2012 Urgency for slowing myself down

I experience myself overwhelmed with assignments in my life lately. The quantity of information to handle became so large, that I lost track of what to do. I got involved in too much projects that require my attention so I will have to do something to be able to handle everything. I talked about that with some of my friends today that gave me some very supportive suggestions. I will need to get grip of my life, become more disciplined and direct myself more effective.

When I look back at where I picked my current behavior patterns that make me to hurry constantly, I see that I picked this up in our family business where my role was to create graphic designs with computer and I was pushed by my father to work faster and faster on daily basis. In time new computers came and I was able to work even faster but even that was not fast enough. I have been bullied by my father and brother that I work to slow, that I needed to press those keys quicker and move the mouse swifter. And even though the fastest person that would come for test work would work by only half of my speed, I would still be perceived as working to slow. Thus I allowed myself to be pushed due to fear that I would not be liked if I work any slower.

The next related point is that when I would have to write something, I would use computer in order to create text faster and that the file could be searched for on the computer. I hardly wrote anything by hand in past 20 years except of my signature that is also a very ineligible sign. I observed some calligraphers and admired their ability for gorgeous scripts however at the same time I would thought how incredible waste of time this is and how this time could be used to do something much more productive. Thus my mind was and still is very restless due to constant estimation how thing could be done faster, quicker, swifter, more effective and productive, by investing as much time and creating as large quantity of products as possible.

Similar point is wanting to finish some job from start to finish as quicker as possible and then enjoying my free time to the fullest. So for example if someone would assign me some project, I would immediately put myself into action and I would work almost without break until I would finish this project and release it to the customer. And right after that I would stop being active and engage in enjoyable activities like resting, watching TV, hiking in the woods or something until the next order would appear. So I would do any job that came to me but generally enjoyed a free time and wanted to be free, without any long term obligations.

Now recently I have been exposed to some behavior patterns that a very successful people do and it is all the way around like I have been doing things in my life. For example it is suggested to write all things down with a blue ink on white paper and use computers as little as possible. This is because when writing by hand brain is stimulated very differently like when typing and one can remember a lot more when writing with pen then when pressing the keyboard. This is in so great contrast with my current habits that experience a great resistance towards starting to write by hand regularly. However it seems that this is something that I will have to do in order to slow my mind down and be able handle all the information and plan all things in my life successfully.

There is also a habit recommended in regards to using e-mail and social networks. Usually I have been checking e-mails and FaceBook messages many time per day, so many times that I am not able to come with a figure. It could be 20 or even 50 times per day. My computer is constantly on, day and night and I have been basically spending time on the computer from morning to evening, unless I would go out shopping on attending some events and meetings. I would use computer for business, for private chats, for watching TV news and entertaining movies, so basically I can not imagine my life without a computer. It is like a window to outer world, to the whole world, where I am connected with everyone and everything. Without it I am like isolated and cut off from others.

However I learned that computers can not replace face to face chats, and personal meetings are very important for successful private life as for a successful business. I became aware of that especially when I started to work in direct sales, since only meetings in flesh are where most of business deals are made and this is a rule that would probably never be broken. Computers, internet and phones do make some information exchange much easier and faster, but the big money is still made only in the industries that use personal touch, like direct sales. This is because when talking to people face to face, the level of dedication, attention and intimacy in communication is so high that it can not be replaced by even most sophisticated technological interface.

So from constantly hurrying, running towards the future and using other people just to get money and then enjoying the good feelings, I will have to learn how to slow myself down, reduce use of the computer, start planning my life with extensive use of pen and paper, dedicate a lot of time for personal meetings with other people and then patiently follow up and follow through with everybody with my sincere interest in order to build a strong bond and connection with as many people as possible. It is time to stop living in my fast moving mind where things are impossible to manage and live here in the physical, treating everyone as one and equal. It will be a tuff job to break those patterns but this is the only way to get rid of the current problems in my life. So let's do it.
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2012 Masturbation experience change report

I have been masturbating for many years regularly and it has been a sort of stress relief tool for me. Whenever I would become bored or tired of work, I would feel a desire to masturbate. In past couple of years since I started my Desteni process of self-realization, I have been experimenting with masturbation in order to transcend this habit. I year ago for example I managed not to masturbate for several months, but then I started again. Though I would consider the advice not to use any pornographic material while masturbating as much as possible.

In time the desire to masturbate would slowly diminish and due to habit of wanting to become more relaxed I often forced myself into masturbation in order to experience the energy of orgasm. Some times just stroking my penis would not be enough so I assisted myself by watching pornographic movie in order to become stimulated enough to activate orgasmic release. But for the last couple of weeks my penis became desensitized to extent that solely stroking penis would become a feeling not much different like stroking my finger or any other part of my body. So from my penis being a joy stick where touching would activate energy of extremely big pleasure, now these energies do not activate anymore and the penis does not erect after stroking it up and down.

I find this condition a great relief since I do not become horny anymore and do not need any energetic release that is explained to function as a fuel to ones mind-consciousness system. I am though a bit worried if stopping masturbation will somehow decrease my ability to have sex since some say that erecting penis and ejaculating from time to time keeps penis functional and in form. I worry that the skin around my penis head would loose its elasticity and volume so that when I would have sex and erect penis in future, the skin would not be able to move over the penis head and would inflict pain at sex penetration.

Anyway, I currently do not have any desire for sex so I will wait until the next sex opportunity emerges and see what happens then. Certainly if one observes the act of sex it is a very violent act since two bodies rub each other forcefully. I remember how painful the head of penis becomes right after I experience orgasm and ejaculation, so maybe this is a true physical feeling that is masked by the mind energy of good feeling until the ejaculation happens. And for the sake of pure practicality, we can see that functionality of sex penetration is purely for the sake of producing children and nothing more.

So from this perspective I do not need sex penetration anymore until I find some partner and we both decide to have some children. And since sex also takes a lot of time, especially if it has been executed several times per week or even couple of times per day, not having sex is extremel big time saver. One can then use all that spare time for something more productive, like changing the system and making this world the best place for all.

There has also been a change in regards to my feeling in the head, the blood pressure and it is all connected to breathing. I have been noticing for past several months, how sometimes my head or brain feels like tired or on low pressure. This feeling manifests often where there is a sunny cloudless weather with high air pressure. Especially in occasions like that I have been noticing, how my breathing is influencing the feeling in my head and how deep breath or stoping my breath is directly and strongly influencing my blood pressure and the feeling in my head. So I have to pay attention on my breathing constantly and direct it properly in order to keep my body stable.

This concludes my report of changes that I have been noticing in regards to my physical body. I might mention that I have also started to drink tea and hot chocolate with Ganoderma Lucidum healing mushroom two weeks ago since I got involved in another direct selling or multi level marketing business with Organo Gold brand. It could be that this Ganoderma, that is also called Reishi in Japan and Ling Zhi in China, is also influencing my physical body and triggering some reactions. And I have also made some big decisions in regards to my business that could also be a mental contributors to how I experience myself. There could be many factors that I am not aware of that influence me, including removal of some interdimensional systems from humanity that people at Desteni perform. But what matters most is that I walk my process and perfect myself constantly so that life on Earth can become more pleasant for me as for others.
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2012 Polarity feeling emotional mind energy exposed

I have been feeling very down and heavy in past several days. It felt like I weighted twice the normal weight, I just wanted to rest and was not able to do much work. This was because I have been exposed to information from TV news about financial crisis, recession, prices of gas going up and similar concerning events. Together with not having enough money to pay for my rent on time, I felt quite depressed and started to consider what are the options to go out of these heavy feelings.

I could have done some self-forgiveness, but I was soo down that I could not even type or speak the words. I searched for the solution and then I remembered that some physical exercise could move and release those energies. Since I am in the center of capital city of our Slovenia country, I am not very fun of running on the streets and woods and mountains are quite far away. I wanted to come with a solution that I would be able to use daily and that is very practical. Thus I remember that a rebounder was suggested as the jumping up and down an the elastic canvas is an exercise that also what has been recommended by NASA.

I searched local web site for used sports equipment and someone has been selling a 1,5 meter diameter round used rebounder for just 30 euros which I considered to be a very cool price. I immediately called the guy on the phone and asked if I may come and test the piece. He confirmed, I jumped into my car and in 20 minutes I was already doing the test jumps. What was also cool is that the device flopped twice so it fitted into my car very easily. When I returned home I washed all the pieces since they were slightly dusty due to outdoor use and soon I was already jumping up in the air like crazy.

I can say it assisted me a lot since a smile came to my face and I started to feel much more relaxed. Similar exercise are also what at Desteni was suggested within the Structural Resonance Alignment course and they also have a quite large trampoline at Desteni farm in South Africa where I payed them a visit last year. I now keep my rebounder as for of first aid right in the middle of anteroom and I use it several time a day. The next day after first use I experienced pain on top of my shoulders and on the belly. I was warned that after first use some muscles would hurt since this exercise activates many muscles, including some new ones that one does not use in usually.

In addition to this physical exercise I also took advice to stop listening only news about destruction and degradation on this world, and to watch some comedy movie or similar that would bring me joy and laughs. Thus I started to watch the YouTube clips of Talent Shows where different people would perform singing, magic and other variety acts. I enjoyed those clips a lot and I would watch day for couple of hours late into night. I started to become possessed with energy of good feelings and it was hard for me to stop watching those movies. So thus I started to slowly drift to the other polarity of emotional energy. Some acts moved me so much that even tears started to emerge from my eyes.

This is my pattern of exchange between bad emotions and good feelings that direct my life instead of me directing myself without influence of any energy. I noticed that when I have enough money I feel relaxed and I spend a lot and at that time I just want to enjoy and do not care much about future plans to establish the proper money flow in order to constantly have enough money for my needs. Only when it is almost too late, when it is the last chance to start digging myself out of deep shit, I became motivated enough by the fear of loss so that I take action and do something in order to earn some money again.

This time I decided to sell my video and photo equipment and I made an effort to prepare the ads and collect the emails of all the video production companies in our country. The next day after I sent them an email with my offer, several people already expressed interest in some pieces of my equipment. Thus I was able to transform my belongings into money very quickly. I learned lately that one should not be ashamed to sell some possessions that one does not need so it can be invested into projects that would soon bring back even more money. And I am also prepared to move to cheaper apartment and do whatever necessary in order to fix my life.

So the only thing that is completely detrimental for avery individual are mind patterns of constant worry about what all bad things might happen in the future and being afraid of loosing objects of possession. Some people who are currently very successful have gone bankrupt in the past but they raised themselves up again and rebuilt their lives again. Thus it is not important how many times you fall but that how many times you stand up. Of course going bankrupt is not a magic formula for success and I also have no intention to completely waste all my money but for some they need to go through this experience in order to change their thinking and behavior patterns.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself a good feeling when I have enough money and feeling of safety and thus not having motivation to move myself as life, instead of realizing that energies are what destroy life thus it is necessary to direct myself in every breath and do what is best for all and release any accumulated energy of bad or good feelings and emotions.

And this is a very supporting video from Sunette Spies in regards to becoming emotional when watching some movie scenes that I highly recommend:

2012 Aligning myself to be more successful in handling money

In the past few days I have been reviewing my current financial situation and it is not looking very well. It looks like I will be not able to pay my monthly rent on time and yesterday I had a conversation with my landlord in order to find out how she is dependent on my rent money. She gave me the opportunity to delay the payment for a couple of months if necessary. This situation is a bit embarrassing for me since I am used to keep all my promises and never owe anything to anyone. It is one of my perfectionistic behavior patterns that I execute in my daily life that I created due to my very demanding father.

I listened today a weekly audio from Global Information Network where Kevin Trudeau was emphasized how keeping a strong focus is a key for success. He made several examples about how some people do not keep focus long enough consistently in order to produce desired results but grab any new opportunity that comes along, thinking that it is best to be involved in several business opportunities at once. But since every business takes time and money investment for several months or years before the money starts coming back, it is not possible for any business to succeed without a proper focus.

While listening to this audio I asked myself if my current situation is also a result of not enough focus? And yes, I am able to see how in past years I have been jumping from one business and opportunity to another. However some businesses also fall apart due to rigidity and inability to adjust to new market situation. So the question is now were my decisions the result of inability to keep focus or was I simply adjusting myself to the new experiences. I could say that every decision I made was the result of my understanding, past experience, accumulated knowledge and perspective at that time. And each individual is constantly evolving and expanding itself do to many new daily experiences.

I definitely accumulated a lot professional knowledge that made me successful in my line of business but I am lacking of some business skills that make me not very successful in regards to handling money. I must have copied this behavior pattern from my father who also did not keep any detailed records about his money flow, as far as I know. It was my mother who handled the financials of our family business and she often complained to me, how my father was careless about money and how she prevented him for several times in order not to loose a lot o money by his decisions. Since my mother died several years ago, his behavior patterns resulted in me landing him my money and now he is not able to return it by the date as he promised. So this also contributed in me currently not having enough money for my expenses.

Knowing how to handle money is a very important skill in everyone's life, but we are not taught that in schools, except if you studied any business or accounting school. It do not find very fun tracking all my expenses and I have been in the past able to earn enough money without tracking every cent I spent or earned. I was under influence of believe that money will keep coming automatically by simply doing what I like and do best and my business will always generate enough income for all my expenses. It seems that this kind of approach does not work very well for me anymore and I will have to change it. So I will be keeping now detailed track of all my business and personal financials in order to avoid getting in debt again.

I was tempted by believe that money is not important and that we need to get rid of money since money is evil and couse of all problems in the world. Some people who allowed and accepted this believe soon lost all their money and now they are struggling to survive. Until we implement an Equal Money System that will guarantee a dignified life for all living beings on this planet, one still needs to be functional in current money system and take care for itself properly. I am definitely also tired od having to compete with others to sell some products and services to others in order to earn money. I do not want to be constantly careful if activities that I do are lucrative enough. I want to enjoy life, to live in environment that takes care for my basic needs so I can express myself fully. But this is not possible currently and we will have to change the current system in order to remove the fear of survival.
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2012 My first introduction of self-forgiveness experience

At Desteni we walk the process of self-realization where we use some tools in order to clear our minds from accepted and allowed points of separation. One of basic tools is called self-forgiveness and I am going to explain here what this tool is about, how it works and how it influenced my life.

I have been testing many self-realisation practices from about year 2000 after I broke up with my first girlfriends and wanted to find out why that happened. I read hundreds of books on personal relationship, psychology, spirituality and metaphysics in order to understand how human mind works. At that time also an itching rush developed on my skin around genital area that started to itch whenever I experienced a conflict situation. I thus also researched Western, Traditional and Alternative medicine.

Many specialist from Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine examined me and prescribed drugs and some practices with no effects. Also many expensive Reiki and Angelic healers had no power to assist me. Even after many years of Yoga, Meditation and Tai Chi practice nothing changed. The same was with my involvement in Buddhist and Hare Krishna religious groups and participation on many Rainbow and Holistic camps. Couple of regressions in my previous lives, Numerological and Jyotish astrological analysis produced the same blank results.

It was only in year 2009 after I firstly joined Structural Resonance Course where I begun to understood how mind-consciousness system works, how the emotional energies are produced when I saw the potencial to create some real change in my life. I found out that the rush on my skin is the manifested consequence of my own allowed and accepted believes of separation that destroy my physical body with the energies of the mind. And I learned also that I am able to become aware of those believes with assistance of writing and that I am able to defuse them by using the tool of self-forgiveness.

When I was firstly introduces to these knowledge and tools, I knew that this is the key that I have been searching for my whole life. Many things have been presented to me before with promise of salvation, but it was all deception. Here at Desteni there is no single deception and it is all about oneness and equality for real. I was able to finally realize that there is no one outside of me who is guilty of what I am experiencing in my life and that there is no one outside who can save me. I have created my experience and only I can change my experience.

So I started to walk the process of self-honesty and using the self-forgiveness in my daily life. Whenever I would experience energetic reaction inside me, I would stop, search for the definition of separation that was in conflict with reality that I experienced and I would forgive myself this illusional definition. Soon my skin condition improved and I can tell you that self-forgiveness works like magic. However, here is no magic, no tricks, it is just clear understanding of how mind works and taking full self-responsibility for your creation. In just few months my problems went away faster than all fake old and new age practices in past ten years combined.

But one has to undersand that the process of self-realisation takes many years even using this tool of self-forgiveness. There are many layers of conscious, subconscious and unconscious layers of the mind to be walked. After digging deeper and deeper some new reactions of vertigo and nausea appeared recently and I also started noticing many tiny subconscious skin irritations that I will yet have to remove. However due to extreme ease of use and massive effectiveness of Desteni tools like breathing, writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, I recommend everyone to start using and applying these magnificent tools as soon as possible.

Forgiveness is deception since it is you who create resentment towards others due to self-accepted and allowed definitions of separation and polarity oppositions. Thus you can not forgive anyone but yourself for deceiving yourself and blaming others for what you have created and projected onto others. All the problems in this world will be solved if we take it all back to self. We are the creators, but thus far we blamed others for what we created. Only when we take back self-responsibility for what we created, we regain ability to change this reality so that we can all live here a dignified life, full of abundance and real freedom of self-expression for all. Join us!
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2012 EMA 2012

I just watched our EMA 2012 Slovenian national contest for the singer who will represent our country at Eurovision Song Contest this year. The winner one young female singer and the twin sisters who were the other finalist left did not make it. The whole show was full of saturated colors, blinking stars, magnificent video effects and fill with action. The audience went crazy, they were screaming and crying out of joy and extremely good feelings.

However in todays news there was a report how Europe is in political and financial trouble, some are even considering to cut Greece out of European Union but they fear that this will have a domino effect where Portugal and some other countries will follow a drop off. There has been also a consideration to turn European Union to a federation, similar to USA, where centralized government would be able to direct EU more effectively that each country on their own.

This is a polarity game that we humans play, where we pick some individual, make him something more than others and project our good feelings onto him so we can escape our negative side of reality where everything is falling apart. And then people are shocked when they loose their jobs, when companies go bankrupt and all wonder how this happend, since they were blinded with the pretty pictures and nice sounds from the entertainment industry.

How deep do we need to fall, how much pain is enough, how many starving people need to die, and do we really need a third world war to wake us up from this extensive mind energy possession? The time will show how strong shock do people need in order to end this madness. But for those who are already able to listen, there is an opportunity for change in order to establish a proper support for all living beings in this world by implementing an Equal Money System. Join us and do what is best for all!
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2012 Changing friends and business opportunities for best effect

A lot of things happened in past several weeks in my life. I quit friendship with some friend that I supported extensively in past months due to his fight with his father and being without job and money. I allowed him to spend many nights on my couch, gave him the information and books on how he can improve his life and change his thinking and behavior patterns, and I also lent him one of my notebook computers for many occasions. However he almost never fulfilled his promises about when he will come to appointment with me and he procrastinated with bringing my computer back for weeks. Since he did not want to change and take responsibility for his actions, I decided to end relationship with him completely.

I demanded from him to return the book, computer and the bag that borrowed him and I insisted until I got all things back in one single day. The book was extensively worn off, the computer power adapter was broken, computer slightly damaged the bag torn, and I had to push him hard to get all these things back. And after that he became very spiteful, accusing me for creating damage to him, demanding to remove all the photos from Equality Store that he volunteered as a model for caps and hats, or he would charge me a lot of money in spite of me designing and printing his business cards for free. Thus I learned that assisting those who have intense spiteful and irresponsible behavior patterns is futile. 

However in past weeks I also created many new friendships with enthusiastic people who want to take responsibility for their lives and are doing many project to improve the society. By these people I have been exposed to some very perspective business opportunity with potential of bringing me a very high residual income in next months or years. It is about a product that has in past three years made more profit than Amway with 50 years of tradition and is coming now to Europe. Official launch in our country will be only in three months, but we have already begun with pre-launch and network building activities. I expect that this business will bring me enough money for not having to worry every month about covering large fixed expenses so I will have time to support world equality projects more extensively.

Thus just after six months of purchasing all new video and studio photo equipment I decided to sell it all for the second time. I could of course continue offering photography services, but I got tired of transporting all the equipment, spending hours alert and catching all the importnat moments with camera and then sitting days in front of computer, retouching hundreds of photos. I will keep only camera body, some lenses, flash and tripod and all the studio equipment must go. This way I will make more space and investment money for my new business that I expect to be more lucrative and will be best also for future implementation of world equality system due to creating connection to much larger number of people in our country.

It is a tuff decision and by selling almost new equipment, I will again loose a lot of money, but I expect this to pay off in a long term and that this is a decision that is best for all. For many years my decisions are not any more about what is best for me or my good feelings, but how I can apply myself to change myself and the world system in order to guarantee a dignified life for all. Thus personal sacrifices have to be done in order to break from own limitations and change oneself and the money system. Many people see my decisions as act of indecisiveness, but they see only what is going on the outside and do not see my final goal, large picture and global agenda that I am involved with.

Last weekend I went with my new friends to Vienna with a bus. We were on a VIP meeting in regards to new business and I met there very successful people, many of whom were millionaires. Even two days before, where I was introduced to this business, I felt slight nausea and vertigo that increased on Saturday event in Austria to the level where I would vomit three times on the bus back. I spent the whole Sunday in bed and it took another two days before I would be almost perfectly fine. I wondered what would be the reason for my reaction and connect this to my subconscious mind patterns of perfectionism and criticism in regards to money, wealth, selling and rich people.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give up living in this world due to extensive corruption, financial crisis and natural disasters that I have been exposed extensively by observing news and participating in certain groups, instead of realizing that this is just a portion of events going in this world and that there is also many things worth living for.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel pity for myself, expecting for others to take care for me so I could just safely enjoy life and self-expression, instead of realizing that we are all equal living beings and that we can live here only if we take self-responsibility for our lives and also support others equally, thus firstly we need to become totally self-honest and then change the world system until the proper support is there for all live without fear of survival.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the desire of not wanting to participate in current money system, earn money and become wealthy, instead of realizing that we can only change this system if we firstly accept it, become one and equal with it and earn a lot of money to have enough power and influence for necessary political actions that will remove the need for competition, war and starvation.

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