Day 134: Correcting myself for the better future

In the past several weeks I have been experiencing increased resistance to read and write. Soon after I would start using computer and check email and social messages, I would start indulging in YouTube videos, mostly war related, especially with sniper or tank ingredient. Also when checking FaceBook timeline I would get distracted by news, especially about technological advancements in robotics and military equipment. This would increase anxiety and fear about the future where some are predicting the start of World War III in 2016 and Elon Musk is warning about development of artificial intelligence that will wipe out the whole humanity. With all the global video and internet surveillance I have become quite worried about the future of humanity. With all the information overflow I am asking myself if I should follow the technological development and risk of becoming introduced also to the possible negative effects that creates anxiety or if I should ignore all the news all together and enjoy the peace of my ignorant mind.

So in order to distract myself from worrying I watch action movies on YouTube, till midnight or even a bit longer. I want to to forget about the unpleasant reality of this world. This resulted in postponing my business tasks so unanswered emails and contacts that need to be digitized started to accumulate. Consequently also the money income became more compromised and that created even more anxiety. Thinking about what is solution to this problem I came to conclusion that it would be best for me not to follow all sort of social media posts since it is mostly negative and depressing. I have remove the fear of missing out something important. There is so many information out there and it is constantly being produced in more larger quantities every day. One simply can not keep peace of the mind if it is constantly bombarded with all sorts of news. Selection is needed in order to absorb only the programming that is supportive for the personal development.

What I have also not done in the past weeks is to support myself with writing. Sure I did a lot of vlog, one in Slovenian language each of the past 320 days and also one per week in English language. However I see that no tool can assist in calming the mind as effectively as writing. So I commit myself to write each day in order to become aware about what I am doing and to have the ability correct myself. My priorities will be development of my business projects that have also the effect of improving this world. So regardless of what will happen in the future, I will make best use of my available time here on Earth to make it into what is best for all. I will develop my personal skills, slow down and do what is necessary to make the projects happen. I have allowed myself too much to get easily distracted with all sorts of new ideas that my mind is constantly producing. I need to focus on one or very small number of projects and persist in pushing them forward until they will become fruitful. Whenever I experience unrest, anxiety, overwhelmingness, fear, worry or similar feeling, I commit myself to immediately start writing and supporting myself. Writing will be my best friend that never lets me down and is always by my side as well as my breath that is of course also very cool companion.

So from now on I will be setting all my visions, goals and tasks in writing which will assist me in solidifying and stabilizing myself. Every day in the evening I will overview the past occurrences in the same day and prepare the plan for the the following day. I am also opening a special private blog where I am to write all the brainstorming and specific writing about my personal and professional life. No more thinking as I have realized that thinking is too abstract, too fast and it easily distracts me from what I want to achieve in my life.

Suggested related audio to listen:
In Fear of the Future

Day 133: Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

Couple of years ago I discovered recordings of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares television series. The main star is a chef Gordon Ramsay and the mission is to within one week convert a failing restaurant into a successful business. I become inspired about Gordon since he does not fear to say what he has noticed to be the cause of the unsuccessful business. He is fair about his observations, does not prejudge, listens firstly carefully, does detailed research, observes and communicates and then only faces the troublemakers with the facts. In order to get to the person, he is not afraid of speaking loudly, shouting and using the F word. His approach proved to be very successful so he became a sort of a role model to me. It reminds me on Bernard Poolman who also supported people effectively by using very loud and direct voice if necessary.

Lately I started to watch Gordon's TV series again and discovered his additional series. In order to research what contributed to development of his intense character, I found out by reading Gordon Ramsay's Wikipedia page that he had a violent alcoholic father, they moved a lot and his initial football career was full of injuries and disappointments. Gordon's face also looks swollen and capable of receiving strong punches. While in his shows he assisted many people, his cooking perfectionism and short temper are quite concerning. I enjoy watching his shows however they seem to me over dramatized and do not show all the important life perspectives in order to gain full awareness about how this world system actually operates.

What I learned from Gordon and Bernard is that standing up and facing others with their bullshit is very important to achieve a personal transformation. I have for too long been afraid of speaking up due to having a father with a short temper that resulted in me developing as introverted person. So it is time for me to step up and take charge of my life. Only if I develop fearlessness I will be able to assist others. However I realized that supporting others in such intense way can not be faked. One needs to developed a high level of self-honesty in order not to pre-judge others and support them as one and equal. And what is the most important is to teach by your own example.

However what I miss at Gordon's approach is hiding the bigger picture. For example in his shows he analyzes and fixes failed restaurants and hotel in just several days. The breaking point is when his design team magically refurbishes the interior of the business over night into a fresh and appealing space. However they do not explain the details about where does the money come from, how come that architectural transformation can be done is such quick time and if the business owners are then bound to pay for the renovation. So this is generally the problem with the public display where only the shocking details are exposed and then how mystically one hero is turning the situation around like he is a sort of god or magician.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to investigate what is behind the scenes of every situation that I face in my life. I realize that thinks do not just magically function and that there are many dimensions involved in order for some structure to exist and operates. When and as I observe some organization and my mind starts to produce thoughts that things in this world are just he way they are and that is is not for me to mess with them, I stop and breathe. I commit myself to become a detective of life and to investigate every detail about how this existence works in order to gain full perspective and awareness that will enable me to be effective in making this world the best place for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in watching TV series where the shows are specifically edited in a way to create emotions and to present only several perspectives of the situation in order to not question the current global system. I realize that reality is much more complex and that if I am to live in this world effectively, I have to know as many details as possible. When and as want to relax and my mind would invite me to watch some entertaining TV show, I stop such thoughts and breathe. Instead I rather get a book that would expand my awareness, like autobiography of a person that I admire in order to become familiar with all the timeline that resulted into creation of a particular character.