Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts

13 September 2020

Day 201: Lack of motivation to live my life fully

I have been reading, hearing, and watching stories of great success in the lives of others for many years. Stories about the people who were born as poor, who struggled with their low self-esteem, yet they then transformed their lives and become very successful and rich. I have been part of groups where they are teaching principles of success yet I wondered why somehow all that knowledge does not stick with me. Why does it simply not rub off and influence me into also becoming someone who develops my own business projects that generate a lot of money and why I have not created my own family?


Motivaton


In current times of the coronavirus feardemic, I am observing how confusion about what is actually going on is increasing. There are pressures to war mask and some are predicting forced vaccination, transition to use of only digital currencies, and implementation of a totalitarian state where everyone will constantly be tracked and monitored, like in China. And some fear that the 5G technology will be used to significantly depopulate the human race. These certainly are dangers that make living not very pleasant and many are becoming more and more depressed. Also, I am wondering what to do since the world is changing drastically and I have to make decisions about what to do in order to face all the challenges.

A few months ago I have started to work as a distributor of new learning technology. It is a high-ticket product and I have been wondering how successful I can be with selling it considering the current global economic situation. Distributors have been handed a presentation book that we use to explain to prospective clients the relationship between vocabulary and success in life. And I have also been using the tool for myself in order to rebuild and expand my own word treasure. I am each day spending at least one hour to progress with the integration of the word lists that are arranged by levels and correspond to the grades of the public education system.

Integrated word lists include many words that are familiar to me and also words that I have absolutely no clue what they mean. For each word, I check the definition in several dictionaries in order to learn every context of its use. This activity made me realize that some words have very little or just one definition and some have over 50 possible meanings in indifferent situations. It takes quite some time to progress with the integration of words and I wonder if it is worth investing so much time in learning words with such perfection. Because who knows how ofter if ever there will be an actual opportunity to read texts or to communicate all the words that am integrating by expressing all of their possible definitions.

Words are being used more frequently with some meanings and less frequent with other meanings. Existing words are being used in new ways and thus their definition list is being expanded. Some words are being used less in some contexts which makes them archaic and their definitions obsolete. And there are new words being created on a constant basis according to new discoveries, new technology, and other progress in human society. So languages are a living entity that perpetually transforms and thus mastering them is a neverending process. And that makes learning it a bit annoying when approaching it with a tendency to just learn it once and for all and check it permanently as done.

Actually, I came to realize that such an approach is the core reason why I lack motivation in my life. Because whenever I make a decision there is a need for me to determine the outflow of events and thus estimate if the decision is aligned with what my goals are. Yet even setting goals is something I actually am avoiding due to so many options available out there. And in that sense, there are possibilities that I currently am aware of and there are all of the endless options that I even can not imagine that are possible to be manifested. Besides that things and possibilities that currently do not physically exist can be also created if only I come with new ideas and then engage in action to turn them into something tangible.

Thus life is a constant process of discovering what exists, what has existed in the past, defining and making sense existence, looking for own position in existence, defining yourself, realizing your past, current, and future influence on the existence, deciding about your purpose, vision, and mission, engaging in actions, stopping and reflecting on self, loosing, searching and finding self again, remembering and forgetting, expanding and contracting, exhaling and inhaling, creating and destroying, and then doing it over and over again in the perpetual cycle since existence is one and it can be in no other way that constantly inverting itself. And this is also why a torus is its best geometrical representation.

When asking myself about what to do, there are two basic options. One is doing something where I influence the world outside myself and the other is doing something where I influence my inner world. I realized that for the most part of my life I wanted to influence the world outside myself, especially some members of my family due to my specific relationship with him. I got used to doing what that individual tells me what to do since I would then also get the things I wanted from him. And I was raised to be innovative and inquisitive in order to positively impress that man and others by presenting myself as someone how is more advanced than others.

Yet while excelling at things there was consistency and depth that were lacking. It was never about genuinely being attracted to doing something and then developing the skill to the level of high mastery in order to become a valuable expert who solves problems of other people. It was more about just craving for recognition from others and creating a superficial public image of someone who is worthy of being admired. Instead of experiencing a sustainable fulfillment by perfecting myself, I was hooked on short-term energetic experiences of good feelings created when others would praise me. Which consequently also created periods of feeling low, heavy, and tired as the energetic polarity. I realized that the only solution for myself is to priorities my own self-development in order to be able to truly excel in life. 

And when identifying what is the thing that I need to develop within myself in order to be more effective, I learned that it skills of self-expression and directing others through communication. I remember the storyline that came through when I did my first guided hypnotic regression to my first past life where I was in a female body. I got hanged by the crowd of peers who labeled me as impure after someone invading Wiking raped me. And I just let others hang me decided to remain silent due to losing hope in any kind of success by trying to convince them to change their anger-possessed minds by using words. And that is why I have been holding such deep sadness inside myself all these years since I did not see any way of how to make others comprehend and accept me as I am.

However, when progressing on my path of self-awareness I realized that a coin has two sides. While expecting from others to treat me nice and with compassion, I asked myself what was my attitude towards them. And I realized that I did actually care for others and their lives. I lacked the social skills and ability to see others as one and equal. My whole life was just about displaying myself better than others and wanting to be praised. No wonder I was often met by being judged by others since I have been doing exactly the same towards them. So I could say that it was myself that I am actually sad about since I did not develop the skills and awareness about how to live in this word effectively and to see others as part of myself. I have made a lot of improvement about that yet there is much more to do.

During introspection, I discovered that my communication skills are actually not so excellent as I perceived them to be. Sure I am able to read, speak, and write in Slovene and English language and I comprehend German and Croatian language well. Yet I realized I am lacking a lot of the basics knowledge about grammar and I could not even spell in English. Those poor foundations are what disabled me in being an effective communicator and to identify and correct mistakes in my writing and speaking. So I am now basically starting from scratch and learning every respect of what a language is and how to use it with utmost perfection. It is like I am with the age of 47 going into the first class of a primary school and discovering what is a verb, a noun, and other terms of linguistics.

I see that many adults who decide on a relationship and get their own children have the opportunity of reliving their primary school education experience while assisting their kids with their homework. Having kids is thus helpful for adults to refresh and improve their primary school knowledge, including core knowledge of the language. And since I do not have children of my own, I am disciplining myself to in a similar way rewalk my basic education since the public schools did a poor job of guaranteeing perfect integration of all subjects, leaving me inadequate in language, math, and many other skills. I am motivating myself on a daily basis to fill the holes in my core knowledge so that I will be able to stand and perform more confidently, with the ability to express myself with words and achieve my goals.

Recommended related educational audios from Eqafe:

30 May 2020

Day 193: Tricks and Traps of being a Grammar Nazi

Recently I read a finalized document with a list of words in relation to some projects created by other authors. Some words were singular and some were compound words of two singular words. However, all of the compound words were missing hyphens and thus they were grammatically incorrect. I then posted my observation to a chat group with the authors of the list and started to explain how using the hyphens is important in order to convey the message correctly and avoid misunderstandings. I compared writing words similar to the writing of mathematical formulas where if separators are committed, the final result of the formula will be different than expected. I attached a Quantum Language video with a clear explanation of how low grammar skills make you vulnerable to manipulations from the legal system and how using the correct grammar can empower you.




However, I was pointed out that I can not expect everybody to comprehend words in the same way as I do and that this is beyond my control. I rephrased their answer and what came out is that I was misunderstood because I started to explain the importance of using hyphens and presenting them as a mathematical equivalent instead of just simply explaining that I suggest some grammatical correction of the word list. When I looked at why I decided for a more complex explanation I realized that previous to that I have pulled up a recent memory where I noticed someone else also avoiding hyphens when writing compound words. So I associated both events and compounded it myself in my mind as something that needs to have a deeper explanation because I saw it as a repeating pattern. And I considered the list of words as a document that others will use to learn how to correctly write compound words and thus damage with long-term consequences would be created. Besides that, I already expected from the authors of the list to be more responsible in terms of using correct grammar so I emotionally reacted with disappointment and outrage.

What also came up in the further discussion was that during communication with other members in the groups one should not be so careful about every single grammatical mistake. Because members are from all around the world and each of them is on a different level in terms of language skills. So the point of working together is not to perfect the language but to achieve other the goal of the group that is beyond the vocabulary. That reminded me of the event where year are I have been speaking to a friend of my father about some advanced discoveries and I have perceived my way of communication with him as something that is very normal. However, he told me that he does not comprehend what I am saying, despite us speaking the same language. That surprised me since I could not see at that time how I did not make any effort to level my way of communication to match the vocabulary of the person that I am speaking to. In the past years, I already discovered that one of my characters or behavior patterns is trying to impress others with the advanced secret knowledge that I have gathered. And I have not been only sharing the knowledge for the purpose of impressing others and feeling good about my superior know-how but have also used more advanced vocabulary and grammar for the same purpose.

In a similar way, the legal system works since it uses vocabulary and grammar that is quite different than how common people communicate. They even have their own Black's Law dictionary where definitions of the words are different than in common dictionaries. My language research was thus also for the purpose of protecting myself from any legal attacks by others. However, I have never pushed myself so far to really excel at grammar, not in Slovenian, nor in the English language. Previously my motivation was self-centered and energy-based and I commit myself to change this. I commit myself to slow down and to perfect my Slovenian and English language skills for the purpose of better communication and collaborating together to bring a better world and to also use Quantum Grammar to effectively establish agreements and protect those who are not able to do so due to their weak language skills.

Additional supportive audios in regards to this blog post:

The Value in Vocabulary
The Nature of Words
How Language Substantiates the Mind
Language: the Sceptre of Creation
Encoding Communication and Programming Relationships
Who am I as Language
Equalizing to Language
Unconscious Effects of Reacting to Language
Is Your Communication Sound