Day 123: First step of moving to Maribor

Days 121 to 122 are in my Slovenian blog

Yesterday I drove with fully packed car to Maribor city. I have transported there the first quantity of my stuff to the temporary location in the center of the city near Lent region. I have checked out the location of my potential new apartment in the two-story old city house near a two-way road. The son of the owner of the house is living in one of the top apartments and is renovating all the apartments on father's behalf and converting them into rooms for the students. In the top as in the bottom floor there are three to four rooms with joint kitchen and bathroom.

In the first floor of the house there are already people living and one of them is a friend who I met couple of years ago and is deeply involved in spirituality. She moved there from the costal region to study at the Faculty of education. We had and interesting chat after I moved all my stuff from the car to one of the bottom rooms. I also met some of her visiting friends who is working in field of ecology and there was also a nice asian girl who decided to live in the city with her young child and a dog.

So while the top floor of the house has already been completely renovated and filled with people, the bottom floor yet needs a couple of days for the finishing touches. The landlord allowed me to store my stuff in one of the rooms and maybe I will decide to stay there for a while. It all depends how I will find living there appropriate. At this time the heating is off, the kitchen is not installed, light bulbs and shower are missing and the door frames are not completed.

What also bothers me there is that my potential room is near the road so there is some noise from the cars driving nearby. Also the parking is not very comfortable. Then I will have to see if there will be any other disturbing elements that will be unacceptable for me. So I am a bit nervous and anxious about all this movement to the new place and I feel a block in my belly. I am entering a new, unknown territory and obviously every moving of permanent residence is quite a big change.

Yesterday I also met another friend who has a master's degree in education, is author of three books and an interesting card sets that assist people in realizing and overcoming emotional limitations. We had quite a long talk, I estimate it was at least three hours and we shared a lot of interesting information. She is a very fast and extensive speaker, energetic person, very opened, kind and with lots of ideas. There is a lot of potential of mutual collaboration there and I am looking forward to it.

Now I will have to wait in Ljubljana for another two days until the rooms in the bottom floors will be ready for living and in that time I will pack the rest of my stuff in the boxes. I plan the next and final trip to Maribor on Sunday and from then on I will become a resident of Maribor city.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the feeling of fear that I will not be comfortable in my new place after visiting the location where work is in the progress, instead of realizing that when I will move there is couple of days, the work will be already completely finished.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the feeling of anxiety due to thinking that noise in the new apartment will be too much for me instead of realizing that I could get used to frequent sounds, like I got used to quite loud sound of the refrigerator in my current apartment which I found very disturbing initially.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to be afraid of the nearby very wide river to fill my future apartment with water in case of the floods instead of researching the history of floods in that area and verifying if my location is in fact on endangered locations.

I commit myself to breathe effectively and be full here, in this moment and act in accordance to real physical events and situations.

I commit myself to fully express myself and communicate with people that I am surrounded with and dependent so that they understand my needs and assist me in providing me with a suitable living conditions.

Day 120: Undecided due to unknown future

Several days ago I decided to start a new online project that I expect to become an additional source of income since I would be offering services that anyone can order online from anywhere in the world and I would also deliver the final product electronically. But then I started to wonder if it would be wise to create another project since that would divide my attention ever further. Also there is some competition in the targeted field and I am not sure if it would be worth the effort.

Recently I decided to move to another apartment and I picked preferred region, however moving would again mean a lot of stress and costs. I want to sell the stock of my goods that were left from the online store and I organized an auction but no from the companies that I invited to participate bided yet. So I plan to call them on monday and urge them. Basically I will have to come up with some money in order to organize the move and also to pay some bills.

But what possessed me lately was the urge to find some compatible life partner. So I reengaged in online social and dating sites and started to connect with some people. It would be cool if I would find soon some partner which I could collaborate on the projects with and I already have one date in couple of days. There sure is a possibility that I would connect with someone very quick and maybe also move to her apartment or move together to some new location. So I am opened for any opportunity and am not fixed on moving to any particular location.

Since anything can happen in next several days I am also procrastinating with developing the new project and searching appropriate new place to move to. Also I am waiting for the confirmation of the new legal entity that I filed documents for one week ago. When the papers will be received, I would be able to move very fast in direction of developing current projects. And almost any day I also connect with a new potential business partner globally so the opportunities and potentials are wast.

All this makes me hard to decide which point to prioritize and in which direction to move. I slip into state of mind where I just want to fast forward the time and research the new potentials. However since I can not speed up time, I make myself busy by surfing the web, watching movies, hiking and other stuff. I am aware that I could use the time to do all sorts of useful things, but I am so restless inside that I want to distract myself and just kill the time.

I feel confident that everything will turn out just right and that whatever will happen could be turned around somehow and make something that would enable me to move on towards my goals. I do not allow myself to experience fear or anxiety. I know that I will be able to make it regardless of what will happen. I have always had a lot of ideas and I made good use of them. I know that even if I loose everything, I can simply connect with other people, share my concerns and desires and they will assist me. I have even made peace with the death already so basically nothing is able to frighten me.

Writing all this down, I see that I just needed to sort out my thought and that I am fully capable of moving myself towards my goals. After I finish this post, I will clean the kitchen and work on the new project. Writing really assists and it is cool that I have started to use this tool to support myself.

Day 119: Moving again

It has not been even five months yet since I moved to current small studio apartment and I have made a decision to move again. It was relatively nice to live here in the neighborhood of medium to high class people on the suburb of capital city Ljubljana with nature and hills nearby. However some points started to accumulate that resulted in decision to place myself in a new environment again.

The apartment was quite practical due to being very narrow and long, allowing me to have the business office in front and kitchen way back which was very nice for my business needs. However shortly after I moved in I noticed that roof was leaking, the internet connection was slow, the lighting was poor, especially in the kitchen and bathroom, and now I also got the information that the ceiling has poor thermal isolation and that in the cold winter it is freezing inside in spite of heating being turned on fully.

Then also the landlord who is older woman lives just next door, meaning that I need to pass right her doors and porch in order to enter my apartment which is not very convenient. Firstly I expected that I will be in very good relationship with the landlord since she also studied spiritual books very intensely, however in time it turned out that she is not really very open-minded but part of a certain international spiritual group with such philosophy that prevents her to act grounded and consider this physical reality as something that has to be considered as primary point.

And the third reason why I am to move out is that I initially thought that living in the capital city will enable my business and non-profit projects to manifest faster, however it turned out that in the big cities, people are generally very nervous, full of fear, pressured with high rent prices and lack of time so it is not ideal place where my plans could be achieved effectively. I got information recently that it is generally best for any sales, especially if they are school and education related, to work outside big cities, especially in the northeast part of our country.

So while being born and living most of my life in northwest part of Slovenia and for the past four years living in the center of the country, I plan now to experience also life in the northeast region. I see this as kind of adventure and opportunity to gather more life experiences by meeting new people there. Also a lot of good friends live now in the surrounding of my future planned place of permanent residence so there will be many benefits.

Day 118: Zombification

I heard the word zombification firstly in audio interview about child education. When a child has accumulated a lot of information, it can not process it in real time and is enters a stage where it stares with a jaw dropped. The body stays still and it looks like a zombie, thus the zombification. I had a neighbor whose child went zombie very frequent, also at events where he was in danger to become hurt or even killed. However the parents nor doctors did not understand the cause of this and treated him only with pills.

Lately I also find myself in a very strange mode of the mind. When I finish all the important daily errands, I enter a state where I do not feel like doing anything. However since I do not want to be in that kind of state, I then do something just for the case of doing. This usually means using the computer for activities like browsing the web, checking email and social networks and watching movies. I kinda want to do something for so long until I would become again motivated enough for doing something important.

When I watch movies I notice that there is lot of drama and emotions involved and that actors frequently express anger or passion or other strong emotion. They act from the point of attachment to the past memories and not wanting to let it go. But I see myself like someone who is not attached on anything on this world and has accepted death as something inevitable. In some strange sort of way I already see myself dead thus I have nothing to loose and also no real fear about anything.

This kind of perception is in a way beneficial since it brings me a peace of mind, however it also renders me to become very passive from time to time, not wanting to do anything particular. So I must then do something to regain motivation and move myself into action. Sometimes also a quick nap or a meditation assists me in digest all the impulses and to come with and idea for the next step. Also writing a blog like this one is very helpful to materialize your thought and thus easily see and understand what is going on within you.

Basically I am quite satisfied with myself and making best use of my available time. However I tend to forget what all I have achieved today and in the past days. Sometimes it feels like I have done nothing, however that is not true. So it is important to acknowledge to myself what all I have achieved in oder to become satisfied with myself knowing that I am in fact moving effectively. It is so strange that it is best to track your progress graphically in oder to understand the score. However I see that this is a must if I want to effectively motivate myself and realize what I have achieved.

Day 117: Influence of the price

Yesterday I participated at free webinar of Slovenian marketing guru Aleš Lisac where he talked about the price setting of the products. It assisted me a lot in realizing some facts that I thought before were quite different. I will now be able to be more confident at sales activities of the product that I am marketing. The conclusion is that most of the time we do not think very much about the price of the products we buy. We buy it simply out of convenience, because it was there, on our path, near other things and places and times where we usually buy our stuff.

The biggest mistake that he pointed out was that when sales are not as expected, we lower the price. This act produces very bad psychological message to the potential buyer and it also diminishes the profit of the seller a lot. Price reduction is actually lack of imagination about other possibilities. The price is basically never the problem and the best practice is to enhance the quality of packaging or create a product with even larger price. This is because price is never in a vacuum, it is always relative to prices of other similar products. 

So if for example your main product costs 100 € it is best to produce just a bit larger or better variation and price it significantly higher, like 200 €. Immediately the primary product would not anymore be regarded as expensive but quite cheap, regardless of what it is. Improved looks, design or packaging also influence very much what the price range can be. For example average book costs 25 € however the special issue of the Bible produces by our famous print company sold it for the price of 2.000 € and was treated as collectors item. The other example is a dog shed which costs about 100 € however there is a producer of dog sheds with starting price of 20.000 € and they do sell very well.

There are also certain psychological price levels that influence very much how much each type of product will sell and they have to be tested. Also a very wide variant selection of one product can bring to confusion and consumers have hard time to decide. And the most challenging way of selling is one on one personal direct sale when the customer can find out very quickly if the salesperson believes that the price is too high. Also one must never judge the price based on own buying power since they are people who can afford your product even if it is too expensive for you to buy it for yourself. 

Other ways of improving sales is to improve the product line, to sell in batches, to add some kind of bait, to offer terms or installments, to make product more exclusive or to hire a celebrity. Salesperson must be skilled in noticing when the person has already decided to buy the product and then not get benevolent beyond what is necessary. The strange rule of thumb is that there will be always people who will claim that the price is too high, even if you drop it just to production costs. So the rule is to raise the price until the share of people who complain about the price gets to about 20%. Of course if the share of complainers is more than 50% then one might consider that the price is actually too much or that the value of the product has not been presented properly.

The best way to justify the price is to find out what is the cost of the problem that your product is solving. The value of the product is thus never the production price but the potential money savings if the product would be purchased and used. And also the price is relative to the budget or context of the product or service that you offer. For a client with low budget your product would be considered expensive, but for the well funded client, no price is no matter. Also one should ask the client what characteristics of the product or service they desire.

And the strangest point that Mr. Lisac exposed is that many companies, especially startups go bankrupt because the price of the product is too low. One must always consider many costs, like production, marketing, accounting, salaries etc. so the profit margin has to be high enough to cover all expenses. One must calculate how much is needed not only to produce the product, but also how much money would be necessary to sell the product. For example there were two producers of the fitness device that both enable the same functionality. However the first one was prices 600 € and the second one 14.000 € and they both sell. The difference is that the advertising budget for the first model of device is only 200 € but for the second one is 13.000 €. So the produces of more expensive device can invest 65 times more expensive advertisement and thus also succeed in sales.

Day 116: Got sick

Days 113 to 116 are in my Slovenian blog

Five days ago on Saturday morning I had a business presentation for the product that I am selling. It all went relatively I was late 10 minutes for the meeting however their location was not in the GPS correctly anyway. Initially they expected to have a meeting outside in front of the house, however since it was still quite cold, I suggested that we move inside the house which we did. Interior was not very clean since they had a very big dog and you know how it is if you have and animal in the house. The presentation that takes usually up to two hours has stretched to three and a half hours however they did not immediately decide to buy the product so I left the contract there and gave them one month to decide and benefit from the discount.

I don't remember if it was the same or the next day when I started to experience sore throat. I considered it to be due to giving a very long presentation and extensive speech thus my vocal cords got overused. However this was strange since it was not the first time I have such a long talk and never have I experienced such pain.

The next day I focused on updating one of my web sites and I was quite focused, better to say obsessed with finishing all required details by the evening. And when I went to bed the throat condition got worse. I experienced irritation in the throat thus my mouth constantly produced saliva and I had to swallow very frequently. However whenever I would swallow I would experience great pain in my throat. So I struggled all the night very much and did not sleep a lot.

The next evening the pain in my throat diminished a bit however I felt extremely cold. I turned on the heater and covered myself with two blankets and I felt still like freezing. Well in couple of hours the condition went to other direction. I became hot, extremely hot. Thus I uncovered myself completely and then also sickness appeared. I also started to experience vertigo or spinning in my head. Then the sickness became so strong I had to vomit.

The third day the pain in my throat was gone and I got nasal congestion. It started to pour out of my nose extensively and I used all my napkins. From the first day I got sick I decided not to eat anything and to drink also a herbal tea with lots of lemon. However I expected to get better faster than I actually is my speed of recovery. Today is the fourth day and also the nose condition stabilized itself completely. Now I wonder what was actually the cause for me getting so sick. It could be the accumulation of several things.

Two days before I did a presentation I went to visit my grandmother who also became very ill and started to vomit. The next day she was accepted to the hospital and they removed some stones from her belly. Then I am a bit worried about how to get enough money until the end of the month to pay my rent. Then I am disappointed about my landlord since she still did not fixed the leaking roof of my apartment after several months of discovering the leak. Then I was worrying if the person who promised me to assist in my business will keep her word, bus she is not answering my phone calls and emails for three days now.

All this with a lot of minor point could accumulate to the cause of me getting sick. So I must be more careful about my thought management not to go out of balance so much again. It is strange how much our physical body depends on mental condition. And how thought in our heads are so fast and intangible that they are quite hard to direct. However I will have to keep it going and direct my thought more firmly since as has been proven many times, the thoughts then start to direct me eventually. 

Day 112: Colossal degree of separation

I am continuing with listening to the free Eqafe audio interviews with creators, demons and animals. It is unbelievable how from the perspective of other living beings in existence humans are almost lost case since we became so much integrated with the mind that it has diminished us almost to nothing. Thus other beings do not even bother to communicate with us, since we are not capable of common-sensical reasoning. A good example was Jesus who came with the message of equality, however no one was able to understand his message and was thus crucified.

In that interview there is a cool analogy between the vertical line in the cross, representing the Here, the present moment, the physical and the horizontal line which represents the stretched current moment into the past and into the future and thus creating the illusion of time in the mind. Human beings are unable to live Here in the now, since we are located in the separation from here in our minds. We can not see what is Here, we do not care about other living beings, we do not give as we receive, but only take and take and take, equal as the mind only takes the energy from the physical body and thus destroys and kills it.

We see animals as less than humans since they are humble, and nice representation of benevolence are the sheep. They are perceived as creatures with low intelligence and we see them purely as grass eating beings that produce wool and meat. However they live in equality with all the physical and feel everything that is going in this world. They have a keen sense of grasping the larger picture, they understand our world system and the immense suffering that humans produce. Also understanding how elephants perceive themselves is very interesting. Animals see even the structure of nutrients in the food they eat and they return everything that they receive back to the physical when they die.

It is interesting how animals feel every minute part of their bodies, the bones, the organs since they are fully one and equal with their physicals. Some posses incredible sense of seeing, similar to x-ray vision, some communicate telepathically. All respect each other and understand that we are all part of the same source, just different expression. Some beings can even swap the bodies and thus live some time as the snail and then move to the body of the bird, without the snail having to die firstly. So from the human perspective of evolution, exchanging bodies and experiencing different life expressions while remaining the same being is quite phenomenal.

So for us to be able to understand the existence, there is no way of achieving this by accumulating knowledge and information and trying to grasp it using our minds. This is like trying to hold the water with a screen. It is impossible. One has to use water-tight bucket. So we must stop using our minds and birth ourselves into the physical. Only when becoming one and equal with our physical body, will we be able to understand life and become capable of existing in equality and oneness.

Day 111: The time is now

Has it really been already 3 days since I wrote my last blog post? Time moves fast! So much to do and such a short day. But I could do it more. I plan each day but plans then change. Some people change their minds, something else comes up, the weather goes bad, there are accidents. And so each day passes with me asking myself what I could do different? How could I make better use of daily potentials?

A good friend today reminded me: There is no one except us. We are the one. We have the possibility to do everything, to do anything. So I think big, make great plans, but they need to be executed step by step, breath by breath. All this brings great responsibility, but also many potentials. Awareness that one can create whatever it imagines and beyond.

Being master of yourself, a self-directive principle, boss of your every single move, this is a big challenge. In a way I wish there to be some others who would make a decisions and then just tell me what to do, however that would also diminish me, make me a slave. I picked the hard way noe, the narrow path, however I can go wherever I want. I am free now, but also responsible for everything I do.

No more excuses are possible, no more blame, no more anger, no more envy. Enemies from outsides have disappeared. Now the only enemy that is left is inside. The mind, the energy, the force that pulls me down, that makes me feel heavy and tired. I could fight it with lighter, brighter positive energy, however this would not be permanent solution. A polarity of positive and negative, of ups and downs is no way to live life. This is no solution.

Thus one can face it only one bite at a time, becoming aware of it, breathing it deeply in and distributing it equally. Yes, this is the answer. Equality is the way. Doing what is best for all, not allowing any more energy to move me. Just moving yourself as the physical. Based on simple decision. Following ones own principle. The principle that is best for all. Braves are the one who pick this path. An agenda of Heaven on Earth. But it can be done.

It can be done if we stand up together. It can be done if we remove all fear and create ultimate trust. It can be done if we all collaborate towards one single goal. And if that goal is best for all, then it is also best for every individual. A simple plan, the only way to solve all the mess in this world once and for all. Fortunately we are now facing time where possibility of reaching this goals is greater than ever. Thanks to technology, we are able to connect, to see big picture, to become aware of what we have done.

There are no more excuses now. All have equal opportunity to understand, to see what are the consequences of our actions. Selfishness can not be tolerated anymore. We are all in this together. We all share the same existence and we all influence each other. There is no more place for the separation, for the illusion that mind has inflicted. We must not be blind anymore, but opened our eyes wide and face it all courageously. So let's do it while there is still time.

Day 110: Overcoming addiction to sex energy

After I have realized the devastating consequences of participating in the mind, the first step was to stop fueling my mind with the energy of orgasm. I completely stopped watching porn and did not masturbate ever since, nor engaged in any sex activities. I was also very careful about any sexual thoughts during meetings with females. So I am quite satisfied with my self and will commit to celibacy until further.

Now the next step is to overcome addiction to watching movies. I do not possess a TV set, however there are more than enough action pictures on YouTube. And also FaceBook activities tend to be very time-consuming. One of challenges is also to discipline myself in regards to going into bed and waking up.

Many times during the day I experience a feeling of heaviness in my body and I want to rest. Computers definitely effect me since they offer so many potentials but there is also immense speed of change and development in technology that puts one in a state of never achieving the goals. There is no point of stability in this race of information and progress.

Physical of course is the point of stability, like my apartment, the hardware, my body, the breath, however our world system forces each of us to do something, to work, all for the sake of producing profit and money. And there are also things that we consume, like food that needs to be produced, distributed, cooked, eaten and defecated.

I am listening to the audio series about Atlanteans and their civilization on land and water. They expressed by manifesting sound crystals, however they took care for absolute stability and equilibrium in all of existence. Thus everything was the same and nothing changed. The question thus is it best to everything be the same and thus point of complete stability, or do we need constant change in order to be satisfied?

For better self-support I decide now to re-engage in DIP Pro course and continue where I stopped two years ago, so SRA Level 2, Lesson 10. And I will be also working on additional lessons for redefining words. I sent my first assignment to Andrea and am waiting for her response.

Day 109: Releasing the energy

I have now downloaded all the free audios from Eqafe store and have been listening them for the last two days during my walks in the forest and driving around the city. Audios assisted me in realizing the source and nature of the energy and how it sucks life out of the physical until it destroys it completely. Thus I am now more careful about any energetic movement in my body and stop the energy by breathing until it dissipates.

I also went back through my memories of sex and masturbation experiences and realized how the experience of mind orgasm always influenced my physical body. During movement of my penis, I would feel the connection of the points on my penis with my legs. I felt how the tension in my legs would accumulate simultaneously with the accumulation of the sexual energy in my genitals and at the time of orgasm, legs tension would completely paralyze me. Also after orgasm I would feel exhausted and my mind would possess me even more, rendering me incapable of self-movement.

Years ago I started to notice, how lower part of legs would be cold, but I did not pay much attention to it. I concluded this to be normal and I also connected this with me sitting all the time since I have been working extensively with computers from mornings to evenings. Now I can also make strong connection with the activities of the mind, especially with the sex system. Orgasm extracted the energy out of my legs and now they have become very cold. I went once to the Chinese medicine specialist and was very surprised how cold they were and they also sweat a lot during the summer.

So good bye energy and welcome life. I commit myself to release the mind and birth myself from the physical. When I see my mind move or experience andy energetic movements, I focus an breathing until I am again here in the physical and all the energy is gone. I move my body and experiment with all kinds of expressions through movement. Maybe I will build also a special experimental ground in the woods somewhere where physical movement could be expressed in its fullest.

Day 108: Relationship addiction

In relation to listening of What is Sex audios and Bernard Poolman's death based on a heart attack, I became more aware of sexual anergy connections and associations that I created in regards to sex, energy of orgasm and relationships. Also the interviews of death experiences enabled me to understand the process of dying from a new perspective where the extensive influence of the mind or mind-consciousness system is exposed. That created additional motivation to change my habits, especially in regards to masturbation and watching porn.

What I have noticed was that I in a way enjoy being single and master of my time, having peace and silence whenever I want, however a part of me desires to be in a relationship with a woman of specific characteristics, not only for sex, but also as a business associate. I understand this desire is mostly the product of influence from society and my parents who want me to be in relationship, get married and have kids. However many successful people are single since having a steady partner is too much of obligation and time-consuming situation.

In spite of being satisfied with me as being a single person, I occasionally find myself fantasizing to engage in sex or relationship with some young, beautiful woman. This fantasies can be triggered simply by looking at some picture of random FaceBook profile or watching some movie trailer or even meeting some person in flesh. I then imagine myself being with this person and start thinking about how to contact this person in order to find out if she would be a proper partner for me.

Within this thinking I evaluate all the characteristics of the person, like if they smoke and drink, if they are intelligent and educated, if I would like the tone of their voice and smell of their skin and also if they would be willing to start a process of self-honesty and collaborate in business projects with me. I then very quickly conclude that it is a very small chance that some person on the photo would be fully qualified in regards to all that demands and that it would probably be waste of time trying to contact them and research their personality.

However sometimes I would stumble on some photo of a woman that I would find especially attractive, and I don't mean in terms of just being pretty like a photo model or a beauty queen, but there would be a certain face characteristics of a person that I interpret like being very open and relaxed person, exactly the personality type that I always desired. I would then research the profile of the person for example discover that this person is already in relationship or married or even has kids. This realization would trigger a great disappointment and sorrow, that sometimes accumulates into a hearth arrhythmia or a small heart attack.

When I experience this kind of heart problem, I have to immediately bring myself back here, focus on my breathing and stop daydreaming. So this is definitely a proof that mind creates nothing but troubles and can even create a massive heart attack that results in death. This can especially manifest during sex when, as I learned from the inter-dimensional audios, heart literally stops every time when the orgasm is experienced. I will have to become more careful about participating in the mind before it is to late and the mind would destroy my physical body beyond repair.

Day 107: Bernard Poolman died

Days from 99 to 106 are in my Slovenian blog.

It came as a shock when I noticed a blog post that Bernard Poolman died. His daughter Cerise Poolman published that he passed away in the early hours of Sunday morning, 11 August 2013 (SA time) and that his heart stopped beating.

Bernard was my dear friend and a role-model. I had privilege to meet him when I visited Desteni farm two years ago. Based on the work he had done, he can from my perspective be easily compared to Jesus or Buddha. I did not expect him to go so soon, since he was working on the extensive life research and I expected that he has access to knowledge that would enable him to live forever. However I learned that the dimensions of existence that he researched and influenced also demanded from him immense effort so he suffered great pain end pressure while dealing with all the systems.

He influenced and supported me in a very unusual, but effective way. After years of visiting many spiritual workshops, retreats and paying thousand of euros for Reiki, Angelic and other alternative medicine therapies that did not work at all, Bernard assisted me greatly. When I was at the dinner table in the Desteni farm kitchen, we had a conversation. I did not said to him verbally, however in my mind I was saying to him: “Here I am now. I have come here for you to destroy me. Now do it!". And he did. He destroyed me with greater intensity that I ever imagined.

By destroying me, I mean destroying my ego, my false self, my mind that I tried to destroy myself for many years but nothing worked. I knew that gurus and healers are fakers. They just stroked my ego and I required a firm hand to beat the hell out of me. Bernard had his ways, only few people understood why he was doing thing the way he did, but he was exactly what I needed. He was not afraid to speak what he wanted to convey, all he wanted was the truth and what is best for all. He stood up for all living beings bravely and heroically.

My most prominent point was fear of judgement from others. I feared expressing myself and thus developed quiet, introverted personality who was hiding behind computers and cameras. Bernard discovered this right away and gave me a lesson that I will never forget. Now, thanks to his support, I fear no more. I stand up firmly and do not care what others think. And I also learned to support others in similar ways that Bernard supported me. Some are so caught in their minds, so possessed with love and light that need a firms shaking before they realize their bull shit fakery.

I will continue the fight he started, I will keep beating the hell out of me and out of others, until all evil will be removed from this world. The destruction of life must stop, the mind must stop. We have lived in separation for too long. It is time that we learn the lessons, open our eyes and realize what we are doing to self and others. We can do much better than this. We can create a world full of abundance and prosperity. We can create heaven on earth. And we will!

Day 98: A kitty cat

A friend brought a kitty cat to my apartment and it was very fun watching the young animal how it researched the rooms, played with the hanging plant and showed off towards tit's own mage in the mirror. Who would thought that such a small being can be so interesting. It made my day and I laughed watching it and caressing it's furry body was a very nice feeling.

I like cats since they are very clean animals. They lick their fur clean and they do not smell. However there is a downside to cats. They have a very smelly piss and shit. And kittens are no exceptions. So when it made its thing somewhere on the floor of my apartment I was not pleased at all. If I would to keep it I would have to train it to make it's need in the specific place or take it outside. 

Well the plan was not to keep it in the first place since the friend just took it with me for a visit. We then drove to a new farm of our friends who had not yet any cats ant they were very happy to keep it. There friends had two children age about 7 and when they played with the kitten the day when we delivered it, I was shocked about the way how they treated it. They were spinning it and throwing it the air like it was some kind a toy and not a living being.

I was glad that father gave the child a lesson by grabbing him and pushing him in the same manner as he did wit the cat. The child felt very unpleasant and it started to cry but it got the lesson very clearly. Humans are so separate from the reality, living in our minds and not capable of real compassion towards fellow living beings. I would like us to treat animals in the same way we treat fellow humans or even better. There are a great audio recordings about Pets and Owners in the Eqafe.com store that I recommend listening in order to increase understanding how animals perceive us. 

Day 97: The richest man in the world

I just watched a short documentary about Warren Buffett who is the richest man in the world. Well he and Bill Gates take turns each year, but I think you get the point. Watching this movie is the part of my agenda to learn from the rich in order to copy their behavior and eventually also become rich.

While watching the movie some facts surprised me very much. He has a very simple philosophy about how to pick the investments and how to make money on the long term. However, what surprised me the most is how he eats junk food like burgers and Coca Cola and does not care very much about healthy diet. Also what surprised me was that he invested in businesses like Coca Cola and large corporations and that made him multi billionaire. He does not care what the impact of companies is on the society, the basic objective is that he profits from the business and that he makes a lot of money. Also he does not use computers and calculators to make detailed calculations but only reads paper reports abut the businesses and then decides to buy them mostly without even visiting the company or knowing the manager of the company that he buys face to face. 

Documentary firstly shoes his public image and many of his followers that want to pick his brain and also become very rich by hearing what he has to say and reading his autobiographies. However at the end some information is disclosed where it is clear that there is more than meets the eye. He does not only invest in companies directly but also trades stocks and other financial instruments and these bring him the most money without most of the people ever realizing this fact. So it is clear that a simple documentary can not show all the real facts about how Mr. Buffett earned billions and we can only speculate about how he creates all the immense money-flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel anger towards Mr. Buffett when noticing that he eats and drinks junk food and that he supports manufacturers of junk food due to believe that big brand like Coca Coca have done nothing good for the society instead of realizing that by being angry towards others does not assist me or others in any way possible.

I commit myself to research the ways how rich people make money but then engage and invest in businesses that assist people to improve their health and quality of life.

Day 96: Money Money Money

Days from 92 to 95 are in my Slovenian blog

I was thinking lately about my mind patterns in regards to money. I asked myself why I was not able to generate wealth with the same ease as some others did. So I decided now to write these points out and see what I discover and realize within that.

As every child I became used for parents to provide for everything I needed. My father was firstly employed in the factory but then started our family business. Even though I was formally employed in our company I have not been receiving salary but had to ask parents to buy me stuff or give me some allowance. Only at age of 25 when I moved to my own apartment and won to work only 8 hours per day, I started to receive salary.

And also then my parents pressured me to continue to work at our or their company and supported me in buying my own apartment. At age of 27 I registered my own business and started earning money on my own. Since I had no expenses with the rent, I generated enough income very easy. I worked just for couple of hours a day and earned enough for the food and invested the rest in the research and development of the projects that I liked.

Three years ago I decided to sell my apartment and move to Ljubljana capital city. I decided for a big apartment where I would live and also work in my studio. The rent was very high and also additional monthly costs. However due to large sum of money from the apartment sale I did not worry about running out of money soon. However now after three years of investing in projects and spending money on travel and networking, I got myself unprepared for the fact that all the money is gone.

I kinda lost track of how much money I have and how much money I need to generate in order to stay in the big expensive apartment. Also the economic situation did its toll and from the business services that I offered there were not enough clients to cover all the expenses. Thus I recently decided to move to smaller and cheaper apartment. Now I am thinking what I have to do in order to improve my financial situation and raise myself high up from the ashes. 

During my regular walks in the nearby hills with the woods I find myself surrounded by plants and think about how Mother Nature is giving us all what we need for free. And we the humans then put price tags on things and sell them to each other. All the land is owned by someone and if you want to have stuff, you have to have money. This fact about money and putting price tags to things that are free seems to me very bizarre and unnatural.

Thus I also find very difficult putting the price tags on my services and deciding what the values of my products should be. I would rather do things for free but this is unrealistic in the system that we currently have. So even though I would rather change the system into something like Equal Money System where a dignified life is unconditionally guaranteed for all, I have to consider current state of reality and then create changes within and as the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to give up due to believe that current world system is all fucked up, that humans are parasites and that it is best for the world for all humans to die out instead of realizing that self-pity and blame is unproductive and I just waste my life and potentials.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed not to track my incomes and outcomes and thus not being aware of my current financial status instead of realizing that tracking money flow is the foundation of successful human life in the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that if I charge money for my services I within this take money from other people and thus they will have less money instead of realizing that the function of money is to exchange products and services and that money is a recyclable medium.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to perceive that people do not have money due to financial crisis and thus bearing to charge money for my services to others instead of realizing that currently there is only about 13% rate of unemployment in our country which means that 87% people have jobs and thus also money and that I can also sell my services to basically anywhere in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate business success and wealth with stressful life instead of realizing that rich people manage up to 50 different companies however they use methods of time and priority management where they delegate their employees and thus have even more time freedom that working alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to indulge in watching movies for many hours per days, thinking that that would relax me and free from the anxiety of my life challenges instead of realizing that watching pictures is dumbing my brain down and turning me into even more lazy person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rich people are corrupt and have gathered their money only by criminal activities instead of realizing that everyone's life story is different and that some could be involved in some dirty business, however there are also a lot of hones and supportive ways of making money where a great value is added to society and this world.

I commit myself to read books every morning every evening as suggested my successful people since leaders are readers and reading is very important to develop focus and become more effective in this world.

I commit myself to keep detailed record of all my incomes and outcomes to the last cent and do weekly and monthly stats of my income, outcomes and profit since this is a must for every person who wants to live successful life in the current money system.

I commit myself to associate with wealthy people and get advise about what they do in order to I also become equally successful since if you want to become someone, you have to mimic these people.

Day 91: Relationship polarity games

Yesterday my ex girlfriend called me and started crying since her father that she is living with assaulted her and she became afraid that he woud stab her with a knife and kill her. Thus in order to safe her life she went to the woods and spent the night under the trees.

I tried to support my ex girlfriend within three years of living together in realizing that all the violent people came into her life due to her specific behavior patterns that she accepted and allowed. However she refused to engage in the process of behavior transformation. She is like addicted to the energy of bad feelings which she experiences when people are psychical or physical abusive towards hers. And if she will not stop this, she is doomed. It is the same pattern that also my mother lived and it resulted in her making a suicide couple of years ago.

I talked to my current neighbor that worked as a social worker but is retired now. She was met with many cases of home violence and she learned that in every violent relationship there are two people with polarity behavior pattens that attract each other. One plays a role of being abusive person and the other plays a role of a victim. However each one of them need each other in order to continue with this role playing. So just one of them is required to change the pattern and the relationship changes immediately.

Abusive and violent relationship is in fact a learning opportunity where both participants are put on the test of making a realization that neither acting from anger and blame nor feeling sorry for yourself is a supportive way of participating in a relationship. In order for any relationship to work and prosper, everyone that is involved must act as equal, understand each others perspective and then apply the solutions that are in best interest of all.

Basically all life is a test, a school that supports us all in realization how we must change ourself in order to live here in prosperity and abundance. Each one has a limited life span, a limited number of years here on earth that can be used for personal growth or they can be totally wasted. If one does not correct oneself based on the feedback that shows unharmonious results of ones participation, the backchat in the mind becomes so extensive that becomes unbearable. Usually suicide is then the only way that is left from the perspective of such abuser.

So I invite everyone that faces conflict at any place or time in their lives to start as soon as possible the process of inner change. And very effective free beginners online course for this process is called Desteni I Process Lite so I suggest you use it if you want to help yourself. Understand that you can blame no one for what you experience in your life. It is you who has attracted or created it. And only you can change it by taking full self-responsibly and forgive yourself all the illusional unrealistic accepted and allowed ideal, definitions and believes. Save yourself from your own mind because no one can save you but yourself!  

Day 90: Truth about lying

I strange realization today while talking to my direct sales mentor. I asked him about the short suggested time that I should mention to the leads. Usually the presentation lasts about an hour up to two hours, however it has been suggested to set a date only for the presentation that lasts about 15 minute. After I asked him if this is not lying he gave me very interesting explanation.

He said that people are very busy and do not have much time for the direct sales people. But what people are very busy with is very insignificant things, like watching TV. People are constantly very very busy with watching TV. They always find time to watch TV or surf the web or post things on FaceBook or play games. Just to run away from reality and having to change anything.

So we, the sales people want to improve the lives of people with high quality products and we must find a way how to properly introduce them to the leads. If I would be totally honest and say to person that I would need two hours of his time to fully understand the product, no one would want to schedule a date. People simply can not handle the truth and they do not want to listen and understand the facts.

Sales people thus have to lie in order to get into people's home for just a few moments, but then engage in as much entertaining presentation as possible so that leads do not get bored. If the sales presentation is entertaining, from the perspective of the leads, it is like watching TV. Basically people want to be entertained and if the sales presentation is at least as entertaining as watching TV, people will enjoy it and they would not look on the clock all the time.

Thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to always speak truth and nothing but the truth, instead of realizing that people have such unconscious mind patterns that they simply can not handle the truth and that they need to be tricked into listening if the information about hot they can improve their lives has any chance to be delivered. 

Day 89: Prioritizing activities according to awareness

Yesterday evening a friend came to visit me and we had a chat about what has been going on lately in our lives. Especially what are the potentials, how to set priorities, how to direct oneself effectively and how to deal with all possible distractions that come into ones life. We also discussed the role of the money as the motivator to move and the impact that one has on the world when being involved in specific project.

Both of us concluded that we need money to survive in this system so the money is what influences our decisions and directs daily priorites. For me it has never been a problem earning money since I have a lot of skills and knowledge and I am able to learn new things and adopt very quickly. However during my last years of self-realization I became more and more aware of the impact that I have on this world, my potentials and the power of influence and how this world functions, meaning how extensively each of us is connected and dependent on each other. Thus in accordance to the expansion of my awareness also my decisions of what kind of activities I would do changed extensively.

The initial years of my own business life I would do services and products that did not impact this world or had power to change the world system very much. Then I started to notice how my time is being wasted by being just a quiet observer and doing nothing significant to improve the situation. I became aware that most people do things based on self-interest and do not care much about the fellow human being. So at least I wanted to invest my time in activities that would make this world a better place for all. However I found out that generating money for such activities is much more difficult since you stop producing services or products for consumers and start doing activities that creates resistance within the world system as we know it. 

I also found out that working alone would not be able to produce any significant impact and that collaborating with others as a group is necessary for any real change. And that created additional frustration with establishing a proper management system and increased the demand to manage my own life much more effectively. So I am learning now management systems and search for the people who would be qualified for collaboration on such large-scale projects. Finding the people that have strong motivation and possibilities in their life to join the groups that I am involved in and thus increase impact of the group extensively turned out to be quite a challenge.

Currently I gave to manage all aspects of my personal and business life and this means that many points require my focus. Inviting new people in my team would allow me to multiply the results of invested time manyfold since the activities could be delegated to others and less points would require my personal attention. However this also require me to become more responsible and manage money more effectively in order to assure that all team members would have enough money for their survival in this system. So what I need to do now is overcome the fear of possibility to become overwhelmed by managing a group of people. 

Day 88: Self-forgiveness on perfectionism

Days 86 and 87 are in my Slovenian blog

I was collecting contact information from web pages of entities that I was to contact and I intended to create a Google Maps custom layers with the position indicators of that entities. However for the Google to correctly recognize the address and creates a location marker, the street name has to be full length and completely correct otherwise it will not show up. And what I have found on the web sites of around half of entities, were the shortened or declined street names that I then had to individually reference in the search engine and identify the corresponding full name.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to become angry at the web site content creators that shortened or declined the street names instead of realizing that this is usually done in order to simplify long street descriptions and make them more friendly and not to deliberately make my life painful.

When I stumble upon a shortened or declined street name and if I for the purpose of automated information processing need a full long name, I stay here, breathe effectively and utilize the search engine until I get the required for of information.

A few days ago after a short but heavy rainy storm, a leak appeared in the wooden ceiling of my new apartment and the water drops created a big puddle on the floor.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to be angry at my landlady who did not inform me about the leaking ceiling instead of realizing that she could believe that the leak has been fixed.

When I notice some damaged part of the apartment that does not perform as I expect, I breathe effectively, stay here and peacefully communicate with the landlady in order to remediate the problem as soon as possible with mutual satisfaction.

I am preparing to sell some products via direct marketing and I am procrastinating with my outdoor activities since I perceive myself not to be ready and skillful enough in executing effective presentation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the feeling of fear of rejection and loosing money since I perceive that I am not skillful enough instead of realizing that rejection in this lin of business is around 90% even if you are the most skillful communicator so it is purely a numbers game.

When I go out and make presentation of the product, in case of rejection I remain here, breathe effectively and understand that not every product is appropriate for every person at time of presentation and even if the person likes the product, they could be lacking of money or have different priorities in life. Thus I can always come around at a later stage and reattempt the sale. Many sales require around five attempts until the customer finally says yes and this is the true nature of this business.

Day 85: I got a new companion

Who said the Law of Attractions does't work! Just when I was thinking about come company that would assist me in gaining more motivation for my work and bring some amusement, today I already met some interesting candidate. Let me explained exactly what happened.

Yesterday when I went into woods, at the bus station, when the path started, I black cat was laying in the middle of the path and miaowed. When I approached, it stood up and started rubbing onto my legs. I stroked him a few times and did not know what it wants from me. After short time I continued the walk. I was thinking about that cat when I returned home and wondered why was he staying there.

Today I decided to go into woods again on the same path to see if the cat was still there, however I did not see it. However when I returned and went bye the bus station, I saw him again, ling near the road and miaowing. I asked two elder people that I just met if they know anything about that cat. They suggested that the cat is abandoned since people often leave their unwanted pets near the last bus stations. So I decided to take him to my home and see if we would come along.

The cat hat several ticks and was very stressed. Thus I firstly gave hime something to eat and drink and then removed some ticks. In the first couple of hours it was very restless, but after ome tapping therapy it calmed down. The neighbor suggested to bring it to the vet tomorrow which I will do in order to inspect him if it has some other parasites. I will keep it today in my room over night and see if this will suit it. Then tomorrow we'll go to the next step.

Day 84: Sun-breaking Saturday activities

After storm and rain there were several cold cloudy days where I did not feel like going out and I was also not very suitable weather for doing the laundry. Today the sun finally broke through the clouds and it became more warmer. Thus I washed and hanged the laundry to dry and then went to the woods for a walk to the new hill peak destination called the Head.

But what I was thinking of today was mostly what would be best use of my time to execute the business projects that would also result in making this world the best place for all. Since I live and work alone, basically all the work is done silently unless I would talk with people on the phone or have some business meetings. So what I miss is the company of someone that would assist me and with whom I could talk regularly and reflect easier on my progress. However all the people that I know to be suitable for this kind of cooperation are currently busy so I will have to wait a while to test out this point.

Also the business projects are being developed by business associates and are also best to wait until they are finalized. There are couple of other activities and remaining of the past projects that I could engage and clear however I am not motivated enough to do that. Today thus I invested most of my time to learn some new text by hearth that I would need for the business presentation and I will then start collecting hot leads in order to be prepared when some assistance will be finally available.

Day 83: Envy towards my guitar playing friend

I visited today my new friend and I noticed that he had a guitar in the corner of his room. I asked him if this was his guitar and how good does he know how to play it. He grabbed the acoustic guitar and start playing and he was very good. He then opened also his second electric guitar and demonstrated playing  next he displayed also his third bass guitar. He also incorporated a new device that he operated by foot and he used it to record some music and then replay it. Thus after fourth time it sounded like four man were playing a guitar.

While my friend was playing and it was for almost one hour, he would occasionally look at me and I did not know what he was thinking and what should I express. I was asking myself if he wanted me to admire him, applause him, start singing along or even dancing. Thus in order to avoid eye contact I mostly focused on his hand and guitar and just listend to the music.

The whole event triggered memories when about 15 year ago I also decided to lear playing a guitar and signed up for a private guitar school where I visited beginners guitar class for one year. After one year I was able to play several simple songs and I was happy about that. However when I would play in front of my friends, I did not received admiration as I expected but would instead made fun of me.

That event diminished my excitement as I did not see myself in the future as guitar entertainer. I did play afterwards songs for my own pleasure and amusement however the motivation to play guitar ended after couple of months and I sold the instrument. And it was not only because of the respond of others but also because playing a guitar personally was quite a different experience as simply observing others playing.

Yes, when I would listen to someone playing a guitar, I would think that this must be very simple, however it is not true. At least not at the beginning. It is a very specific sensation when holding a guitar, feeling the har wood of the body pressin g towards your body, smelling the metal smell of the quitar strings and feeling tiny metal strings pressing towards soft fingertips and inducing pain. It is only after years of practice where you stop being bothered with all the tiny unpleasant things and focusing on the music itself becomes possible.

So the bottom line is that considering all the potentials and possibilites in this world, I ask mysel if playing a guitar is really the best use of my remaining time in my life or should I rather do some other things, like writing going for a walk and writing self-forgiveness. Or would playing a guitar be a cool way of expressing myself, exploring the physical and taking the time off my computer related projects? 

Day 82: Executing new priorities

Since yesterday I got new information and funds that enabled me to move forward, I today started execution of the next logical steps. For some project I researched the locations in capital city that offer conference rooms and I also sent inquiry for suppliers of certain product that I will need for some other project. I then went through the financial documentation and decided what bills will I pay tomorrow. I also cleaned the computer files and emails and prepared for the selling activities of some products that were left on stock from two of my past projects that I decided to terminate.

What I am not very fun of that I after some time get bored and seek some entertainment and usually I go to YouTube and watch some movies. Since I am working alone in my apartment I some days don't even go out of apartment once a day. I think that I would be more effective if I would have some company or partner that would assist me at projects. So I will research the options and research what works best and how things will develop.

And I still have not disciplined myself not to watch movies late at night. Usually I watch them until 1 a.m. in the morning until my eyes would get very tired. And then I would also not wake up  before 9 a.m. in the morning. Somehow I thing that I would work too much if I would be more effective which is kind of self-deception. I know that I could discipline myself to be more productive, however I need to develop more self-directiveneness and a way of effective physical and mental relaxation.

Day 81: Great development of events today

I am excited again. Firstly I sold one of my computers today and I got some extra cash now that will enable me to cover some of my urgent expenses. Then the points about the business cleared which enabled me to now full move on. Tomorrow morning I will be having a strong motivation to wake up and move myself and I am looking forward to it.

I also met I guy today who finished first part of medical high school and is now deciding about specialization. I surprised myself with the level of enthusiasm that I used to express my points of view about the state of medical knowledge and indoctrination of the medical students. I asked him what he thinks about effectiveness of modern western medicine and if he knows about the ignorance and corruption in the pharmaceutical industry. He went blank and started to protect what the learned in the school, claiming that what I say is just a religion since he needs scientific evidence. So I did not want to push him more, however I think I made enough impact that he would start researching this point and maybe discover the truth.

Day 80: Business resistance backchat

Besides resistance towards writing blogs, I also experience resistance towards doing any other business activities. It is not that I have no ideas what to do in business, but past experiences and current global events made me uncertain about the results. I am unable to predict what will happen if I decide for some project and I am afraid that it will fail due to influences that I currently do not see or might develop in the future.

Excitement about some activity usually comes from certainty of the outcome, however things change in my life with the speed as never before. And then I also have to wait a lot more time that I used to. For example in my previous business of photography when I decided to reopen a photo studio, the delivery of the equipment took 7 months instead of 1 month as couple of years before. And also in current business I estimated that I will be fully running in 1 or 2 month tops, however it has been now 6 months after start and the money flow has still not stabilized. Now I am also to wait for several weeks for the launch of additional related products.

Well, I could do many business things or activities to earn money, however I now decide for the projects that impact this world in a way where the result will be a better place for all. This means that I also must collaborate with business peers all over the globe and come with a joint strategy that would be most effective. I am glad though that I decided this kind of activities since they bring me self-confidence and self-trust. They might not be very exciting on outside but deep inside I am sure that my life potential is well invested for the benefit of all.