For the last two weeks my only client for my design services has been some close relative. I mostly worked at his place on his computers, and I worked at home on my computer only for several hours, just in order to upload huge quantity of photos on his FaceBook and Picasa album, since his upload bandwidth is a few times slower than mine. Two weeks ago he payed me for the past work that I have done for him and we agreed for the price of the hour of work for the future projects. I was surprised how much work has he been giving me, since I expected that I would work for him just a few hours per day, so I could also work for other clients. But since there was so much to do at his place, I did not have any motivation and time to request orders from others.
After the last payment, he said that I should not expect new payments from him for a while, since he needs to get payed by his clients first. We agreed that he would call me only if there would be some urgent job to do, so I would have opportunity to get payed also from clients who have the money. But then I got surprised when he started giving me one order after another. I also noticed that he has been buying quite a lot of new stuff, so I told myself that he obviously knows what he is doing, and that he must have decided to give me a lot of work in order to support me by paying me a lot of money, since I have presented him exactly how much money I need monthly in order to pay all the bills.
Since I got a notice from the bank yesterday that I need to pay certain amount of money to cover my debt, I summed how much money I urgently need to pay the bank and other monthly bills. So when I went today at his place, I faced him with the number. He became very surprised and upset, when he saw the sum of how much he owes me for the work that I have done for him in past two weeks. From the beginning state of shock, he slowly started to build more and more anger, trying to present himself as a victim, as I milker cow, and me as the one who is exploiting and ripping him off. When I asked him, how come that he is acting so surprised, since we agreed on the price, and he knew and saw me what and for how long I have been working on his projects, he answered that we never agreed on the price, which is certainly not true.
He argued that if I would work for the price as I requested, I would in a month earn as much as the politicians. But I have not worked for him in past two weeks just 8 hours per day, 5 days in a week, but 7 days per week, and occasionally over 12 hours per day, so many working hours accumulated in that time. I guess he did not expected that, and he also never checked how many hour accumulated in between. I did not allow to react on his provocations, I stayed calm and tried to reason with him. But as I have known him for many years, he does not use reason very much, but allows his emotions to take him over and decides to play a role of helpless victim. He eventually told me, that he will try to pay me tomorrow, since he expects to receive some payment on his bank account. But after a while, after he stirred his emotions even more, he said that he is considering even paying me nothing, since this is a robbery, and that he is considering to never order my services again.
But I did not react and simply explained him again that the price of the hour of work that we agreed upon is less that one third of what I usually charge and one fourth of what is the standard recommended price for design services in our country. And he does not want to understand, that I have to pay for the taxes, expensed and the bank credits, since I am self-employed. If he would employ me, that would be the whole different story, since the employer pays for the taxes, but this was not the case. My current monthly expenses are twice the amount of money of the minimum wage in our country. I simply can not afford to work as employee at some company, since I would get just a little more that a minimum wage. So the only option at this time for me is to work as self-employed, to get some orders, and charge per hour of work much more than I would get as someone's employee.
We agreed that starting today, I would not work for him any longer and that I would work for other clients in the future. He would just call me if there would be any urgent job to do - and here we go again. But really, I simply can not feel pity for him just because he is my close relative. If he is not able to include the price of my work in the services and products that he sells forward to his clients, this is his problem. I can not care if I work for him or for someone others. Certain people want from me money, and I need to get money, regardless if from him or from someone else. It is quite cool to work at his place, but there are many emotions, judgements and projections involved, and he sometimes forgets what he promised. So tomorrow I will hit the road and start to visit new potential clients in order to get better payed jobs without or at least with less emotional dramas.
I also noticed that I've had a very unpleasant feeling, a knot in my belly, for the last week and I was not able to release the tension. A lot has been happening lately, very fierce forum and online chats, and strong pressures from the bank. I expect that I will be able to get enough orders and thus money in order to pay my debts. But I can not know how things will develop, so I will be giving it my best to try and see what will happen. Let us introduce the Equal Money System as soon as possible in order to quit fighting about how much is someone's labour worth and establishing equality and providing for basic needs of all living beings!
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25 October 2010
23 October 2010
2010 - Pointing fingers and blaming
I got recently a few lessons and realizations. While trying to solve some situation, I tried to explain my point of view and include exact information in order to picture the situation as a whole. I included exact posts, included names and actions, in order for everything to become totally clear. I did all this for other people so see that I am right and others are wrong. But since others were not involved in the situation, and did not have personal experience, they could only give the feedback, based on the information that I have given them. So instead of receiving the feedback about the situation, I was getting the feedback about my act of sharing the information. This resulted in very fast evolving thread, going in the total opposite direction as I expected.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to seek protection for my point of view by other people, not realizing that they can not have a valid base to give any kind of perspective, since they were not participating in the event.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to have fear and to be lazy in facing the people who have any issues with me directly, instead of simply labeling them to be wrong, and not taking the appropriate action, standing up as life and facing everybody honestly, until we would come to a common understanding.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to include the names of the people in my blogs, vlogs and forum posts in order to show everybody that they are wrong and I am rights, instead of sharing and facing my thought, feelings and emotions that are the cause of separation.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to think that some people are perfect and wanting from them to give me their opinion and then not being satisfied with their opinion, instead of considering everybody as one and equal and standing alone for the principle of what is best for all.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to think that I can only practice oneness and equality if I am part of some group, instead of realizing that all living beings are equal, regardless if part of some group or not, and that everyone is to stand equal to everyone at any single moment.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to try to save other people, collecting the knowledge and information that I would then be able to share to others as someone special, not realizing that we are all equal in the process, that everyone has his own life lessons, so everybody can teach others only by being a living example and not to perceive to be more than others.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to compromise myself, fanatically pushing the point of wanting to help others, not stopping soon enough, and getting more and more into debt, instead of taking care for a stable income first and then only contributing my excessive time and money to support others.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel good about the extensive quantity of vlogs and blogs that I have watched so far, picturing how everybody will be impressed by my achievements, instead of considering the record only as I support and plain evidence of my advancement.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to create a certain perception about someone based on information from a third party, instead of talking to that person directly and checking if the information is true or not.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself the feelings of fear when notification about new mail or post appears, since I allowed myself to define myself to what others think of me, wanting to please everybody, and not directing myself as what is best for all without any doubt.
..
22 October 2010
2010 - The history and future of me and Desteni
I started to research human behavior extensively in year 2002 when my girlfriend left me after 3 years of living together, since she did 'not feel safe'. This was a big shock for me, since by my perception was that I did everything in my power to be the best partner possible. We had a great time together, we never had any physical fight, had enough money, large apartment, so I could not understand how she could not 'feel safe'.
This event motivated me to started reading hundreds of book about psychology and relationships, and that slowly brought me to more exotic books of spirituality, esoterica and so on. I also developed a skin condition and went to visit doctor, who prescribed me some ointment, but it had no effect. So a started to research alternative medicine, have visited specialists of Chinese Traditional Medicine, Indian Ayurveda, Reiki, Angelic and other healers, who were all very self-confident in the beginning but none of their therapy had any effect whatsoever.
I also started to practice meditation, yoga and tai-chi, joined Hare Krishna and similar groups and became vegetarian. After few years of learning and practicing Tai-Chi, I decided to also start to teach it on my own, so for one season I taught three groups of students in different cities in my country as a part-time job, doing design and photography before noon and Tai-Chi in the afternoon. But after my student started to ask questions about life that I could not answer, and since the Tai-Chi started to develop in a full-time business, I decided to quit teaching Tai-Chi and continue with design services and life research.
After 8 years of researching and experiencing all sorts of philosophies, religions, healing techniques and taking many different classes, I considered myself ready to offer professional counseling services in order to start supporting people in distress more effectively. So I sold all my photo equipment, transformed the studio in a nice counseling office, renamed my business to 'The Oasis of Love', and started offering Reiki and Angelic Counseling in order to attract and help people who were more new-age oriented. But since I had not enough clients, I had to took additional job of business directory traveling agent in order to support myself.
I was also very sad to see how the health of my mother got worse every monty. She was a midwife and thus the part of our official medical system, but none of the professional doctors was able to help her. She smoked a lot, had great problems and pain in the spine, gained weight very quickly, her skin became red and started to peel-off. They diagnosed her of being an alcohol addict, but I have never seen her drinking any alcohol at all. Then she hot a tumor discovered in the stomach, had surgery, and then she lost her weight rapidly, so she started to complain how her excessive skin was hang down. And in the middle of the summer last year she committed suicide by drowning in the nearby accumulation lake. So this is why I lost all my respect for our official western medicine, since they could not save even one of their own.
In October 2009 I had an accident and while recovering at home, I met Desteni via YouTube videos. I become very exited about the message and considered it to be the best solution to the human problems. So I decided to dedicate myself to Desteni fully, applied for Structural Resonance Alignment Training, renamed my business to 'Center for Oneness and Equality', and created new web site and leaflets in order to spread the message of Desteni and Structural Resonance Alignment Training. I have searched the Open Forum in order to see if there was already someone from Slovenia at the Desteni but I could not find anybody. However I did not introduced myself yet in on the forum since I had plan to finish reading and watching all the Desteni material first and then start to participating on the forum.
I was very surprised when someone sent me an e-mail, noticing me, that he made a report to Desteni that I am teaching Structural Resonance Alignment Training. I was happy to find out that I am not the only one from Slovenia, and that there were already a few young men, who have met Desteni even sooner than me. But I was not very fun of the way of finding this out, since it resulted in picturing me as abuser of Desteni and Structural Resonance Alignment Training solely for my self-interest. This is why I was forced to throw all my leaflets away and I also renamed my business to 'Valentin Rozman' which is my real name, since the people did not understand properly what 'Center for Oneness and Equality' was about.
After that I started to present my services as 'psychological counseling' and 'psychotherapy' services, not using Desteni name in any way whatsoever, in order to attract the most wider range of the people who were seeking help regarding emotions, feelings and relationship conflicts, and not getting any more in the conflict with Desteni. There is no law in our country to prevent using the keywords 'psychology' and 'psychotherapy' to describe the sort of counseling that one is offering. I made clear that I am not a psychologist with a degree, since my knowledge and understanding of how we function is much wider and deeper. But after several months of investing in printed and online promotion of my services, I have spent all my money and still not attracted enough clients to support myself. So I had to quit promoting counseling and restart my graphic design services.
I am now considering what would be the best for all. Some Desteni members from Slovenia expressed their perspective of my professional counseling services to be the act of taking the 'middle path' and in conflict with Desteni. Since I will now start to make my income by design services, and since I do not expect many counseling clients in the future, there is no need for me to charge for the counseling services anymore. This is true especially due to the launch of the Introduction To Desteni course, since I see it as the way of supporting others in much more effective way. So I decided to present myself from now on as a 'Graphic designer in the Desteni process'. I will produce my income solely by design services and Desteni Income Plan. If anyone would like to come for counseling, I will perform it for free, simply sharing myself and inviting everybody to join Desteni and Introduction To Desteni course.
.
This event motivated me to started reading hundreds of book about psychology and relationships, and that slowly brought me to more exotic books of spirituality, esoterica and so on. I also developed a skin condition and went to visit doctor, who prescribed me some ointment, but it had no effect. So a started to research alternative medicine, have visited specialists of Chinese Traditional Medicine, Indian Ayurveda, Reiki, Angelic and other healers, who were all very self-confident in the beginning but none of their therapy had any effect whatsoever.
I also started to practice meditation, yoga and tai-chi, joined Hare Krishna and similar groups and became vegetarian. After few years of learning and practicing Tai-Chi, I decided to also start to teach it on my own, so for one season I taught three groups of students in different cities in my country as a part-time job, doing design and photography before noon and Tai-Chi in the afternoon. But after my student started to ask questions about life that I could not answer, and since the Tai-Chi started to develop in a full-time business, I decided to quit teaching Tai-Chi and continue with design services and life research.
After 8 years of researching and experiencing all sorts of philosophies, religions, healing techniques and taking many different classes, I considered myself ready to offer professional counseling services in order to start supporting people in distress more effectively. So I sold all my photo equipment, transformed the studio in a nice counseling office, renamed my business to 'The Oasis of Love', and started offering Reiki and Angelic Counseling in order to attract and help people who were more new-age oriented. But since I had not enough clients, I had to took additional job of business directory traveling agent in order to support myself.
I was also very sad to see how the health of my mother got worse every monty. She was a midwife and thus the part of our official medical system, but none of the professional doctors was able to help her. She smoked a lot, had great problems and pain in the spine, gained weight very quickly, her skin became red and started to peel-off. They diagnosed her of being an alcohol addict, but I have never seen her drinking any alcohol at all. Then she hot a tumor discovered in the stomach, had surgery, and then she lost her weight rapidly, so she started to complain how her excessive skin was hang down. And in the middle of the summer last year she committed suicide by drowning in the nearby accumulation lake. So this is why I lost all my respect for our official western medicine, since they could not save even one of their own.
In October 2009 I had an accident and while recovering at home, I met Desteni via YouTube videos. I become very exited about the message and considered it to be the best solution to the human problems. So I decided to dedicate myself to Desteni fully, applied for Structural Resonance Alignment Training, renamed my business to 'Center for Oneness and Equality', and created new web site and leaflets in order to spread the message of Desteni and Structural Resonance Alignment Training. I have searched the Open Forum in order to see if there was already someone from Slovenia at the Desteni but I could not find anybody. However I did not introduced myself yet in on the forum since I had plan to finish reading and watching all the Desteni material first and then start to participating on the forum.
I was very surprised when someone sent me an e-mail, noticing me, that he made a report to Desteni that I am teaching Structural Resonance Alignment Training. I was happy to find out that I am not the only one from Slovenia, and that there were already a few young men, who have met Desteni even sooner than me. But I was not very fun of the way of finding this out, since it resulted in picturing me as abuser of Desteni and Structural Resonance Alignment Training solely for my self-interest. This is why I was forced to throw all my leaflets away and I also renamed my business to 'Valentin Rozman' which is my real name, since the people did not understand properly what 'Center for Oneness and Equality' was about.
After that I started to present my services as 'psychological counseling' and 'psychotherapy' services, not using Desteni name in any way whatsoever, in order to attract the most wider range of the people who were seeking help regarding emotions, feelings and relationship conflicts, and not getting any more in the conflict with Desteni. There is no law in our country to prevent using the keywords 'psychology' and 'psychotherapy' to describe the sort of counseling that one is offering. I made clear that I am not a psychologist with a degree, since my knowledge and understanding of how we function is much wider and deeper. But after several months of investing in printed and online promotion of my services, I have spent all my money and still not attracted enough clients to support myself. So I had to quit promoting counseling and restart my graphic design services.
I am now considering what would be the best for all. Some Desteni members from Slovenia expressed their perspective of my professional counseling services to be the act of taking the 'middle path' and in conflict with Desteni. Since I will now start to make my income by design services, and since I do not expect many counseling clients in the future, there is no need for me to charge for the counseling services anymore. This is true especially due to the launch of the Introduction To Desteni course, since I see it as the way of supporting others in much more effective way. So I decided to present myself from now on as a 'Graphic designer in the Desteni process'. I will produce my income solely by design services and Desteni Income Plan. If anyone would like to come for counseling, I will perform it for free, simply sharing myself and inviting everybody to join Desteni and Introduction To Desteni course.
.
13 October 2010
2010 - Feeling better, processing posts, feedbacks, choosing celibacy
Today is the third day of suffering vertigo and the condition has improved significantly. Yesterday I spent most of the day lying on the sofa, resting and watching vlogs, blogs and one interesting, almost 2 hours long video lecture Capitalism Hits the Fan from professor of economics Richard D. Wolff, who shared his perspective about true reason behind current economic collapse in the USA. Then at about 5pm my some close relative asked me if I could do some designs for his clients at his place. He lives just 5 minutes walk away, but since my vertigo was too strong, he then picked me up with his car. I worked there until 9pm and then he drove me back. After that I spent reading blogs, forums, watching vlogs and chatting until 3am. By yesterday evening my vertigo diminished for about 40% and I got stable enough not to get nausea anymore. Today the vertigo has gone for about 80%, but I feel still too dizzy to go out and visit potential clients for my design services. So I decided to stay home, write this blog, watch some others blogs and vlogs and in the afternoon, when some close relative returns home, I got again some design work to do at his place.
Now about my previous two blogs, wherein I described my second experience with the new girl, I got two feedbacks. The first one was the SMS from the girl itself, who asked me if I got any better and she expressed her hope that I would be able to find some girlfriend that would suit my needs. Her message indicated that she read my blog, so this came quite as surprise, since I did not expect her to follow my posts. I was considering to send her the link to my blog, but since her level of understanding english is suppose to be poor, I estimated that she would not to be able to understand it that she would even get offended by sharing my experience with her publcly. But as I see, she did not only read it, but also understood and accepted it very well. We exchanged some more SMS messages afterwards and she expressed her remorse since her language skills and current life situation do not enable her to be kind of agreement like I would want to. However we spent great time together, and that is what counts the most.
The second feedback came from some Desteni Slovenia member, who experienced my writing as praising myself and trying others to feel envy. She instructed me to immediately do self-forgiveness on these points. We had online chat, and I explained her, that if she experienced any emotional reactions while reading my post, it is up to her to self-forgive any thoughts, feelings and emotions. From my point of view, she is still reacting very much from the point of preaching, criticizing, blaming and projecting her own energetic movements on to others. I noticed many of her FaceBook comments, when she would argue with others about Desteni message, and she would very soon loose her temper and use the expression like: "Face this or die!". While most of Desteni members know what this expression is about, I do not recommend to use it in the first chat with others, since they would understand it simply as life threat, and this is not the way the chat should be experienced, if you want to stand as one end equal with the person who you chat with.
I have been involved in lots of online chats lately and I realized that I have to be very patient and become one with the person in order to explain what process I am currently in and to invite one to join standing up as life. It takes a lot of time, and whenever I was in a hurry, I would just start criticizing and driving the person away. And this is certainly not the effect that I wanted to achieve. Desteni is not about mind knowledge, one needs to get true realization and properly defuse pretty much every emotional reaction first in order to be proper support for others. This is why I also hold myself back and try not to comment much at this time, since I see, that I have quite some issues to deal with myself. So I am currently focusing on watching blogs and vlogs of others and writing myself to freedom in order to become able leading constructive conversation.
So far I have dedicated myself to watch all the Desteni and Subscription Forum new videos, I am up to date with all Subscription Forum topics and with Equal Money Forum Introduce Yourself section topics. I have subscribed to all most active Desteni members blogs on Blogger, have read and commented all recent posts, and I am reading and commenting all new ones. Yesterday I have found a way to also add blogs of Desteni members form WordPress and Multiply platforms to my Google Reader application, so now there is already another 117 blog posts for me to read, which I will focus on slowly in the following days. Then I have a plan to read all the post on the Equal Money Forum, and then also to be more active in the Desteni Open Forum, at least in the Introduce Yourself section. And of course, I have started to blog more often, and I will also continue with vlogging.
Regarding my recent dating activities, I experienced it as something very time and also quite money consuming, and this is not really what I want. While holding hands, kissing, hugging and having sex is very nice, I consider all this just I waste of time, since everything in the world is falling apart, and if I do not focus now on contributing to solutions, I am allowing this agony to continue, until it would eventually also hit me very hard. So no time for distraction with relationships, and I have decided not only to continue with stopping masturbation, but even to have a celibacy, so no sex at all until this mess in the whole world is sorted out properly.
.
Now about my previous two blogs, wherein I described my second experience with the new girl, I got two feedbacks. The first one was the SMS from the girl itself, who asked me if I got any better and she expressed her hope that I would be able to find some girlfriend that would suit my needs. Her message indicated that she read my blog, so this came quite as surprise, since I did not expect her to follow my posts. I was considering to send her the link to my blog, but since her level of understanding english is suppose to be poor, I estimated that she would not to be able to understand it that she would even get offended by sharing my experience with her publcly. But as I see, she did not only read it, but also understood and accepted it very well. We exchanged some more SMS messages afterwards and she expressed her remorse since her language skills and current life situation do not enable her to be kind of agreement like I would want to. However we spent great time together, and that is what counts the most.
The second feedback came from some Desteni Slovenia member, who experienced my writing as praising myself and trying others to feel envy. She instructed me to immediately do self-forgiveness on these points. We had online chat, and I explained her, that if she experienced any emotional reactions while reading my post, it is up to her to self-forgive any thoughts, feelings and emotions. From my point of view, she is still reacting very much from the point of preaching, criticizing, blaming and projecting her own energetic movements on to others. I noticed many of her FaceBook comments, when she would argue with others about Desteni message, and she would very soon loose her temper and use the expression like: "Face this or die!". While most of Desteni members know what this expression is about, I do not recommend to use it in the first chat with others, since they would understand it simply as life threat, and this is not the way the chat should be experienced, if you want to stand as one end equal with the person who you chat with.
I have been involved in lots of online chats lately and I realized that I have to be very patient and become one with the person in order to explain what process I am currently in and to invite one to join standing up as life. It takes a lot of time, and whenever I was in a hurry, I would just start criticizing and driving the person away. And this is certainly not the effect that I wanted to achieve. Desteni is not about mind knowledge, one needs to get true realization and properly defuse pretty much every emotional reaction first in order to be proper support for others. This is why I also hold myself back and try not to comment much at this time, since I see, that I have quite some issues to deal with myself. So I am currently focusing on watching blogs and vlogs of others and writing myself to freedom in order to become able leading constructive conversation.
So far I have dedicated myself to watch all the Desteni and Subscription Forum new videos, I am up to date with all Subscription Forum topics and with Equal Money Forum Introduce Yourself section topics. I have subscribed to all most active Desteni members blogs on Blogger, have read and commented all recent posts, and I am reading and commenting all new ones. Yesterday I have found a way to also add blogs of Desteni members form WordPress and Multiply platforms to my Google Reader application, so now there is already another 117 blog posts for me to read, which I will focus on slowly in the following days. Then I have a plan to read all the post on the Equal Money Forum, and then also to be more active in the Desteni Open Forum, at least in the Introduce Yourself section. And of course, I have started to blog more often, and I will also continue with vlogging.
Regarding my recent dating activities, I experienced it as something very time and also quite money consuming, and this is not really what I want. While holding hands, kissing, hugging and having sex is very nice, I consider all this just I waste of time, since everything in the world is falling apart, and if I do not focus now on contributing to solutions, I am allowing this agony to continue, until it would eventually also hit me very hard. So no time for distraction with relationships, and I have decided not only to continue with stopping masturbation, but even to have a celibacy, so no sex at all until this mess in the whole world is sorted out properly.
.
12 October 2010
2010 - Having vertigo the whole day
Yesterday I wanted to wake up at the sign of alarm clock for not to sleep more than 6 hours. When I heard the alarm, I tried to stand up, but my head was a total mess. If I would move it just an inch, I would feel very dizzy, getting strong vertigo. I forced myself to get to the bathroom and with immense effort I managed to get to the toilet, where I defecated. When I stood up, I got nausea and tried to vomit, but then I did not since the feeling passed. When I looked myself in the mirror, I noticed, that I have a red swelling under my left eye, and when I took a piss, I noticed that the head of my penis is covered with tiny red boils. Then I went slowly to the living room where I laid on the sofa.
I was lying on the sofa the whole day, trying not to move, since even slightest movement of my head resulted in a strong vertigo. I felt no need to eat and drink, I only once went to the kitchen and had one cookie and a glass of water. I continued to lie down, hoping that my condition would improve in time. But it did not. And since I did not want all day to get wasted, at about 2pm I grabbed my notebook and started to write my blog about the second visit of the new girl. And it took me about 4 hours to type it. After posting the blog, I took a nap, and then started to watch Desteni members vlogs, blogs, new Subscription forum videos and went through all of Introduce Yourself section of the Money Forum, to greet all the members. At about 2am, I went to the bedroom.
When I woke up today, I expected the condition to be improved, but it basically stayed the same. I went to the bathroom with great effort, and then stepped to the living room gently, stopping after making a few steps, since every movement resulted in great nausea. When I reached the living room with the kitchen, the nausea became so great that I vomited into the kitchen sink. Of course nothing much came out of me, since my stomach was empty. I felt a bit better after, but vertigo remained, so I just prepared myself I jug of water and placed it on the table near sofa, where I lied down and started to write this blog.
Of course I tried to figure out what is the cause of this condition of mine, and there are many possible factors. If I look back, I can see, that my weekend was quite full, busy and stressful. On the sunday morning I went with my friend to the Nature & Health fair at about 8am. It was an hour drive with my car to the Ljubljana capital city. The fair was big, noisy, and I got involved in several intense and long discussions with some people who I already knew and were exhibiting their product or services. I tried to spread the word about Desteni and invited them to check the material.
One of the conversations took place outside, in the fair yard, where I was sitting down in a bit cold windy an sunny place with some girl, who has decided to live in community at the high mountain farm. I tried to explain her that running away from the civilization and enjoying the nature is not the best solution for the world problems, but she simply kept having a large smile on her face, enjoying her good feeling, and arguing that she was once an activist, but then she realized that one can do nothing against the system and the only thing that one can do, is to care for oneself and be a living example of how one can live in harmony with nature. From the books she found out about how experiments of small groups of people meditating resulted in significant dropping of the crime rate in surrounding area.
So by her believe, collective awareness is changing automatically by keeping joyful an peaceful thoughts in the mind, and it takes just a few percent of population with changed thinking an living patterns, in order to influence the rest of population, and that is suppose to be a scientific proven fact. When I asked her if she eats, and how is she contributing to feed the starved people around the word, she answered that this world is just an illusion, that even human bodies are not real, that she eats very little and simply for the sake of socializing. Many people come to visit their farm and they all return changed. So there is no need to change the system but just to be a living example and let others to also change the way they live by themselves. She did not want to consider my arguments, she hugged me joyfully, said that I will one day realize all this, and then she left. Time will prove, whose solutions are really the best for all.
Me and my friend left the fair at about 3pm and then we picked my forgotten pants from the past Desteni Slovenia group meeting, which waited for me at the Hilda's place, and then we turned home. When we arrived to Radovljica, with is the city, closest to the places where we both live, my friend invited me for a half of pizza, and so we had a dinner. After that I drove him to his place, and I went to my some close relative's place a few blocks away, since we planned to mounting one large advertising sign for some restaurant roof. It was an hour drive, and then it took us about an hour to finish the job in the slightly wind condition. While returning back, we stopped at the Jesenice retirement home and visited my grandmother, who always prepares a lot of food for me to take it to my home.
After returning to my place, I started to tidy my apartment since the new girl was to visit me. All about her visit I already explained in the previous blog post. So the reason for the vertigo could be due too extensive exposure to sun and the wind, too intense stress, physical and sexual activities, or it could be also some food poisoning or anything else that I even did not considered yet. I experience this kind of vertigo and nausea a few times per year for no known reason and it usually ends within one day. But now, it is the same condition already for the second day and I have no idea how long it will take it to improve. If no change after two days, I might go to the doctor to check what is wrong. And if anyone of you who are reading this, have any suggestions, please comment and let me know what to do.
.
I was lying on the sofa the whole day, trying not to move, since even slightest movement of my head resulted in a strong vertigo. I felt no need to eat and drink, I only once went to the kitchen and had one cookie and a glass of water. I continued to lie down, hoping that my condition would improve in time. But it did not. And since I did not want all day to get wasted, at about 2pm I grabbed my notebook and started to write my blog about the second visit of the new girl. And it took me about 4 hours to type it. After posting the blog, I took a nap, and then started to watch Desteni members vlogs, blogs, new Subscription forum videos and went through all of Introduce Yourself section of the Money Forum, to greet all the members. At about 2am, I went to the bedroom.
When I woke up today, I expected the condition to be improved, but it basically stayed the same. I went to the bathroom with great effort, and then stepped to the living room gently, stopping after making a few steps, since every movement resulted in great nausea. When I reached the living room with the kitchen, the nausea became so great that I vomited into the kitchen sink. Of course nothing much came out of me, since my stomach was empty. I felt a bit better after, but vertigo remained, so I just prepared myself I jug of water and placed it on the table near sofa, where I lied down and started to write this blog.
Of course I tried to figure out what is the cause of this condition of mine, and there are many possible factors. If I look back, I can see, that my weekend was quite full, busy and stressful. On the sunday morning I went with my friend to the Nature & Health fair at about 8am. It was an hour drive with my car to the Ljubljana capital city. The fair was big, noisy, and I got involved in several intense and long discussions with some people who I already knew and were exhibiting their product or services. I tried to spread the word about Desteni and invited them to check the material.
One of the conversations took place outside, in the fair yard, where I was sitting down in a bit cold windy an sunny place with some girl, who has decided to live in community at the high mountain farm. I tried to explain her that running away from the civilization and enjoying the nature is not the best solution for the world problems, but she simply kept having a large smile on her face, enjoying her good feeling, and arguing that she was once an activist, but then she realized that one can do nothing against the system and the only thing that one can do, is to care for oneself and be a living example of how one can live in harmony with nature. From the books she found out about how experiments of small groups of people meditating resulted in significant dropping of the crime rate in surrounding area.
So by her believe, collective awareness is changing automatically by keeping joyful an peaceful thoughts in the mind, and it takes just a few percent of population with changed thinking an living patterns, in order to influence the rest of population, and that is suppose to be a scientific proven fact. When I asked her if she eats, and how is she contributing to feed the starved people around the word, she answered that this world is just an illusion, that even human bodies are not real, that she eats very little and simply for the sake of socializing. Many people come to visit their farm and they all return changed. So there is no need to change the system but just to be a living example and let others to also change the way they live by themselves. She did not want to consider my arguments, she hugged me joyfully, said that I will one day realize all this, and then she left. Time will prove, whose solutions are really the best for all.
Me and my friend left the fair at about 3pm and then we picked my forgotten pants from the past Desteni Slovenia group meeting, which waited for me at the Hilda's place, and then we turned home. When we arrived to Radovljica, with is the city, closest to the places where we both live, my friend invited me for a half of pizza, and so we had a dinner. After that I drove him to his place, and I went to my some close relative's place a few blocks away, since we planned to mounting one large advertising sign for some restaurant roof. It was an hour drive, and then it took us about an hour to finish the job in the slightly wind condition. While returning back, we stopped at the Jesenice retirement home and visited my grandmother, who always prepares a lot of food for me to take it to my home.
After returning to my place, I started to tidy my apartment since the new girl was to visit me. All about her visit I already explained in the previous blog post. So the reason for the vertigo could be due too extensive exposure to sun and the wind, too intense stress, physical and sexual activities, or it could be also some food poisoning or anything else that I even did not considered yet. I experience this kind of vertigo and nausea a few times per year for no known reason and it usually ends within one day. But now, it is the same condition already for the second day and I have no idea how long it will take it to improve. If no change after two days, I might go to the doctor to check what is wrong. And if anyone of you who are reading this, have any suggestions, please comment and let me know what to do.
.
11 October 2010
2010 - Second date with the new girl
This weekend the girl who contacted me over dating web site five weeks ago, visited me for the second time after we met for the first time one week ago. Since our first meeting, we talked on the phone and decided to meet again in two weeks, but then she sent me the message this sunday morning, that she is not able to wait that long. So I said, no problem and that she can come over in the evening, since I had some business to do yet over the day.
She arrived at about 7pm, we talked at the expanded sofa in the living for a while and then I suggested both of us to get naked to explore each other's physical bodies. We started to kiss, touch and caress each other's bodies slowly and gently, since I wanted to enjoy ourselves this way as long as possible. I laid down on my back and instructed her to research my body, and then we swapped positions. After I while I focused on her cave of wonders and made sure with my tongue, fingers and rubber vibrating dildo, that she experienced the greatest orgasmic pleasure possible. When she could not stand it anymore, I joined her with my own magic stick and we came, hugging each other tightly and kissing passionately, to magnificent finish. Then we took a shower in a row, and I prepared a dinner. We then watched together some Desteni members vlogs, blogs and the latest South Park cartoon episode on my notebook, while lying and holding each other on the sofa. At about midnight we went to bedroom and slowly fell to sleep while hugging each other gently.
I have set the alarm clock to wake me up at 6am, and after few snoozes, I finally woke up, went to the bathroom, shaved myself, brushed my teeth and returned to bed. I intended to read some blogs until she would also wake up, but I noticed that she already stated to open her eyes, searching for me. So I laid down the computer and squeezed myself to her body. She had to go to the bathroom and returned swiftly. We continued to kiss and caress each other and we got intimate for the second time nicely and slowly, and she wondered how is it possible for me to hold for such a long time. Finally I also let myself to came and then we remained embraced tightly for quite I while. Since we could not just lay all morning, I suggested to stand up and to take a shower, and so we did.
I prepared a breakfast, we ate, tidied up and lied down on the sofa again for a while. Since it appeared to be a sunny sunday, I suggested we go out for some sightseeing. We went with my car to the nearby Radovljica city, firstly we went to the old square, took a look of Museum of apiculture, and then I showed her our sport park with the swimming pool, since she got 11 years old daughter who is a swimming champion. Then continued with the car to Bled city, a world-famous tourist attraction and congress centre, since it has a lake with an island and the church on the middle, and the magnificent castle on the rocks high about the lake. The lake is surrounded with the hills and high mountains, the nature is very green, so no wonder why many of couples from all over the world select Bled to be their wedding place.
We parked the car under the hill where there is a ski slope in the winter and tobogganing in the summer and then we took a walk around the lake, which takes about 1 hour to finish. In between we visited my friend's gallery Deva Puri which currently hosts the largest artwork exhibition of deceased Slovenian painter Maksim Gaspari, known by the motives of Slovenian folklore. After finishing the tour around the lake, I invited her to a lunch at the Bled shop centre. Since it became quite late, we decided to return to my place. She has a bit more than 2 hour of ride to her home, and she wanted to arrive there still in the daylight. So we parted about 6 pm and I told her that I will call her about the future plans. While this was so far just a story about how our meeting looked from the outside, the main reason for writing this blog is to share my thought and feelings about this whole event.
When she wrote me a first message about 5 weeks ago, she titled it "The love at first sight". This immediately made me consider that she is projecting her expectations based on my picture-presentation in my dating web site profile. So when we talked then on the phone I explained her that I am involved in the research how mind influences our lives and that she should expect from me quite a different experience and attitude comparing to common reactions of the men. She said that she is very fun of that and that she has also read quite a few books that explain human behavior. So I said ok, and gave her a chance to meet me in person. She explained, that it takes her quite a long time to open herself to relations but then, she is totally dedicated and faithful to her partner. She parted 6 month ago with the guy who she met when she was 16 years old and she was living with him for 17 years, until he left her after some fight. She suspected that the fight was not the true reason, and that he already had another lover for some time before they parted.
So, after we spent two weekends together, I noticed that she is very quiet, not expressing herself much, and that I have to ask her directly in order for her to share with me what she thinks and feels. Before our first meeting, she expressed her concerns that I might not like her since her figure is not perfect. She indeed is a bit overweight, which in deed is not my dream body, but I did not allowed this to be too great obstacle in order for me to accept her. While too much weight is not practical, it's nice for bones to have some flesh, so the hugging and squeezing feels more soft and cozy. And when we took a quite fast walk around the lake, she surprised me by how she could cope the tempo, since it was not her to complain regarding the long walk, but it was my legs that started to hurt and I felt very heavy, tired and sleeping, constantly yawning and complaining.
But the things that bother me is asking me, if I want to have I child. She explained that she wants to have I second child, and that her ex did not want to have another one as long the first one would not grow up. She also considered to accept her ex back, but she told her that the only option is if she moves to his place and joins him and his new girlfriend. And all that she does is repeating cycle of going to work and cooking and tiding when she returns from work. As she would not have any life of her own and devoting herself to be in the service of others. So I see, she has quite a few similarities with my first ex girlfriend, which we lived together for 3 years. She is very introverted, humble and complaisant, and considering herself only in a role of a obedient worker, mother and a housewife. I have a hard time to picture her living with me as an agreement since she understands almost no english and she is not very fun of using computers. And since computers are my life, and I want to be with someone that would also study Desteni material and be involved in the self-realization process, I have quite a few doubts about our common future.
I see her as a personality who does not stand up for herself, giving her energy to others, not allowing herself to express, drinking the life energy from her partner and others by playing the role of the good mother and helpless victim of the hard work. She would need to transcend this points in order to be a proper agreement in my life. Even though I enjoyed myself with her sexually very much, I noticed that a consider the time of being together with a girls quite wasted. Since while we spend time together by touching, talking and watching each other, I am allowing myself not to do anything to stop the hunger, war and suffering of billions of living beings. I have been now in the process of releasing myself from energy addictions for quite some time now. In the time when I had the firs sex with that girl, I was in about 30 days since I stopped masturbating, and I had no great desires to experience sex. However I did execute sexual intercourse with her in the evening and in the morning, when she came to visit me for the first and now for second time. I did it mostly because she felt lonely, being single for six months, so I arranged her to feel nice and accepted. She reported how she remained joyful for several days after our first meeting and how everybody noticed and praised her regarding that.
So I treated this girl as one and equal, not allowing myself any thought of judgment to appear while we were together, and made sure, that she would enjoy herself while visiting me. But I did not do that from the starting point of seducing her or because of falling in love with her, but simply because I wanted to express unconditional love, and I would treat this way every girl who would come to visit me, as I have proven this many times before. I treat everyone the best I can, but if I would want to consider any girl as my agreement or long-term partner, just enjoyment of intimacy is for me not enough at all. I have learned to be alone for the past 7 years, and I enjoy being single ver much. It is very practical to have my own place, arrange it and do whatever and whenever I want in any given moment. I have my peace, silence, and unlimited potentials. And I spend most of my time in front of computer, working, researching, learning, transcending myself and doing stuff that would make the world a better place for all. So these are my primary points at this moment, and any relationship would distract me from doing this. Sex is not what drives me any longer, and as much I enjoy experiencing orgasm, I have dedicated not to be driven by the energy anymore and to stand up for life, world equality and for what is best for all.
I consider my time too precious to spend it for relationships. I do have fun of meeting new people, and I am not immune to attractive female bodies, but I direct myself not to be driven by this pictures. I am opened to meet now people, especially girls, however the main motivation for that is to spread the information about Desteni and the practical solutions for current problems in the relationships and in the current global system. I enjoy having sex, but I even consider to stop intercourse before I get to the point of orgasm and ejaculation. So I may participate in the sex long enough for my partner to experience orgasm, however I would hold myself through all that time and stop soon enough not to experience orgasm also for myself. I find very important to deprogram/de-associate females or pictures of female bodies from the addictive energies of orgasm. And this is simply because I have been watching porn for many years and started to define pictures of young female bodies with the pleasant energy of orgasm. I noticed that I get turned on very quickly and easily simply by watching some erotic movie scenes or observing attractive females, even very very young. I understand now, how practicing masturbation can from time really turn someone to become child molester or even rapist.
I stop myself to be energy addict, I de-associate pictures of female bodies in the movies, magazined and in the flesh from addictive orgasmic energy. I stop all thought and fantasies regarding women, I consider every person, regardless of the sex, as equal and one with me. I stand up as life, and focus on what is important and necessary to do at this moment, considering the current situation on this planet, to bring solutions for dignified life for every living being. I will contribute for Equal Money System to be implemented as soon as possible, to equalize global system and to free all beings from current suffering. I accept in my life only those who are willing to transcend own personality and stand up for life as well, or they may simply continue with their own life style and let me do what I consider to be best for all. This is how I decide and this is how it will be.
.
She arrived at about 7pm, we talked at the expanded sofa in the living for a while and then I suggested both of us to get naked to explore each other's physical bodies. We started to kiss, touch and caress each other's bodies slowly and gently, since I wanted to enjoy ourselves this way as long as possible. I laid down on my back and instructed her to research my body, and then we swapped positions. After I while I focused on her cave of wonders and made sure with my tongue, fingers and rubber vibrating dildo, that she experienced the greatest orgasmic pleasure possible. When she could not stand it anymore, I joined her with my own magic stick and we came, hugging each other tightly and kissing passionately, to magnificent finish. Then we took a shower in a row, and I prepared a dinner. We then watched together some Desteni members vlogs, blogs and the latest South Park cartoon episode on my notebook, while lying and holding each other on the sofa. At about midnight we went to bedroom and slowly fell to sleep while hugging each other gently.
I have set the alarm clock to wake me up at 6am, and after few snoozes, I finally woke up, went to the bathroom, shaved myself, brushed my teeth and returned to bed. I intended to read some blogs until she would also wake up, but I noticed that she already stated to open her eyes, searching for me. So I laid down the computer and squeezed myself to her body. She had to go to the bathroom and returned swiftly. We continued to kiss and caress each other and we got intimate for the second time nicely and slowly, and she wondered how is it possible for me to hold for such a long time. Finally I also let myself to came and then we remained embraced tightly for quite I while. Since we could not just lay all morning, I suggested to stand up and to take a shower, and so we did.
I prepared a breakfast, we ate, tidied up and lied down on the sofa again for a while. Since it appeared to be a sunny sunday, I suggested we go out for some sightseeing. We went with my car to the nearby Radovljica city, firstly we went to the old square, took a look of Museum of apiculture, and then I showed her our sport park with the swimming pool, since she got 11 years old daughter who is a swimming champion. Then continued with the car to Bled city, a world-famous tourist attraction and congress centre, since it has a lake with an island and the church on the middle, and the magnificent castle on the rocks high about the lake. The lake is surrounded with the hills and high mountains, the nature is very green, so no wonder why many of couples from all over the world select Bled to be their wedding place.
We parked the car under the hill where there is a ski slope in the winter and tobogganing in the summer and then we took a walk around the lake, which takes about 1 hour to finish. In between we visited my friend's gallery Deva Puri which currently hosts the largest artwork exhibition of deceased Slovenian painter Maksim Gaspari, known by the motives of Slovenian folklore. After finishing the tour around the lake, I invited her to a lunch at the Bled shop centre. Since it became quite late, we decided to return to my place. She has a bit more than 2 hour of ride to her home, and she wanted to arrive there still in the daylight. So we parted about 6 pm and I told her that I will call her about the future plans. While this was so far just a story about how our meeting looked from the outside, the main reason for writing this blog is to share my thought and feelings about this whole event.
When she wrote me a first message about 5 weeks ago, she titled it "The love at first sight". This immediately made me consider that she is projecting her expectations based on my picture-presentation in my dating web site profile. So when we talked then on the phone I explained her that I am involved in the research how mind influences our lives and that she should expect from me quite a different experience and attitude comparing to common reactions of the men. She said that she is very fun of that and that she has also read quite a few books that explain human behavior. So I said ok, and gave her a chance to meet me in person. She explained, that it takes her quite a long time to open herself to relations but then, she is totally dedicated and faithful to her partner. She parted 6 month ago with the guy who she met when she was 16 years old and she was living with him for 17 years, until he left her after some fight. She suspected that the fight was not the true reason, and that he already had another lover for some time before they parted.
So, after we spent two weekends together, I noticed that she is very quiet, not expressing herself much, and that I have to ask her directly in order for her to share with me what she thinks and feels. Before our first meeting, she expressed her concerns that I might not like her since her figure is not perfect. She indeed is a bit overweight, which in deed is not my dream body, but I did not allowed this to be too great obstacle in order for me to accept her. While too much weight is not practical, it's nice for bones to have some flesh, so the hugging and squeezing feels more soft and cozy. And when we took a quite fast walk around the lake, she surprised me by how she could cope the tempo, since it was not her to complain regarding the long walk, but it was my legs that started to hurt and I felt very heavy, tired and sleeping, constantly yawning and complaining.
But the things that bother me is asking me, if I want to have I child. She explained that she wants to have I second child, and that her ex did not want to have another one as long the first one would not grow up. She also considered to accept her ex back, but she told her that the only option is if she moves to his place and joins him and his new girlfriend. And all that she does is repeating cycle of going to work and cooking and tiding when she returns from work. As she would not have any life of her own and devoting herself to be in the service of others. So I see, she has quite a few similarities with my first ex girlfriend, which we lived together for 3 years. She is very introverted, humble and complaisant, and considering herself only in a role of a obedient worker, mother and a housewife. I have a hard time to picture her living with me as an agreement since she understands almost no english and she is not very fun of using computers. And since computers are my life, and I want to be with someone that would also study Desteni material and be involved in the self-realization process, I have quite a few doubts about our common future.
I see her as a personality who does not stand up for herself, giving her energy to others, not allowing herself to express, drinking the life energy from her partner and others by playing the role of the good mother and helpless victim of the hard work. She would need to transcend this points in order to be a proper agreement in my life. Even though I enjoyed myself with her sexually very much, I noticed that a consider the time of being together with a girls quite wasted. Since while we spend time together by touching, talking and watching each other, I am allowing myself not to do anything to stop the hunger, war and suffering of billions of living beings. I have been now in the process of releasing myself from energy addictions for quite some time now. In the time when I had the firs sex with that girl, I was in about 30 days since I stopped masturbating, and I had no great desires to experience sex. However I did execute sexual intercourse with her in the evening and in the morning, when she came to visit me for the first and now for second time. I did it mostly because she felt lonely, being single for six months, so I arranged her to feel nice and accepted. She reported how she remained joyful for several days after our first meeting and how everybody noticed and praised her regarding that.
So I treated this girl as one and equal, not allowing myself any thought of judgment to appear while we were together, and made sure, that she would enjoy herself while visiting me. But I did not do that from the starting point of seducing her or because of falling in love with her, but simply because I wanted to express unconditional love, and I would treat this way every girl who would come to visit me, as I have proven this many times before. I treat everyone the best I can, but if I would want to consider any girl as my agreement or long-term partner, just enjoyment of intimacy is for me not enough at all. I have learned to be alone for the past 7 years, and I enjoy being single ver much. It is very practical to have my own place, arrange it and do whatever and whenever I want in any given moment. I have my peace, silence, and unlimited potentials. And I spend most of my time in front of computer, working, researching, learning, transcending myself and doing stuff that would make the world a better place for all. So these are my primary points at this moment, and any relationship would distract me from doing this. Sex is not what drives me any longer, and as much I enjoy experiencing orgasm, I have dedicated not to be driven by the energy anymore and to stand up for life, world equality and for what is best for all.
I consider my time too precious to spend it for relationships. I do have fun of meeting new people, and I am not immune to attractive female bodies, but I direct myself not to be driven by this pictures. I am opened to meet now people, especially girls, however the main motivation for that is to spread the information about Desteni and the practical solutions for current problems in the relationships and in the current global system. I enjoy having sex, but I even consider to stop intercourse before I get to the point of orgasm and ejaculation. So I may participate in the sex long enough for my partner to experience orgasm, however I would hold myself through all that time and stop soon enough not to experience orgasm also for myself. I find very important to deprogram/de-associate females or pictures of female bodies from the addictive energies of orgasm. And this is simply because I have been watching porn for many years and started to define pictures of young female bodies with the pleasant energy of orgasm. I noticed that I get turned on very quickly and easily simply by watching some erotic movie scenes or observing attractive females, even very very young. I understand now, how practicing masturbation can from time really turn someone to become child molester or even rapist.
I stop myself to be energy addict, I de-associate pictures of female bodies in the movies, magazined and in the flesh from addictive orgasmic energy. I stop all thought and fantasies regarding women, I consider every person, regardless of the sex, as equal and one with me. I stand up as life, and focus on what is important and necessary to do at this moment, considering the current situation on this planet, to bring solutions for dignified life for every living being. I will contribute for Equal Money System to be implemented as soon as possible, to equalize global system and to free all beings from current suffering. I accept in my life only those who are willing to transcend own personality and stand up for life as well, or they may simply continue with their own life style and let me do what I consider to be best for all. This is how I decide and this is how it will be.
.
04 October 2010
2010 - Masturbation stop day 30, getting more realization, dating, earning money
It has been a few week since my last vlog and blog post, so this is to inform everybody what I have been doing in this period of time.
After I have been very active in vlogging, watching and commenting other's vlogs and Desteni open forum posts, I have received unexpected feedback from Desteni members and other people. They have exposed my starting point of vlogging and commenting not to be from oneness and equality, but from the point of judgement/anger, based on the knowledge and information. I found that to be true and I am grateful for others to expose my dishonesty. This is why I have deleted two of my vlogs that were from this perspective no valid at all.
For I while I have also stopped commenting and then continued with commenting again, but only to the extend of my personal realization. So I took advise to slow myself down and to take more time to realize what oneness and equality truly is. I have noticed that I have tendency to preach/judge and show others how much knowledge I have, so they would notice/admire/accept me. Thus I have become careful firstly to become one with other - to put myself in the place/skin/shoes of other - and make a comment as I would like to be commented/supported/directed if I would be in the position of that person.
I have been very active in watching the vlogs, blogs and forum posts in order to get more realization of how to be proper support for myself and others. I have searched for, discovered and subscribed to other most active Desteni member sites on the Blogger, WordPress and Multiply, which took quite a lot of time. So now I am continuing with reading other's past blogs, watching almost everyone's new vlogs, and sharing them to my FaceBook, Netlog and Twitter profiles. I have also updated Desteni Slovenia web site with FaceBook, YouTube and Blog links of all current Desteni members from Slovenia.
Today is exactly one month since I have stopped masturbating and watching pornographic movies. I had no great temptations and I was able to stop every sexual distraction in a breath. But when I caught the scene of some erotic movie while I was in the fitness, where they have large TV sets in front of the gym bicycles, I noticed that I got erection due to participating in the sexual thoughts, triggered by the movie scene. Then I focused on my breathing and the disappeared as fast as it appears.
For past three weeks I have had an online chats and phone talks with some girl who liked me, based on my dating site profile. Two days ago, she took over two hours drive and came to meet me for the first time in flesh at my apartment. We connected quite well and spent the night together. Her partner left her 6 months ago, after 17 years of living together, and she is now living in the house with his divorced some close relative and adorable 11 years old daughter. We'll se how this story will unfold in the future.
Regarding my income, I have been for past three weeks distributing the rest of my 15.000 flyers for my counseling services to the nearby cities. I have spent at least 6 hour on foot per day and inserted promotional material into the mailboxes, but I do not expect many customers soon. I've learned that this kind of business needs more time and advertisement to succeed. Because of focusing myself only at the counseling services for past several month, I have got myself in the deepest debt, so they also blocked my credit card for the first time in my life. This is why I decided to stop with promoting my counseling services and to restart offering my graphic and web design services. I have already got some order from some close relative, and I will start to offer my design services also to other companies in my area. I expect to get out of debt in a month or two, and I will also see, how much the participation in the Desteni Income Plan will contribute to my financial situation.
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