Day 215: Change in chronic resonant condition

Since two years ago ever so slight pain persisted in my lower back that extended towards the right side. This pain would often increase or reactivate when I would prune or remove tall trees using climbing ropes and a tree harness or saddle. About a month ago a noticed that this pain point went away and I have not felt any pain in that lower right back area no matter how physically exhausting work I would perform.

A week ago I new pain activated in my lower back in a quite surprising event. I went up to the attic to collect the dried laundry. Then I went downstairs with the laundry basket until I reached the doors of the  1st floor hallway. I opend the door, went through it and closed it. A moment after that I started to think if I have turned the attic light off because the switch was right behind the door that I closed and I was not sure if I flipped the switch before I opened the door or not.

I started to think if I should bother to open the door again and check the position of the switch or not. At that time this apperant simple task that takes only couple of seconds seemed to me as an enormous effot. However since I wanted to assure that the lights at the attic are off, I have put the laundry basked on the floor, opened the door to the attic and checked the swith. After I saw that the swith indicated that the lights are off, I started to experience a sharp pain in the lower back. The pain however was not spreading towards the right side but was in the middle of my vertibra.

This pain came as a shock to me since I perceived it as something completely unnecessary and for no good reason. I just could not understand why I would experince such a big pain in while performing such small and easy everyday tasks. And the other fascinating fact is that that pain did not go away even after several day. Occasionaly it diminished almost completely, then it would increase again. So figured out that it wants to tell me something and thus I decided to do some writing again in order to get to the bottom of this.

Firstly I am not sure if the latest pain in the middle of my lower back is connected specifically to the thougth pattern or if it was just one drop too many. Because in relation to that thinkin was also past events where my drunk neigbout would oftern leave attic lights on after he would finish washing and hanging the laundy and other neigbout complaind about that. And other frequent thoughts in my recent time are related to my business and additional professional training that I plant to attend in the following few days.

Considering that pain in the back is related to overthinking, I can conslude that I was overthinking the point of cheking if the attic light are turned of or off. Thus I commit myself that whenever I return from the attic that I check if the light are turned off without any self-pity. In case that while I return from the attic I am thinking about something else and forget if I have during desent turned the lights off, I accept this as the fact without self-judgement and simply check the switch within emotinal stability.

In regards to the back pain being related to overcommitment and perfectionism, I can point towards my commitment to attend all available arboricultiural trainings and receive all the available certifications in that profession. In this year I completed te aerial rescue training and arborist rope access techniques level A in Vienna. And soon I will be in Vienna attending a 6-day arborist rope access techniques level B training. Initially I planned to also complete the arborist aerial lift training however I have then cancelled it because I estimated that it would be a too big money and time investment for me in this year.

Considering that I am in this illusion of separation and that I will leave everthing that is here behind, I am realizing how it does not matter what I do, because the sort of doing is irrelevant. I only am able to choose what I will do by picking from many available options and based on my ablilities, needs and desires.

Day 214: Pain in the middle of my back

Currently, the biggest point that calls for my attention is a pain in the middle of my back that has persisted for 3 weeks despite me already resting for 2 weeks due to rainy days and holidays. The vertebra in the middle of the spine also usually cracked after a minute or two when I would put myself in the upside-down hanging position using the inversion table. Also, the pain in my lower back has been occurring lately, and I feel it also during my work as a tree-climbing arborist while I am not in a very ergonomic position. A strong pain in my lower back occurred 2 years ago when I was doing height reduction of a big cherry tree with a harness that was not set properly, and I underquoted the project. So, the cause of the pain was a combination of physical and mental stress.

If I look at what could be the contributing factors for the pain in the middle of my back, I can also point out physical strain due to a period of intensive late winter and early spring work period when I would prune and cut down a lot of trees. I usually took only a day of rest after an exhausting project that lasted one or two days. Besides the back pain, I have been also experiencing tingling in my hands while I was lying down in my bed. The mental or psychosomatic factor is definitely the big step that I decided to make by ending a long period of me having the status of an unemployed person by becoming a self-employed sole entrepreneur. That change meant a loss of reliable monthly income and additional monthly expenses due to having to pay for healthcare, social insurance, and income tax.

While I was researching the significance of the pain point in the middle of the back I learned that it is also related to carrying burdens whether emotional or practical. Related emotions are guilt, responsibility, overcommitment, or feeling unsupported. Mental factors are chronic worry or overthinking, beliefs around self-worth and approval, internalized pressure and perfectionism, the mental conflict between wanting help and resisting it, and repressed or unprocessed thoughts. I perceived myself to be in a sufficient awareness of oneness and equality in order to process all the points that I am facing effectively in quantum time however it seems this not to be the truth. So it looks like I need to make a deep dive into my current state.

The reason for me to officially restart my own business is that I wanted to fit into the general population that accepts the enforced law and work for a wider range of customers. While I am aware that the public order is maintained using violence by the ruling government using implied consent and deception, I recognize the collective and personal benefits of such social structure. Thus instead of resisting everything that I do not agree with completely and specifically, I decide to again be part of the world system yet inform and educate others about better alternatives in a more subtle way. I also recognize that while the removal of all self-imposed limitations is the final goal, reaching that goal would also mean the end of all illusions and the start of a new age of darkness due to the boredom of experiencing limitlessness.

So I decide to take it slow and enjoy the journey of aware self-deception in the most balanced way that I am able to. One of the steps is also to pay the debt to the tax authority as compensation for being supported in the past several years. I realize that life and existence have no inherent meaning so I am simply moving myself forward in the frame of my current incarnation and according to the abilities of my human physical body towards what I am enjoying doing. I set my personal and professional goals as motivation for my movement since change is the only constant in life. I recognize the benefit of planned obsolescence since only things that degrade in time are able to create an infinite playground where I can experience all that is as myself in all possible combinations and varieties.

I decide to accept and allow the law as a self-imposed limitation and play the game of commercial activities by the book while I am also allowing myself the flexibility of movement as I am the ultimate limitless creator and creation. I allow others as parts of me to experience their own game of self-deception and suffering in this illusion of separation as this is the will of me as all that I am. I accept challenges that I experience in the game of self with self, having no other option but to operate in the spectrum between the extremes of complete forgetfulness and complete knowingness. While I express myself I am free from the approval of others and strive to do things best aligned with the industry standards, mainly for the purpose of self-enjoyment due to overcoming the resistance of all the elements that play a role as my opponents.

Besides keeping my mental state in balance I also take good care of my human physical body. I make sure that both sides of my body experience an equal amount of physical strain by mirroring the setup of my tree climbing harness and interchangeably using heavy tools on the left and right sides. While my profit will be income minus all taxes and fixed monthly expenses my priority is to earn enough money to cover my basic needs and the remaining funds will go towards my professional development. I take care to walk my life relaxed and take it as slowly as needed in order to avoid as many painful lessons as possible. I commit myself to do more frequent writing in order to process points with a greater level of success by bringing fast-moving parts of myself here and seeing them for what they are in full detail.

Day 213: Pinched nerve in my left elbow

For several weeks I have been experiencing chronic pain in my left elbow. The situation stayed the same regardless of what physical activities I did or how many days I rested. The pain is not constant and I do not feel it when my left arm is in certain positions, like if I am standing up, walking and my arm is just naturally hanging down. There is also no pain if I am lying in my bed in almost any position and the arm is not moving. I only feel the pain when I lift the lower part of the arm up or when I rotate it in a specific manner. I have been wondering if there is some nerve that has been pinched that produces such a feeling at certain movements of my left arm. It definitely is not muscle fatigue or the consequence of something hitting my arm or elbow. I tried to remember when the pain started to occur and there is some correlation with an event of me pruning a cherry tree on 10th June 2024. I spent 6 hours on the tree with a height of 6 meters and I used my arms a lot. In the middle of work, I took a break due to a short but heavy rain shower. So after I climbed back on the tree I had to be extremely careful not to slip on a wet bark.

The pain in my left elbow could be related to this pruning event or not. In a way, it does not make much sense since that pruning event was nothing out of the ordinary for me and I have done even more demanding tree care activities before and my elbows were fine. It is also strange that this particular pain did no go away like any other pain that occurred as the consequence of my physical muscle strain or injury due to some object hitting my body. So I have started to wonder if the origin of the pain is something related to what I have been experiencing on a non-physical level. I checked the information in the Desteni Structural Resonance document by Veno and found that the elbow points represent the antennas that control the direction of a move within the White Light gridline structure of the world according to conscious and subconscious mind personalized and individualized development and design during the experience of here on earth, also referred as The Choice System.



I do in fact am becoming more and more aware of how our lives have been preprogrammed and directed/limited by many systems, externally especially by the legal and money system. I am currently at a cross path when I have been deciding when if ever there will be a proper moment for me to transition from formally being unemployed to becoming self-employed again. In the current stage, I have more financial benefits however I am limited with how I can work and am not able to directly participate in larger arboricultural projects of the national budget consumers. I am in the final liquidation stages of my private institution where I have been in a position of a director. I am trying to remove all the tax debts so that I can register as a sole entrepreneur again. However, I am not happy about the fact that when I do register the government could issue any kind of fine due to breaking any of thousands of laws that I have even no capacity to hold in my memory.



Thus I have been looking at solutions related to the Quantum Grammar and Claim of the Life. I have already provided a document for myself that proves I am a fact and no longer a legal fiction in 2019. However, during the COVID-19 plandemic, I had limited success in using it to protect myself from the government. And also when the police came to my apartment on the order of the tax authority they ignored my documents and took me by force. I feel so much at a disadvantage considering law enforcement and how I can work hard to earn money for many years and then someone charges me for breaking some law and takes all my money, possessions, and freedom in an instant. I am thinking why bother doing anything in this world when it can be taken away or destroyed so quickly?

Also, it is hard to comprehend how existence works in totality since new things are being discovered every single moment. I initially learned a lot from the resources on the Eqafe website about the real history of mankind and the universe. After Bernard Poolmand passed I have been listening to United Network News reports of Kimberly Ann Goguen from The Office of the Guardian on how the systems are being removed, changed, and replaced with the goal of providing everything necessary to start the process of restoring our planet. Yet while it is cool to know that initial Alfa and Omega systems no longer exist and that a Golden Age system has been created, it is still not clear when if ever the promised funds from the KIMS - Key Integrated Monetary System will be available for all of us.

Recently I asked for assistance from the quantum change kinesiologist from the Space of Grace in order to gain additional perspective related to the pain in my elbow. The feedback stated that it is a personality activation of how I maneuver myself in my reality based on feelings/emotions of being used to getting what I want. She is seeing my relationship with my mother there as well so that is specific as in something I've copied from her or developed in relation to her for example she used to coddle me in some way, make me feel special in that way that I developed that belief or habitual pattern of just being used to getting what I want. It's a pattern of relating to my reality in a way that's based on a feeling experience of feeling/believing you need to get what you want. It's also testing out as a work-related injury but this point is also coming up as related to it.

If I look at my relationship with my mother who passed away several years ago due to suicide I can see that I was very close to her while my younger brother was very close to my father. My mother used to listen, understand, and protect me, including against the lies and deceptions of my brother and the pressures of my father. I am not able to recall any specifics of how she was able to assist me in getting what I wanted, however, she indeed was a general emotional support for me. It was more the father who projected power, directed our family business, and used the money to provide us with many of the material things that I desired. I am not sure to what level my mother played a role in convincing my father to buy me things that I wanted. When becoming sole entrepreneur for the first time in the year 2000 I was able to earn significant money and live a good life. I do not see the death of my mother as any pivotal point that influenced my ability to get things that I desire.

Currently, I am looking at what role I should play in my life considering my abilities, capacity, and gained perspectives. The profession of an arborist is something that I enjoy for different reasons however it also has downsides. It definitely enables me to exercise my physical body. Thus instead of me going to the gym and paying for lifting weights, other people are paying me for doing physical work of climbing and cutting trees. However, what I do not like is how the pressure of the climbing harness is stressing my physical body and also occasionally causing painful acne on the skin of my butt and hamstrings that heal very slowly. Also after several hours of heavy work, I need at least a day of rest in order to recuperate. My fingers especially need longer periods of healing due to pain in the joints after I do a lot of grabbing and pulling. I wonder how long and how much I will be able to endure due to aging so I am already moving towards diversification of my services and plan to do more counseling work in the future.

Day 212: Challanges of the arborist profession

It has been more than one year since I started developing myself as a climbing arborist. Tree care is mentally and physically one one of the most demanding rope access variants and my body had to go through a lot of adjustments. Muscle pains were a constant and the most persistant pain is in the small joints of my palms. Several months ago I experienced also a major back pain after s long period that took quite a while to diminish. And recently it came back aga recently due to additional stress factors. The first occurance was related to exhausting job of high cherry tree reduction and underestimating the charge for it. Also I was at that time not aware that the tree saddle can be adjusted much more ergonomically in order to eleviate the pressure at my lower back.

A week ago I got a new saddle that was suppose to be much better however it did not feel that way where wearing it. Sure it offered a lot of options for custimization in order to attach different tool holders however the texture of the inner padding was much more smoother and slippery. Thus there was less friction between the saddle and my back, causing the weight of the saddle to press on my hips instead of being distributer equally around my belt region. I did some additional adjustments recently that should correct the issue so I will see how it feels in the future climbings. That was the first contributory factor for reacurrance of the lowe back pain.

The second factor however was of a mental origin due to my decisions in terms of future development of my arborist career. One point is the cost of arborist equipment and my constant increasing investments. One can start climbing trees with basic tools that cost just several hundred euros. However considering the veriety of jobs that and arborist can face, it requires one to have larger arsenal of equipment that is aligned with professional standards that costs tens of thousands of euros. And most of it needs to be replaced every several years if not sooner due to war and tear, legislation of due to manufacturer instructions. It is equally with the knowledge and training. One can get some information from free or low-cost sources however the professional body of knowledge of arborists is vast and constantly expanding. Professional courses, trainings and certificates alse cost a lot of money.

Currently I am attending a 5-days aborist course at a middle school that is 2 hours of driving away. Since the classes start at 07:30 every monrning I decided to reserve a room at their hostel which was the cheapest way of lodging available. We are done with 2 days of lessons and there was a day off between the day 1 and 2. Instead of returning home I decided to stay for the intemediant day. Now I am back home since there was a 3 days of pause before we are to continue. So if I calculate the cost of the course alone and add the costs of lodging, food and travel it sums to a significant monetalty investment. Not only that but while I am attending the course I also am not able to work for profit and thus there is also the cost of loss of potential income. And the practical part of the course includes physically exhausting exercises of climbing and pruning trees that also take tall on my body, requiring me to rest for at least day or two after the course. Consequently my mind in producing a lot of thoughs of concers and worries that contributed to my current experience of the back pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for my mind to produce thought like: “The arborist course is a waste of time, energy and money since you already have all the knowledge thay you require to exectute jobs that the clients ordered.” instead of realising that I do not know what I do not know and I definitely already gaind very useful knowledge after attending just first 2 days of the course. I commit myself to when and as my mind is creating doubts about investments in professional training to constantly gradually invest in becoming a better professional considering the available savings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for my mind to produce thought like: “You are already a middle-aged man and it does not make sense to star with arboriculture due to your body slowly becoming weaker and weaker.” insetad of realising that I am in relatively good shape and am getting old very slowly. I commit myself to take on loads aligned with the capacity of my physical body and to have enough rest while stopping and b reathing every time my mind starts worring due to loss of income in time of rest.

Day 211: Finally got a laptop replacement

It has been one month since I visited the Planet of Health and got diagnosed with energy blockage in the bottom part of my human physical body. I was prescribed certain essential and cold pressed oils to take couple of times per day and a specific vegan diet. Two weeks later my back pain significantly diminished however it still did not go away completely. A day before yesterday while I went around the Maribor city suburbs on foot it looked liked the back pain was completely gone however the next day the pain was back in the morning while I was still in bed. Yesterday I decided to finally invest in a used laptop computer in order to have a comfortable enough tool to restart writing in this blog. Now I plan to write more regularly so that my unconscious mind patterns are processed effectively.

If I go back in time and look at the the events before my back pain occured I can see that it was related to several incidents. One was my general decision to start working as a climbing arborist that involved hard physical work in tall trees doing pruning or complete removal of a tree. In relation to that point I have been experiencing muscle pains due to new body movements however they were soon gone as the muscles adapted to such forces. More concerning thing was the chronic pain in my finger joints that started last year after doing very demanding hedge trimming for several weeks. At the end of November 2022 the joints on my fingers became so swollen and painful that I had to rest for the whole of December in order to regain normal movement. Thus in the beginning of 2023 I was very careful to slowly introduce strain to my fingers in order not to cause any permanent damage. However after doing heavy physical work with my hands the pain reoccurs and persists up to 2 weeks or more after I stop with such work.

The second incident was a specific job where I had to remove one cherry tree that was 10 meters tall, make another similar cherry tree half of its original size, and reduce several other beech trees. The weather in time of project execution was very unstable and it offered only small windows of time when the rain was not falling. So I did the removal of first cherry tree one afternoon and reduced the other cherry tree the following week. Just after I completed the reduction that was the time when I started to experience current lower back pain for the first time. I hoped that the pain will be gone after a night of rest and that next day I would be able to continue with finshing the project. However the next morning the back pain persisted so I decided to have a talk with the client. I wanted to renegotiate the fee since I realised that my quote was several times lower regarding the quantity of time or work needed to complete the project. The meetring resulted in client's decision to stop the project and I was payed for the so far completed part much less than I wished for. If I look at the thoughs that was going on in my mind during that time that eventually resulted in my back pain I can describe them like this:

1. I see that a climbing arborist work is very physically demanding. In recent years I have been working much less physically exhausting tasks since I mostly worked with computers. I will be 50 years old this year and I wonder if my body will be able in time to adapt to much more phsycally havy tasks.

2. I see that my fingers get painful already after couple of days of hard work and they take weeks to heal. Will this situation in time improve and my fingers will get more resilient? Will change in my diet contribute to decrease or complete removal of pain in small joints?

3. I see that investment in arborist knowledge and equipement demands time and money. Will it be worth it, and is working with trees something that I am pasionate enough to do it for many years to come? Or will I loose the interest if some better opportunity comes along?

4. I see that quoting tree jobs is quite tricky since one similar tree can take several times more work to trim or remove that the other due to situation that can not be identified by just observing it from the ground. What to do when the actuall work necessary is far greated that originally predicted?

5. I see that in tree work weather is a significant factor that limits the time available to work on trees. Will I be able to earn enough in days of good weather? Will I get enough jobs in winter? Should I also work on trees while raining like they do in some other, especially northern countries?

Day 210: Restarted writing

It has been almost 2 years since I last supported myself with writing and I see that things accumulated to the point where I need to look at my situation and make some resolutions. I did start with a blog post last year during the plandemic, however, I did not have enough motivation to finish it. One of the contributing factors for not writing sooner is that several months ago my laptop computer got damaged beyond repair so only my desktop computer is available now. I tried to write on it however being in a sitting or standing position is so unpleasant for me that I can not do proper self-reflection. I also tried writing using pen and paper however I found it similarly odd and ineffective. I now finally created a solution where I am in a similar relaxed position as using a laptop computer while using a desktop computer. So the things that I need to address are related to a drastic change in my professional career where I switched from working behind computers to doing manual jobs in people's gardens. In the summer of 2022, I started trimming hedges and I slowly transitioned to bigger trees. The new type of job came with many uncertainties and concerns. One of them was observing the capacity of my physical body to do manual work. While I considered that I gave myself enough rest between jobs I started to experience massive pain in my palm joints on both hands at the end of November.

Since besides the pain my joints also were not closing smoothly it was a very unpleasant feeling grabbing thing and I became worried that I permanently damage my fingers. Luckily after resting for the whole of December the pain slowly diminished and the functioning of the joints became normal again. Thus in January 2023 I slowly started to increase loads to my fingers and observed how they would respond. Sadly the pain came back after doing manual work only for a couple of days and persisted for up to two weeks. Such is the situation until now despite already making some dietary changes that should result in betterment. In February I did research about the causes of pain in small joints. What I found was the information explaining that humans after certain age produce 1% less collagen every year which is necessary for the regeneration of cartilage. So I started to take liquid collagen supplements in the form of ampoules every day that I purchased in a local cosmetics shop. Until now did not experience any noticeable improvement in my joints becoming more resilient so I searched for different options. A clerk at the city pharmacy recommended me some pills with glucosamine that should be more effective and I am looking forward to the effects.

Yesterday I also went to a holistic center called Planet of Health for overall body situation analysis. They are using a special method where at the same time a temperature is measured on the left and right side of your neck, from the left and right armpit and the belly button. After 3 minutes of measurement computer prints 4 pages of data where around 150 parameters are being evaluated. If levels are normal they are colored green, if they are too low, they are blue, and if levels are too high, they are colored red. Then the therapist explains the results in simple terms and makes some questions. The results showed that my blood is pretty good, and that division of my cells is very fact however that I am not digesting and eliminating very well. Also that the temperature in the lower part of my body is too high which also explains the manifestation of lower back pain a couple of weeks ago which is also the reason why I came for a diagnosis. After receiving also some other helpful feedback the therapist recommended starting using some of their products which were cold-pressed oils and high-quality essential oils. I got detailed instructions on how to apply those oils whether by ingesting them pure or mixed with water or rubbing them onto my skin on certain areas. Besides that, I also got extensive nutritional instructions that included a specific vegan diet. Starting today, I am now changing my eating habits to even healthier with the expectation that it will result in me being able to handle physical body strains much better.

However since I realized how the biggest contributing factor to inner imbalance and consequent pain is mind patterns, I am now going to look also into this dimension of my existence. So the general result of the plandemic for me was losing trust in the government even more and thus my willingness to obey laws diminished even further. It is not that I am breaking laws that I see beneficial for public order and safety however I do not have the will to study every single new law and follow it since I even do not possess the capacity to remember them all. Thus I find myself in a position of constant danger that someone would at any time charge me with breaking some law and they would take my money or possessions or put me in jail. As a result, the only effective defense I see is to have as little in my bank account and own as few things as possible. Thus I am here also limiting myself in terms of being able to work commercially so I have to find other ways of covering my needs.

Day 209: Too much on my shoulders

I have been making myself busy as far as I remember and I never get bored. In the initial years of my life, it was my parents who directed most of the things that I was doing, also because we had our own family business. Later I decided to break away and express myself as a professional creative in the field of visual communications. After relationship conflicts made me start reflecting on myself my priorities changed dramatically. In the last couple of decades, I have become more and more selective about what I do and what are the expected outflow consequences of my actions. I carefully decide how to spend every single moment of my life and do my best to contribute to changing this world into what is best for all life. However, a couple of weeks ago I started to feel pain in my shoulder area which is the indication that I fell out of my usual inner balance. So the purpose of this blog post is to gain awareness of what is going on inside of me and to make necessary corrections in order to regain inner harmony.

About a year ago I joined a global movement that resonated with me greatly. Amongst all of the organizations that discovered so far, I estimated that it has the potential to bring the biggest positive change to this world. So I decided to make myself useful in the best way I could considering my abilities. I started to develop a local chapter for that organization which involved the creation of a website and pages, channels, and groups on several social networks, developing a CRM system, and building a mailing list. A lot of work was also with translation from English to Slovenian language. That organization is producing daily news report videos in the length of around 15 minutes and to translate just one of them and to publish it on our website as an article and to then share it on the social networks, takes me around 6 hours. And there are also long Zoom videos that I translate and are from one to even two hours long which takes me a couple of days to translate.

Just in terms of translation, I wonder about the impact and the point of doing such work. It is hard for me to estimate how many Slovenians will benefit from my translations and how it would impact my nation in the long term. The population of our country is just around 2 million which is relatively small compared to some countries where our whole country would fit just in one district of one of their cities. This alone makes me wonder about the point of us having our own language and why do we not adopt English as our main language. In regards to this, some say that the Slovenian language is one of the oldest if not the oldest language on this planet, very similar to Sanskrit and that all the other continental languages developed from it. However, since we are all now communicating globally with increased speed, different languages have become points of separation. And those of us who are in non-English speaking countries have so much additional work to do and spend so much time just with translations that we have much less time to do other things. So just because some countries have implemented English as their main language, they can invest much more time in developing projects and can achieve more than others.

But there are also some benefits from doing translations. When reading, listening, or watching one integrates information just to a certain level. However if one is doing a translation of a body of information, they slow down, take information apart and assemble it again which results in the information being integrated and understood with much more detail and clarity. So while the translation is a time investment for me, I also personally benefit from that process and my awareness expands. Since there is so much information it is of course not possible for me to translate it all and I already experimented with creating a team of translators that would assist with that task. There were some members from or local chapter that volunteered to also do the translations however I took the responsibility of then checking the result of their work. However, the process of me reviewing the translations and performing the edits that I found necessary took me approximately the same amount of time like if I would do the translations myself.

The occurrence of pain in my shoulder area correlates with me being invited into a new translators group on Telegram where I would assist also with doing translation of the content on the new websites related to the global movement that I am now part of. So it looks like I have started to imagine how my workload would significantly increase and that it would definitely be over my capacity. And besides doing the translations, I am currently administrating our website, Facebook page, two Telegram groups, and a channel, writing new website content, doing the graphic design, programming of the online forms, maintaining the CRM system, managing email campaigns for hundreds of subscribers to our newsletters and translations, and many more. I am investing on average over 10 hours of productive work all 7 days of the week to move things forward and it looks like I am doing 95% of all the work in our local chapter group. I have invited others to assist and to take on any of the things that are required to be done but not many responded. Not only that but some even expressed their concern that I am trying to take over our local chapter and use it for my personal benefits which is definitely not true. 

Other chapter members are holding onto many different excuses and justify why they do only as much or nothing as demonstrated so far. Some are busy with their regular jobs and family, some think that our mission is just to wait for the funding from the new global monetary system and then only engage in developing projects, some have concerns and doubts that the movement is legit and that what has been promised will actually be manifested. I cannot blame them since even I in the past joined many groups and movements that promised a lot and delivered a little. There are so many scams going on and we are in times where we are hearing almost nothing but lies on a daily basis from all the mainstream media. So I understand that many have trust issues and struggle with motivation to be part of some group and collaborate productively. Well from my perspective it is the responsibility of every individual to check all the available information, to make use of their intuition, and then decide whom to trust and whom not. I am ready for even the most trustworthy movement that I join to at some point fall apart and to eventually be exposed as deception. However, it makes more sense to me to at least contribute something to things that I currently see as most valid instead of wanting the proof and warranty that things are 100% reliable and that nothing can go wrong. They say a doubt can sink a ship so all the members need to maintain a high level of trust in order to be able to focus on what matters and move towards the goal.

Following the initial ranting and raving, I now progress towards the writing of the specific self-correction statements which I then speak out loud in order to shatter the crystallized mind patterns in my shoulder area that started to create friction and consequent pain in my human physical body tissue:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on doing the translations by myself due to the belief that there is very little hope of finding high-quality translators to do the volunteer work instead of systematically working every day to find them. I realize that whatever my mind is creating as an excuse in order to keep me in the same pattern is pure self-deception. I commit myself to when and as I have a translation project to complete and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Better to do the translation by yourself since all the good translators are already very busy with translating other things and you will not succeed to get them on board as volunteers so best to wait until you will start becoming financed.” to stop and breathe. I then move myself every single day in order to send inquiries to translators and see how they will actually respond.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend most of my time on the local chapter development projects tasks execution due to my enjoyment in combining my skill of graphic design, website development, and English language instead of developing skills of project management and delegating tasks to others. I realize that I am moving towards projects becoming larger and more complex so it is necessary to work on team building since it is not possible to do everything by myself. When and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just do as much as you can do by yourself and wait for others to find their own motivation to join the team and let them equally take initiative in researching what needs to be done and then work on tasks independently.” to stop and breathe. I then move out of my comfort zone of not wanting to communicate much with others, invest time in exciting others for the projects and direct them towards the practical development of the projects.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define translations of uncensored news as a very important component for the organic growth of our mailing list and to mostly focus on sharing translation teasers on online social networks. I realize that there are more effective ways of expanding the email subscription base since a relatively small percentage of all the social network group members have subscribed so far. I commit myself to when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just keep sharing the translation teasers on social networks and trust the fate that the right people will join.” to stop and breathe. I then slow down and take time to research best practices of how to create a big mailing list and measure the effects in order to find out what works best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the technology as a buffer between myself and other people due to seeing others as not taking responsibility for their mental processes to the level of becoming able to communicate with me as one and equal. I realize that I am allowing my past traumatic experiences of being bullied and treated unfairly by others to hold me back from connecting with people on a more personal level. I commit myself to when and as I am considering working with others and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Rather communicate with the others via social networks and emails so that you can quickly block anyone that has become possessed by the polarised patterns of thinking.” to stop and breathe. I then decide to develop a more intimate relationship with people and maintain the high self-trust that I will be able to direct the communication by empowering others to align themselves with the principle of what is best for all.

For all who want to learn how to support themselves with writing, I suggest starting walking the

DIP Lite free online course.

And here are some links to supportive audios from Eqafe related to this blogs post that I also suggest you listen to:

Biting off More than You can Chew

Under pressure

My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak

Who am I as Control

Developing Communication and Expanding Relationships

Everything Must Be Just So

Avoiding People

Lead as an Example in Your Business

Physical Communication