I have found a buyer for my new apartment after only three weeks of advertising. Some young couple has came to look at apartment past Sunday and tomorrow we are to sign a contract, so I will be out of my apartment by the end of January. I am satisfied with the price we agreed upon and in following days I will be busy with packing and moving out. Until I find a new apartment in Ljubljana, I will be staying at my fathers place for a while.
Since I will get quite a lot of money from selling the apartment, I will be able to pay all my debts and invest in new projects. I have considered to use this opportunity also to visit the Desteni farm for one month of SRA mandatory practical training. I have sent the mail to the farm, but got the answer that visit to the farm is no longer mandatory in order to complete SRA training, and the only way to visit the far from now on is to buy a holidays on the farm. I have decided to go to the farm anyway in order to get the practical experience and to meet all the people on the farm in flesh.
I have also contacted Ministry for Foreign Affairs of our Republic of Slovenia and asked what I need in order to travel to South Africa. They said that I will need a visa and that I have to contact South African Embassy in Berlin. I have wrote an email to embassy in Berlin but they replied that I need to contact the embassy in Vienna. I have forwarded the email to the address that Berlin embassy gave but the mail has been refused since the user is over quota. I have also checked the link to the web site to the embassy in Vienna and the URL had only default content of the domain host. I have reported to Berlin embassy that infos of Vienna embassy is not valid and I am expecting come valid answer.
Today I also got a visit from a girl that visited me about three weeks ago and has been calling and me and sending me SMS messages almost every day since then. She is quite "in love" or should I say obsessed with me, and we became intimate just a few moments after she came to my place. It was cool al this hugging and kissing and the body warmth, but it also disrupted my usual daily rhythm, since I am used to live alone. She just could not have enough of me, thus I had problems concentrating to the things that I planned to do for today. So I started the conversation to express my expectations and wishes in order to get done everything what I planned to do. She also came for the reason of helping me to pack and move out of the apartment, so I am glad that she came bye.
But since the girl has been all over me, I saw the need of coming to an agreement of how our relationship is going to be. In the past weeks she has become very familiar with the fact that I am walking the Desteni process of self-realization and I invited her also to start writing blog. She started to write journal three weeks ago in order to bring it for me to read and support her with effective self-forgiveness. But since she has forgotten to bring the journal, I have suggested her to write several pages while she is staying at my place so I can show her how to benefit from writing herself to freedom. Thus while I am now typing this blog post, she is busy writing her stuff manually to the notebook. Now I am going to check her writing and give her some directions and then we are going to bed, since she is very tired.
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06 January 2011
2011 - Sound Money - The gold standard is not the solution
I have watched some very interesting videos today that speak about money and current world economic crisis. Stansberry & Associates Research Institute released a very controversial presentation video that in very great detail explains how USA is slowly but surely drifting into hyperinflation. The starting point of the video is to gain subscribers for the institute reports that promise very useful and practical information about how to protect your assets and even get profit from the incoming money collapse. One of the suggestions is to buy as many gold and silver, however they talk also about something, called "The worlds most valuble asset in the time of crisis" that is far more valuable than precious metals and that also the elite is investing in this asset. They have correctly predicted already the 2008 crisis and they offer three months of no-questions-asked money-back guarantee for the yearly subscriptions that is very affordable. I have become very curious what this "Worlds most valuble asset in the time of crisis" is, but my credit card is currently blocked, so I can not check this out. Maybe some other of you guys could check and report back.
The other awesome video that I watched is titled The Rise of Sound Money. In this video some guy shortly explains how money was and is currently created and why is the current money system not healthy. This lecture is one of the rare ones that goes beyond idea of returning to the gold standard, since if everyone would start buying silver or gold, the world would very quickly run out of it, and that the bankers have already bought all the available gold, so this idea has no common sense. I have checked the YouTube channel where video has been uploaded to, and discovered the web sites Stop The Robbery, The End All Disease and World Hemp Revolution. There is also the FaceBook page StopTheRobbery - Accelerating Human Evolution and then I also searched and found out that the name of the guy is Mark David. I invited him to become my friends and he immediately confirmed. Then I sent him a message with the short description of Desteni and the links to web sites and suggested him to research and share the information. He replied that he is very glad of making this kind of connections and that he will take a look. He is currently preparing the video where he will "drop the full equation of what he believes to be the most efficient manner to change our world into an everyday paradise and that he will include a proposition directly the Rockefeller family, Rothschilds, Morgan's, and any other families who are part of the NWO plan as well." So I am looking forward for the release of the video with his proposition.
The bottom line is that I have also been considering to buy the gold and silver with the money from selling my apartment. From the economic perspective and based on predictions that the price of this two metals will skyrocket, I could make a small fortune by that. But this way I would become one of those who care only for self-interest and would also contribute to the increase of the price and shortage of the metals that are practically needed to produce electronic components. This is certainly not the solution that is best for all. Basing money on the value of gold and silver can not solve the problems of this world. If the value of things is relative to rarity, meaning that the things that are in less quantity have the highest value, and the things that are in abundance are the cheapest, this is still the system that perpetuates greed, scarcity and destroys life. We need to change our principles and create the system that would support life at all costs. Thus the life is what must be appreciated the most, the life has to have the highest value. Things have to be valued parallel to the level of how they support life. And this is what Equal Money System is all about. Thus I suggest everyone to research it and contribute the ideas of how this life-supportive system can be practically manifested within the legal and political boundaries of each of our countries.
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The other awesome video that I watched is titled The Rise of Sound Money. In this video some guy shortly explains how money was and is currently created and why is the current money system not healthy. This lecture is one of the rare ones that goes beyond idea of returning to the gold standard, since if everyone would start buying silver or gold, the world would very quickly run out of it, and that the bankers have already bought all the available gold, so this idea has no common sense. I have checked the YouTube channel where video has been uploaded to, and discovered the web sites Stop The Robbery, The End All Disease and World Hemp Revolution. There is also the FaceBook page StopTheRobbery - Accelerating Human Evolution and then I also searched and found out that the name of the guy is Mark David. I invited him to become my friends and he immediately confirmed. Then I sent him a message with the short description of Desteni and the links to web sites and suggested him to research and share the information. He replied that he is very glad of making this kind of connections and that he will take a look. He is currently preparing the video where he will "drop the full equation of what he believes to be the most efficient manner to change our world into an everyday paradise and that he will include a proposition directly the Rockefeller family, Rothschilds, Morgan's, and any other families who are part of the NWO plan as well." So I am looking forward for the release of the video with his proposition.
The bottom line is that I have also been considering to buy the gold and silver with the money from selling my apartment. From the economic perspective and based on predictions that the price of this two metals will skyrocket, I could make a small fortune by that. But this way I would become one of those who care only for self-interest and would also contribute to the increase of the price and shortage of the metals that are practically needed to produce electronic components. This is certainly not the solution that is best for all. Basing money on the value of gold and silver can not solve the problems of this world. If the value of things is relative to rarity, meaning that the things that are in less quantity have the highest value, and the things that are in abundance are the cheapest, this is still the system that perpetuates greed, scarcity and destroys life. We need to change our principles and create the system that would support life at all costs. Thus the life is what must be appreciated the most, the life has to have the highest value. Things have to be valued parallel to the level of how they support life. And this is what Equal Money System is all about. Thus I suggest everyone to research it and contribute the ideas of how this life-supportive system can be practically manifested within the legal and political boundaries of each of our countries.
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05 January 2011
2011 - My chat experience with founder of Wikileaks Slovenia
Today I have had a Skype audio chat with a guy from Slovenia who I met on FaceBook and is managing some Slovenian environmental FaceBook group. I have checked his profile and noticed that he is also involved in the Wikileaks project. So I contacted him and we talked about our backgrounds and current activities. He explained that he is preparing Wikileaks Slovenia project that would expose all the corruption that journalism and police do not want to expose due to lack of will or fear or corruption. Besides exposing the crimes, there is also plan to prosecute those crimes and punish the people who abuse other people and steal large amount of money in more or less legal ways.
I saw here the opportunity to join the forces in bringing the better world, so I wanted to introduce Desteni and the solutions to this guy. After he introduced himself it was my turn to share my background and then I asked him some questions in order to see how he understands the root cause of current world imbalance and what is his idea of fixing the situation. He explained that what is needed is to move to non-profit model of organizations and the way to manifest this model is through the introduction of proper legislation. When I asked him about how he understands the driving force of greed, he answered that this is not his line of job and that he does not care.
I noticed that he became very restless, he constantly interrupted me and started to explain what are his plans and what he needs, how he is totally broke and how sometimes works up to 20 hours per day and that many people from different fields are contacting him daily and wanting to talk to him. He became more and more upset, talking and talking, and did not want to give me the opportunity to explain what are my intentions. I tried to explain that at Desteni we share the same goals of making this world a better place, and that there is course for self-realization and Equal Money System prepared as the effective practical solutions to achieve this goals.
After I explained him that I am interested in cooperation, he said that he does not care about what other people do and that he is only willing to find out how can we help him at the Wikileaks project. He was not willing to even check the Desteni stuff for himself. When I asked him if he is interested in gaining the bigger picture about how and why this world exists the way it is, he replied that the way how general science explains this existence is sufficient for him and that he is only willing to focus on legal approach of fixing this reality. I asked him is he is aware that during our conversation he emotionally reacted and projected his past experiences and I suggested to support himself at understanding how the mind and emotions work with the tools of Desteni, but he did not want to listen.
I explained that I did not wanted to speak with him only to support his project and that my interest is cooperation and the solutions that are best for all, thus we both need to be opened, listen to each other equally and research what solutions are the best. Since he constantly interrupted me, with justification that this is simple the way his personality is, and did not want to listen to what I had to say, I told him that I am not interested in continuing this conversation, that I do not have respect for the people who only want to protect their own interest and then I said good bye.
This was another example of the people who are not really interested in equality and stopping their egos, but just positioned themselves at some activist role and blindly follow what they believe is right, just to feel good and special, which is as much elitism and self-interest as of the people that they are supposedly fighting against. The root cause of evil in this world is self, and the self needs to take the full responsibility of everything that exists, become one with all existence by applying self-forgiveness and then only is one able to change this reality to what is best for all, based not on feelings, emotions, judgements and projections, but on the principle of equality and with inner stability as all as one and equal.
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I saw here the opportunity to join the forces in bringing the better world, so I wanted to introduce Desteni and the solutions to this guy. After he introduced himself it was my turn to share my background and then I asked him some questions in order to see how he understands the root cause of current world imbalance and what is his idea of fixing the situation. He explained that what is needed is to move to non-profit model of organizations and the way to manifest this model is through the introduction of proper legislation. When I asked him about how he understands the driving force of greed, he answered that this is not his line of job and that he does not care.
I noticed that he became very restless, he constantly interrupted me and started to explain what are his plans and what he needs, how he is totally broke and how sometimes works up to 20 hours per day and that many people from different fields are contacting him daily and wanting to talk to him. He became more and more upset, talking and talking, and did not want to give me the opportunity to explain what are my intentions. I tried to explain that at Desteni we share the same goals of making this world a better place, and that there is course for self-realization and Equal Money System prepared as the effective practical solutions to achieve this goals.
After I explained him that I am interested in cooperation, he said that he does not care about what other people do and that he is only willing to find out how can we help him at the Wikileaks project. He was not willing to even check the Desteni stuff for himself. When I asked him if he is interested in gaining the bigger picture about how and why this world exists the way it is, he replied that the way how general science explains this existence is sufficient for him and that he is only willing to focus on legal approach of fixing this reality. I asked him is he is aware that during our conversation he emotionally reacted and projected his past experiences and I suggested to support himself at understanding how the mind and emotions work with the tools of Desteni, but he did not want to listen.
I explained that I did not wanted to speak with him only to support his project and that my interest is cooperation and the solutions that are best for all, thus we both need to be opened, listen to each other equally and research what solutions are the best. Since he constantly interrupted me, with justification that this is simple the way his personality is, and did not want to listen to what I had to say, I told him that I am not interested in continuing this conversation, that I do not have respect for the people who only want to protect their own interest and then I said good bye.
This was another example of the people who are not really interested in equality and stopping their egos, but just positioned themselves at some activist role and blindly follow what they believe is right, just to feel good and special, which is as much elitism and self-interest as of the people that they are supposedly fighting against. The root cause of evil in this world is self, and the self needs to take the full responsibility of everything that exists, become one with all existence by applying self-forgiveness and then only is one able to change this reality to what is best for all, based not on feelings, emotions, judgements and projections, but on the principle of equality and with inner stability as all as one and equal.
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2011 - My chat experience with founder of Wikileaks Slovenia
Today I have had a Skype audio chat with a guy from Slovenia who I met on FaceBook and is managing some Slovenian environmental FaceBook group. I have checked his profile and noticed that he is also involved in the Wikileaks project. So I contacted him and we talked about our backgrounds and current activities. He explained that he is preparing Wikileaks Slovenia project that would expose all the corruption that journalism and police do not want to expose due to lack of will or fear or corruption. Besides exposing the crimes, there is also plan to prosecute those crimes and punish the people who abuse other people and steal large amount of money in more or less legal ways.
I saw here the opportunity to join the forces in bringing the better world, so I wanted to introduce Desteni and the solutions to this guy. After he introduced himself it was my turn to share my background and then I asked him some questions in order to see how he understands the root cause of current world imbalance and what is his idea of fixing the situation. He explained that what is needed is to move to non-profit model of organizations and the way to manifest this model is through the introduction of proper legislation. When I asked him about how he understands the driving force of greed, he answered that this is not his line of job and that he does not care.
I noticed that he became very restless, he constantly interrupted me and started to explain what are his plans and what he needs, how he is totally broke and how sometimes works up to 20 hours per day and that many people from different fields are contacting him daily and wanting to talk to him. He became more and more upset, talking and talking, and did not want to give me the opportunity to explain what are my intentions. I tried to explain that at Desteni we share the same goals of making this world a better place, and that there is course for self-realization and Equal Money System prepared as the effective practical solutions to achieve this goals.
After I explained him that I am interested in cooperation, he said that he does not care about what other people do and that he is only willing to find out how can we help him at the Wikileaks project. He was not willing to even check the Desteni stuff for himself. When I asked him if he is interested in gaining the bigger picture about how and why this world exists the way it is, he replied that the way how general science explains this existence is sufficient for him and that he is only willing to focus on legal approach of fixing this reality. I asked him is he is aware that during our conversation he emotionally reacted and projected his past experiences and I suggested to support himself at understanding how the mind and emotions work with the tools of Desteni, but he did not want to listen.
I explained that I did not wanted to speak with him only to support his project and that my interest is cooperation and the solutions that are best for all, thus we both need to be opened, listen to each other equally and research what solutions are the best. Since he constantly interrupted me, with justification that this is simple the way his personality is, and did not want to listen to what I had to say, I told him that I am not interested in continuing this conversation, that I do not have respect for the people who only want to protect their own interest and then I said good bye.
This was another example of the people who are not really interested in equality and stopping their egos, but just positioned themselves at some activist role and blindly follow what they believe is right, just to feel good and special, which is as much elitism and self-interest as of the people that they are supposedly fighting against. The root cause of evil in this world is self, and the self needs to take the full responsibility of everything that exists, become one with all existence by applying self-forgiveness and then only is one able to change this reality to what is best for all, based not on feelings, emotions, judgements and projections, but on the principle of equality and with inner stability as all as one and equal.
.
I saw here the opportunity to join the forces in bringing the better world, so I wanted to introduce Desteni and the solutions to this guy. After he introduced himself it was my turn to share my background and then I asked him some questions in order to see how he understands the root cause of current world imbalance and what is his idea of fixing the situation. He explained that what is needed is to move to non-profit model of organizations and the way to manifest this model is through the introduction of proper legislation. When I asked him about how he understands the driving force of greed, he answered that this is not his line of job and that he does not care.
I noticed that he became very restless, he constantly interrupted me and started to explain what are his plans and what he needs, how he is totally broke and how sometimes works up to 20 hours per day and that many people from different fields are contacting him daily and wanting to talk to him. He became more and more upset, talking and talking, and did not want to give me the opportunity to explain what are my intentions. I tried to explain that at Desteni we share the same goals of making this world a better place, and that there is course for self-realization and Equal Money System prepared as the effective practical solutions to achieve this goals.
After I explained him that I am interested in cooperation, he said that he does not care about what other people do and that he is only willing to find out how can we help him at the Wikileaks project. He was not willing to even check the Desteni stuff for himself. When I asked him if he is interested in gaining the bigger picture about how and why this world exists the way it is, he replied that the way how general science explains this existence is sufficient for him and that he is only willing to focus on legal approach of fixing this reality. I asked him is he is aware that during our conversation he emotionally reacted and projected his past experiences and I suggested to support himself at understanding how the mind and emotions work with the tools of Desteni, but he did not want to listen.
I explained that I did not wanted to speak with him only to support his project and that my interest is cooperation and the solutions that are best for all, thus we both need to be opened, listen to each other equally and research what solutions are the best. Since he constantly interrupted me, with justification that this is simple the way his personality is, and did not want to listen to what I had to say, I told him that I am not interested in continuing this conversation, that I do not have respect for the people who only want to protect their own interest and then I said good bye.
This was another example of the people who are not really interested in equality and stopping their egos, but just positioned themselves at some activist role and blindly follow what they believe is right, just to feel good and special, which is as much elitism and self-interest as of the people that they are supposedly fighting against. The root cause of evil in this world is self, and the self needs to take the full responsibility of everything that exists, become one with all existence by applying self-forgiveness and then only is one able to change this reality to what is best for all, based not on feelings, emotions, judgements and projections, but on the principle of equality and with inner stability as all as one and equal.
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2011 - Exposing secret mind related to submissive personality
This blog post is the extra support for the point that I stopped in the moment a few moments ago and started to expose and defuse verbally. I experienced the tiny skin irritation while I was listening some Desteni video and meanwhile browsed my Record of participation spreadsheet. While my eyes flew over the line where I had a description of the TV show that I watched yesterday, the line of secret mind events happened.
Yesterday I started to note also all of non-Destonian videos and texts that I process, in order for others to be more informed about all the aspects of my Desteni related participation during the day. One of the videos that I watched yesterday was our weekly national television political report called "Globus". I record three pieces of information when I log every blog post or video that I watch, namely the author/source/channel name, the video/post title and the URL. While copy/pasting the name of the TV show to my spreadsheet, I have put myself in the shoes of the person who might watched the show and understood it as not being informative enough in order for the person to gain perspective what the show is about and if it is related to Desteni process. Thus I have added to the name of the show "Globus" also the description in the brackets "(National TV weekly international political news report)".
Now when my eyes caught this description line, there was a reaction. I immediately stopped with listening the Desteni video and decided without mercy to track back "the devil". The first thought behind the emotional reaction that I brought here was that others might interpret my detailed description of TV show as self-praise, thus they will judge me and not accept me. When I went step further in order to expose why would I want to be afraid of this, I found out the desire to be accepted by others. I wanted to prove to others that I am worth of acceptance since I have become such an exemplary Destonian, giving all the best to follow the guidelines of Desteni administration, so I also research the political system by watching the political shows. But the origin of this desire is the fear that I will not be accepted by the Desteni group, that is based on Definition that Desteni group as something more, that is based on my self-accepted believe.
The basic reason for all this is in lack of self-trust due to accepted and allowed personality patterns that I accepted in the past years of my life. Since my father is a choleric dictator, I learned that the best way of me getting what I want (money, things that I desired), and to avoid what I do not want (emotional and physical violence from my father), was to suppress myself, to be quiet and to do what my father wanted me to do. And the same relationship exist even today between me and my father. I still visit him and work for him a few times per week and he still expects me to read his mind and to do exactly what he wants and exactly the way he imagines, without using many words to describe what he wants. Thus this personality pattern is also evident while participating at Desteni. I try not to comment much, not to express myself fully, since I do not want any reactions from others.
But all the fear of being judged from others is based in lack of self-trust. I allowed myself to compromise and abuse myself for many years, allowing personal opinions of others to become the sacred truth and thus learned not to stand up for what I perceived is right/best for all. I have allowed injustice/imbalance/inequality in order to survive in this system where the winner takes it all, where the one that is more powerful destroys all those that are week, if they do not become the slaves of the powerful. Thus I need to align my starting point of creating the Record of participation from wanting to prove to others that I am worth of acceptance and to protecting my current personality/ego, into practical recording in order to equally share the information and support others in the process of exposing what we have become as the systems.
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Yesterday I started to note also all of non-Destonian videos and texts that I process, in order for others to be more informed about all the aspects of my Desteni related participation during the day. One of the videos that I watched yesterday was our weekly national television political report called "Globus". I record three pieces of information when I log every blog post or video that I watch, namely the author/source/channel name, the video/post title and the URL. While copy/pasting the name of the TV show to my spreadsheet, I have put myself in the shoes of the person who might watched the show and understood it as not being informative enough in order for the person to gain perspective what the show is about and if it is related to Desteni process. Thus I have added to the name of the show "Globus" also the description in the brackets "(National TV weekly international political news report)".
Now when my eyes caught this description line, there was a reaction. I immediately stopped with listening the Desteni video and decided without mercy to track back "the devil". The first thought behind the emotional reaction that I brought here was that others might interpret my detailed description of TV show as self-praise, thus they will judge me and not accept me. When I went step further in order to expose why would I want to be afraid of this, I found out the desire to be accepted by others. I wanted to prove to others that I am worth of acceptance since I have become such an exemplary Destonian, giving all the best to follow the guidelines of Desteni administration, so I also research the political system by watching the political shows. But the origin of this desire is the fear that I will not be accepted by the Desteni group, that is based on Definition that Desteni group as something more, that is based on my self-accepted believe.
The basic reason for all this is in lack of self-trust due to accepted and allowed personality patterns that I accepted in the past years of my life. Since my father is a choleric dictator, I learned that the best way of me getting what I want (money, things that I desired), and to avoid what I do not want (emotional and physical violence from my father), was to suppress myself, to be quiet and to do what my father wanted me to do. And the same relationship exist even today between me and my father. I still visit him and work for him a few times per week and he still expects me to read his mind and to do exactly what he wants and exactly the way he imagines, without using many words to describe what he wants. Thus this personality pattern is also evident while participating at Desteni. I try not to comment much, not to express myself fully, since I do not want any reactions from others.
But all the fear of being judged from others is based in lack of self-trust. I allowed myself to compromise and abuse myself for many years, allowing personal opinions of others to become the sacred truth and thus learned not to stand up for what I perceived is right/best for all. I have allowed injustice/imbalance/inequality in order to survive in this system where the winner takes it all, where the one that is more powerful destroys all those that are week, if they do not become the slaves of the powerful. Thus I need to align my starting point of creating the Record of participation from wanting to prove to others that I am worth of acceptance and to protecting my current personality/ego, into practical recording in order to equally share the information and support others in the process of exposing what we have become as the systems.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and compromise myself by allowing force and energy of others to direct my life and to become a slave, instead of unconditionally directing myself in alignment with all life as one and equal.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on support of others, developing the need to hear opinions of others and to seek approval of my actions, instead of relying on myself in total honesty, trusting myself unconditionally and do what is best for all.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the level of my self-expression, fearing what others might think of me, instead of realizing that if I act in total self-trust, it is not important what others think, since when I am one with all life and support all life, the emotional reactions of others are based on their ego/mind/systems that are not life and are thus agains life and are not worth of being regarded.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as insignificant being who has no power in this word, that I need to be born in certain blood line or rich family with influential connections, instead of realizing that when I stand as equal and one with all life, there is no system/energy/force that is more powerful than me, since I support all the existence and all the existence supports me back equally.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for the systems to rule this word and to destroy the life, taking the feelings and emotions as the energetic reward for becoming the obedient slave/battery/engine of the systems, instead of realizing that the systems do not consider life as one and equal, they only protect their self-interest, wanting more and more energy and thus bringing creation out of balance, thus they need to be removed/aligned with the principle of equality in order for balance/heaven on earth to be restored.
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04 January 2011
2011 - No more mercy in regards to my mind-fucks!
I decided to do more blogs in order to defuse as many subconscious reactive mind patterns, since I have noticed that my mind produces a lot of thoughts that I have been unable to stop by focusing on breathing. I remember to be more successful a few months ago, but now it is like I have accepted thinking as something normal. Due to occasional vertigo and dreams with great hight and and deep water, I have understood it like I have been pushing myself over capacity, trying to compare myself to others who are doing more blogs and vlogs and participate on the forums and making comments much more extensively. I also do not push myself with sleeping less anymore and will focus on that point later, after I feel that I am prepared to go step further. Regardless of how I want to progress much faster, I can not go over capacity of my physical.
I have done almost one blog per day, sometimes also two blogs per day in this holiday time, when I had not much other work to do. However whenever I do my blog, it takes around one hour to finish. First to write it, then check for spelling a few times, and finally share it on several different locations. I have concluded that writing blogs is the only effective way to defuse my mind patterns, since it is the tool where I am able to slow myself down successfully and expose all the points of my secret mind. In regards to this, writing is surely unparalleled tool, however I can only defuse small amount of point within one blog post.
I have noticed, how during the day, hundreds of small emotional reactions are triggered. For each reaction I feel a tiny itch, like a sting of a needle on the skin around my genitals. This reactions are so small and fast that I disregard them and continue with what I do at that moment. I consider them as something very tiny, too small to be worth of paying attention to. But there are numerous reactions like this during the day that compound more and more. Especially when I am exposed to some disturbing event, like watching some report of movie about how fucked up this current reality is, my skin around genitals becomes very itch and I feel the unbearable urge to scratch the skin. After I do the blogs, the condition normalizes, but if I do not blog for a few days, the condition gets worse.
Now I have been considering what to do to deal with this reactions more effectively. I wanted to write a blog post for every single small reaction, but then I would write all my day long, which is not doable, since other things also need my attention. Thus I will also do self-forgiveness verbally. Whenever I will feel the sting-like sensation, I will stop doing whatever I do and ask myself what thought are behind this reaction and I will speak self-forgiveness out loud. If I will not be able to see the secret thoughts, I will immediately start writing in order to bring my thoughts here with the more effective tool and then defuse the patterns.
NO MORE MERCY!
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I have done almost one blog per day, sometimes also two blogs per day in this holiday time, when I had not much other work to do. However whenever I do my blog, it takes around one hour to finish. First to write it, then check for spelling a few times, and finally share it on several different locations. I have concluded that writing blogs is the only effective way to defuse my mind patterns, since it is the tool where I am able to slow myself down successfully and expose all the points of my secret mind. In regards to this, writing is surely unparalleled tool, however I can only defuse small amount of point within one blog post.
I have noticed, how during the day, hundreds of small emotional reactions are triggered. For each reaction I feel a tiny itch, like a sting of a needle on the skin around my genitals. This reactions are so small and fast that I disregard them and continue with what I do at that moment. I consider them as something very tiny, too small to be worth of paying attention to. But there are numerous reactions like this during the day that compound more and more. Especially when I am exposed to some disturbing event, like watching some report of movie about how fucked up this current reality is, my skin around genitals becomes very itch and I feel the unbearable urge to scratch the skin. After I do the blogs, the condition normalizes, but if I do not blog for a few days, the condition gets worse.
Now I have been considering what to do to deal with this reactions more effectively. I wanted to write a blog post for every single small reaction, but then I would write all my day long, which is not doable, since other things also need my attention. Thus I will also do self-forgiveness verbally. Whenever I will feel the sting-like sensation, I will stop doing whatever I do and ask myself what thought are behind this reaction and I will speak self-forgiveness out loud. If I will not be able to see the secret thoughts, I will immediately start writing in order to bring my thoughts here with the more effective tool and then defuse the patterns.
NO MORE MERCY!
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01 January 2011
2011 - About one man who impressed me a lot in past several years
There is one man who I also dreamed about yesterday and who impressed me a lot with his approach, but who is also running away from open contact with me lately. This man has a certain qualities that I admire a lot, however he has also made some actions that I am not a great fun of.
This man is in his fifties, has a house near our city swimming pool with large and robust forged iron fence around, a large slimy dog and about thirty years old son. He has been a manager of our local swimming club, who is the most successful in our country and the selector of our national swimming team. He has also competed in swimming when he was young and his son is also involved in swimming as a teacher. He moved to our region from other part of our country, which is know by its vineyards and a lot more calm people than here, where we all rush, compete and envy to each others.
We started to cooperate in business manner about five years ago and I have become official graphic designer and photographer for the local swimming club and I also shot events and made a lot of designs for the national swimming team and international swimming events, organized by the National Swimming Association of Slovenia. He is a great manager and organizer, he trusted me and gave me a full freedom to express myself as graphic designer and photographer, and there was never the problem regarding money. All my invoices have been payed in time and by the sum of money made, he was one of, if not the largest of my customers. He was very skilled at raising money from different sponsors that I also included and promoted in my design works for the club.
But a few years ago he stopped the orders. This was also the time when I decided to slowly redirect my services to psychological services. I found out that he started to order designs at some of the design student who was also the active member of the swimming club. I found out that this decision was made in order for the club to save money, since her designs were more cheaper, but also lesser quality. However the quality of her work was good enough for the club, and the club also wanted to support her since she was an active member of the club. I was disappointed about stopping working for the club, also since I was not directly explained about that decision, they have cut me off like I became useless for them.
This guy, the manager of the club at that time, decided to run for the mayor office and also became the mayor of our city a few months ago. He really does know how to impress people, how to please them, is good at handling money, making connections and providing the progress. He never deletes anyone from his phone address book and is able to direct attention effectively in order to reach the goals. His campaign was great, he made himself available for anyone in person, had a nice web site and published special editions of the newspaper, to present his program and himself as a reliable and capable person. But there are also some points that he did not excel at the way I expected.
The first point was his cold attitude of cutting me off the swimming club without giving a try to even speak to me one word about it. Then while he was at the pre-elections stand, we talked and he complained how his eyesight is getting worse. I explained him that this is due some mind patterns that he holds to and that prevents him to see the full picture. I suggested him that he invites me to his place, so I can introduce him the Desteni solutions of self-realization and also the political solutions that are very important to understand if he really wants to support all the people as one and equal while playing the role of a mayor. He gave me his word that he will invite me even before elections, but he did not fulfill his promise. I then sent him an email and have also visited the office of the mayor after he was elected, but he did not invite me for a meeting yet.
So this man has been at some points a role model for me, since he was a very successful at his job, was able to raise money, payed all the bills in time and appreciated the work I did. However he is very goal-oriented, supported competition and elitism, and was not able to be really intimately and opened share himself with others. His communication was very narrow oriented, only to have the effect in fulfilling his self-interest. Of course he also provided for others, but only for those, who he saw as a part of his equation to assist him at reaching his goals. I am sure he will also be successful at his function as a mayor, but his narrow view and limited understanding of himself and the world will prevent him from taking care of all the living being equally, so he will be facing many difficulties and will unconsciously do a lot of harm to others if he does not decide to become totally self-honest and start to see the bigger picture.
In my dreams he came to me, very high spirited, ordered my photography services and telling me that my photos will be awesome fantastic, that people will be amazed when they will see them and that we will perform a fantastic show for the people. He came with great enthusiasm and trust, believed in me and my professional abilities, knew how to raise my spirit, how to inspire me and present me a picture of delightful future, so I could feel very good and was looking forward to engage and produce excellent photos. But regardless of his positive attitude, I knew deep inside that there is something wrong, that I am not able to communicate with him as one and equal, since whenever I started some conversation that was outside his field of interest, he would not be able to pay attention to what I was saying, looking around and trying to escape away from me.
Thus I have recognized that his as a faker, who does not really give a damn about what is best for all. I have imagined how I would be able to support him to perform his political function with consideration of the needs of every single living being on this planet, but he decided not to listen to me. He proved that he can not be trusted and that there is no point of loosing any more time by trying to arrange a meeting with him. This is why I have decided to enter the politics also myself, since it is hard to find someone who is completely self-hones and is willing to listen. Many have large ego issues and are failing to make the necessary change that would stop this system of abuse in this world. Slowly but surely, I will do my best to be the one that can be trusted completely and to work for the benefit of all life equally.
This man is in his fifties, has a house near our city swimming pool with large and robust forged iron fence around, a large slimy dog and about thirty years old son. He has been a manager of our local swimming club, who is the most successful in our country and the selector of our national swimming team. He has also competed in swimming when he was young and his son is also involved in swimming as a teacher. He moved to our region from other part of our country, which is know by its vineyards and a lot more calm people than here, where we all rush, compete and envy to each others.
We started to cooperate in business manner about five years ago and I have become official graphic designer and photographer for the local swimming club and I also shot events and made a lot of designs for the national swimming team and international swimming events, organized by the National Swimming Association of Slovenia. He is a great manager and organizer, he trusted me and gave me a full freedom to express myself as graphic designer and photographer, and there was never the problem regarding money. All my invoices have been payed in time and by the sum of money made, he was one of, if not the largest of my customers. He was very skilled at raising money from different sponsors that I also included and promoted in my design works for the club.
But a few years ago he stopped the orders. This was also the time when I decided to slowly redirect my services to psychological services. I found out that he started to order designs at some of the design student who was also the active member of the swimming club. I found out that this decision was made in order for the club to save money, since her designs were more cheaper, but also lesser quality. However the quality of her work was good enough for the club, and the club also wanted to support her since she was an active member of the club. I was disappointed about stopping working for the club, also since I was not directly explained about that decision, they have cut me off like I became useless for them.
This guy, the manager of the club at that time, decided to run for the mayor office and also became the mayor of our city a few months ago. He really does know how to impress people, how to please them, is good at handling money, making connections and providing the progress. He never deletes anyone from his phone address book and is able to direct attention effectively in order to reach the goals. His campaign was great, he made himself available for anyone in person, had a nice web site and published special editions of the newspaper, to present his program and himself as a reliable and capable person. But there are also some points that he did not excel at the way I expected.
The first point was his cold attitude of cutting me off the swimming club without giving a try to even speak to me one word about it. Then while he was at the pre-elections stand, we talked and he complained how his eyesight is getting worse. I explained him that this is due some mind patterns that he holds to and that prevents him to see the full picture. I suggested him that he invites me to his place, so I can introduce him the Desteni solutions of self-realization and also the political solutions that are very important to understand if he really wants to support all the people as one and equal while playing the role of a mayor. He gave me his word that he will invite me even before elections, but he did not fulfill his promise. I then sent him an email and have also visited the office of the mayor after he was elected, but he did not invite me for a meeting yet.
So this man has been at some points a role model for me, since he was a very successful at his job, was able to raise money, payed all the bills in time and appreciated the work I did. However he is very goal-oriented, supported competition and elitism, and was not able to be really intimately and opened share himself with others. His communication was very narrow oriented, only to have the effect in fulfilling his self-interest. Of course he also provided for others, but only for those, who he saw as a part of his equation to assist him at reaching his goals. I am sure he will also be successful at his function as a mayor, but his narrow view and limited understanding of himself and the world will prevent him from taking care of all the living being equally, so he will be facing many difficulties and will unconsciously do a lot of harm to others if he does not decide to become totally self-honest and start to see the bigger picture.
In my dreams he came to me, very high spirited, ordered my photography services and telling me that my photos will be awesome fantastic, that people will be amazed when they will see them and that we will perform a fantastic show for the people. He came with great enthusiasm and trust, believed in me and my professional abilities, knew how to raise my spirit, how to inspire me and present me a picture of delightful future, so I could feel very good and was looking forward to engage and produce excellent photos. But regardless of his positive attitude, I knew deep inside that there is something wrong, that I am not able to communicate with him as one and equal, since whenever I started some conversation that was outside his field of interest, he would not be able to pay attention to what I was saying, looking around and trying to escape away from me.
Thus I have recognized that his as a faker, who does not really give a damn about what is best for all. I have imagined how I would be able to support him to perform his political function with consideration of the needs of every single living being on this planet, but he decided not to listen to me. He proved that he can not be trusted and that there is no point of loosing any more time by trying to arrange a meeting with him. This is why I have decided to enter the politics also myself, since it is hard to find someone who is completely self-hones and is willing to listen. Many have large ego issues and are failing to make the necessary change that would stop this system of abuse in this world. Slowly but surely, I will do my best to be the one that can be trusted completely and to work for the benefit of all life equally.
- I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be fooled by nice word of others, feeling good when they would praise me and my work, instead of realizing that those people are masters of emotional manipulation and that their starting point is only self-interest.
- I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that becoming rich is the goal that I also need to achieve and that money is the result of being committed and obliging person, instead of realizing that money in this system is the result of deceiving and exploiting others, and that what matters in self-honesty at all times, since we are all inter-connected, a part of one reality and in the long run, all can be provided only if we cooperate and share all the resources equally.
- I forgive myself that I have allowed myself the feeling of resentment after I lost my swimming club business, since I also changed my suppliers many times without explaining them why. What I must do is let go of all my past, any single attachment to my work, remain here in breath and maintain awareness that the change is the only constant in this reality and that I need to accept it the way it is, without any expectations of how reality must be.
- I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to admire any person, defining it as something more than myself and producing the feeling of adoration, instead of realizing that I am equal to any person, that I can also achieve any goal if I want to, and that what it counts is not what goals anyone achieves, but what is the person as the living being, how it is aligned with the principle of equality and how it supports all life as one and equal.
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