2011 - 2010 with Shaman, Kiesha Crowthe - Lecture video review

I have watched a YouTube video recording of a speech that Shaman Kiesha Crowthe, also known as Little Grandmother, had at Santa Fe Soul in the USA in the beginning of year 2010. The video has been sliced in ten clips, and the links to the video have been published on the wall of Slovenian FaceBook group called "Tribe of Many Colors" which has been created and is moderated by the wife of my friend who we have practiced Taijiquan for many years together.

I like the way of how Native Americans lived, in harmony with nature, and in past ten years of intense research of new age scene, I have also attended several Indian camps and met some Native Americans. There is one woman about 30 years of age, that is having lectures all over the world, and is presenting herself as "the blondest, youngest, whitest wisdom keeper" with Native American roots. And this woman, Kiesha Crowthe, came also to Slovenia and held a lecture just a few kilometers away from my home. I have noticed the invitation to her lecture nearby, but decided to not come and listen her alive, since I have watched some of her YouTube videos and concluded that she is not worth of paying attention to, and I will explain now why, within this review of her lecture in USA.

In her speech, Keisha is inviting us to "remember who we are", and then she claims that "we are god, goddess, creator, the great I am, the strongest of the strong, the love and light and everything that is possible". She explains that something separated us, so we started to "live in our head" instead of "living in our hearths". We are to "stop limiting ourselves, create our word, dream our dreams and stop waiting." Her solution of how to manifest this is to "switch from the head consciousness to hearth consciousness", since "if enouth of us get together and join this hearth consciousness, it will flip".

Then, very hilariously, in spite of she being "the wisdom keeper" and is preaching "to remember who we are", had to picks some paper notes, since she does not remember them. She then explains how the "spiral symbol" has been the symbol, used in drawings of native people all over the world, how there have been many manifestations of spirals with blue light in the sky, and that the light beings, together with their families, that love us so much, are returning to earth. Then she shows the slides of some very old buildings, like pyramids on earth and on the moon, that are suppose to hold the knowledge and "the box with ancient laws for humanity".

She continues with mentioning of Nikola Tesla and Isaac Newton who have discovered how to change the weather and what time and space is, and that we are to follow the new sciences that will improve our health and produce enough energy for entire planet. She predicted the fall of powerful companies and governments, including USA, who is to loose power, and that this will actually be a blessing, since other parts of the world will then own America. Small communities will grow food, the hearth will rule. Money, government and religion will fall and this is suppose to happen without any riots, violence or war, probably by the end of year 2010.

Then she empowers the attendees by telling them "You are right just the way you are", and "If you are hearing something negative, just change the channel" and thus you will automatically change the world. We are to "Stop giving our energy to world problems" and to say each day that "everything is good and beautiful". There will be no savior, no one will save us, and the solution will come simply by following this eight steps:

Step#1: There is a higher knowing than ourselves.
Step#2: History is not the evolution of technology and production. It is the evolution of thought.
Step#3: All things are alive with energy. This energy keeps us alive.
Step#4: Energy exchange with plants.
Step#5: Step fighting to be heard or be in charge. We do not feed off their opinions of ouselves. We fill ourselves with earth energy, breathing it in and giving out energy back to mother earth.
Step#6: What do you stand for? Who do you want to be? Why are you here?
Step#7: Ways of knowing.
Step#8: Do not become addicted to other human beings. This will stop your growth!

So we are to stop taking energy from other people, since all energy necessary is outside. The highest energy is on the top of the mountains and you can fill yourself with life energy from outside. You should pay attention to your dreams, daydreams, and your higher self. If you ask the right questions, the right answers will come.

Now, this woman definitely is adorable and we all admire the native people since they lived in harmony with nature, but let us look at the practicality and common sense of the message that this Little Grandmother is bringing to the world:

While she concluded that "something separated us", that "we are the creators", as the solution to current world problems, she is only telling us to "remember who we are" and to "switch to the hearth consciousness" since when enough people will join, it will miraculously "flip". When you see or hear something negative, you should just "switch the channel". No one will save us, but there are some "light beings" with their families coming anyway, and there is already "technology" that will care for our energy needs and some "knowledge" that will tell us how to live our lives.

The bottom line is, that if you practically apply the principles that she is preaching about, you will be able to "remember who you are" simply by "trying to remember", and that you do not need to do anything to change this world, since it will automatically magically change simply by "ignoring the negative" and "focusing on the positive".

Well, I have been trying to remember, and I still do not "remember who I am". I have been projecting the love and light and focused only on the positive for many years, but the world did not change, it even got worst. So what she is saying does not bring any results and is thus illusion. What she is promoting is ignorance and she is not giving any practically effective tools to change this reality. In year 2010 nothing changed and there have been many riots and wars, and it will compound and increase even more. There is the knowledge and technology but the countries, corporations and the banking system are still powerful and it will not loose the power by itself if we do nothing about it and just "ignoring the negative" and wait for the "spirals in the sky" and some invisible "light beings".

Thus I invite everyone to research Desteni that has the common sensical explanation of how we have created this world, what exactly is what separated us, and specific and effective tools of how we can take responsibility of our creation and change it in the way that it will support all living beings equally. You are invited to join the "Desteni I Process" where you will find out how the mind-consciousness system operates, that produces thought and how if you follow those thoughts, you start to judge the reality and separate it to good/bad, beautiful/ugly, positive/negative and thus produce the energy that you call feelings and emotions. You will find out how to effectively "remember" who you are and becoming aware of your subconscious and unconscious mind by making mind constructs, and how to release all "the negative", by self-forgiving all the accepted and allowed beliefs and definitions that separate us. By applying self-corrective statements, you will align yourself with the principles of oneness and equality and thus support end practically "love" everyone as thyself. There is also an option to participate as the buddy within the "Desteni I Process" and thus earn you income.

The breathing is definitely the effective tool to ground yourself in this physical body, but it should not be used as collector for the "live energy" high up "in the mountains",  but as as the anchor to stay fully present of what is here in this moment, by being aware of your breath constantly wherever you are. You should not seek attention and praise from other people and do things just to be awarded by others and for your personal gain, but "to do what is best for all", or "to do onto another, what you would like others to do onto you", which is practical manifestation of unconditional love.

When you become aware of how we create this reality, and how each one of us is still holding this creation the way it is by our daily participation in the same mind patterns, you understand that it will take significant time in order to change this world. Everyone will have to be re-educated and aligned with the principles of equality and to become born as life from the physical. And since money is currently god and has the power to do anything, we also need to change this "god" that will equally provide for all. Thus Desteni has suggested the Equal Money System that will replace current money system and will take care for basic need of every single living being on this planet. The Equal Money System will be introduced peacefully in democratic political way, and people will vote for it in regards to simple mathematical equation 1 + 1 = 2. This is why I invite everyone that is serious about actively changing this world, to research Desteni and Equal Money System and support yourself and others by participating in the Desteni I Process that will effectively reprogram our reality and redesign it into practical livable heaven on earth.
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2011 - Alcohol and celebrations, ex-apartment prepared for takeover

The Sunday celebration of my father's 60th birthday went well. The first point that I would like to bring up is, that father awaited guest outside on a terrace with a glass of whisky. So when some guests would come, he poured them a glass, even if they said that they do not want it. This shows, how the consumptions of the alcohol became deeply rooted custom to express welcome and how some are so possessed with that idea, that they do not want to consider what other want and what is best for all, but enforce the drink onto others without using common sense. Then when all the guests sat down behind the table, my father started to pouring wine, which is again the alcoholic drink, without considering any objections. Usually when someone is the host, it acts based on subconscious patterns of the idea what fun is and what it takes for celebration to be successful, copied from others and media, and the guest endure this subtle violence. They do not stand up and refuse what is not suitable for their physical bodies since they are scared to resent to the host or hurt his feeling. And our daily lives are filled with these kind of subtle violence. So I suggest everyone to stop this and stand up for themselves and for what is best for all unconditionally, remove all the fears and understand that if somebodies feelings get hurt it is his responsibility to forgive himself the allowed and accepted believes and definitions that produce friction between his mind and reality and result in energy that we call emotions and feelings. No more emotional projection and manipulation is to be allowed if we want to sort this world out and bring heaven on earth. The harmony can only exist if everyone takes full responsibility for every single thought, feeling and emotion that is accepted in the mind.

It was the third day of fasting when I also joined the family dinner in order to celebrate my father's birthday. He also filled my glass with wine and he knew that I do not drink alcohol. But even I did not said anything to stop this. I did not drink the whisky and accepted the wine as the drink with low alcohol percentage. I wanted to experience, how this drink would influence my body after few days of fasting. Soon after I took a few sips, I experienced a great pain in the upper back region of my mouth's top. It was very strange, since I did not felt anything like that before if I had some alcohol drink. But slowly the pain dissipated, so I was ok to enjoy the rest of the dinner.

My father's new partner/stepmother was very diligent in cooking all the dishes. She prepared two types of meat, baked and fried stakes, two types of potato and two sorts of salad. I liked fried Vienna stakes, baked mashed potato and green salad the most. Since I have been only drinking water and tea for the last few days, I was wondering how eating this much of food will influence my digestion. I read that is is suggested to slowly introduce firstly juices, than fruits and finally hard food, after fasting for several days. But one is theory and other is practice, so I allowed my body do be the judge of what and how much to eat. I had four small size fried stakes and a lot of potato and some salad and then also the cake and a banana on top, and did not experience any problems while digesting all this. An hour or so, I started to feel a very warm an pleasant sensation in my belly, and I was glad that everything went ok.

From the dinner up to today my head has been stable and clear. I have been cleaning my ex-apartment every day for several hours since today afternoon is the takeover of the apartment. I wanted apartment to be in top condition when the new owners would move in. My father grumbled and asked me why am I giving myself so much trouble with cleaning, and I said that I am simply living the principle of doing on to others what you would like from other to do onto you. I also surprised myself by how hard-working have I been in cleaning all the details of the apartment so it looks almost like new now. I guess I also enjoyed very much the physical activity while cleaning, and that also assisted me in getting my head more stable. Using computer brings me too quickly in some kind of mental state where I use eyes and brains extensively while other parts of my body have to be totally still. So using computer is not very balanced activity for myself. And I also quickly get into state of unconscious judgement or envy, which then resonantly trigger the reaction of vertigo and dizziness. Thus I need to organize my life is such way that a lot of physical activities will also be part of my daily routine.
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2011 - Another strong but short collapse, moved furniture to basement

Yesterday I spent the first night at my father's apartment. The bed was very soft, so I did not sleep very comfortably since I am used to much harder bed. When I woke up, I stayed in the bed, picked my MacBook and started to watch vlogs and to answer emails and FaceBook massages. I spent this way for about two hours without moving much, when I started to feel a bit dizzy. I lifted myself up, got dressed and made a cup of large tea in the kitchen. But the dizziness did not go away, but it only compounded, so I lied down to bed with hopes that it will go away. But the vertigo became stronger and stronger. I felt hopeless, since I was only able to breathe and nothing else, and a many thoughts flew through my mind that I was unable to stop. So I indulged the sensation with expectation that the body will soon sort itself out as usual. I started to feel sick in the stomach and the body temperature started rising. I perceived this fever to be a body natural defense mechanism in order to burn all the toxins. I was under influence of the lecture of Italian doctor who explained that it is the fungus who starts to spread in the body and is the cause of tumors. So I imagined that the heat is frying this fungus or some viral system that have spread in my head and took me over. Then the sickness in the stomach became so strong, that I went to bathroom and emptied my stomach by vomiting. I perceived like the body accumulated all the toxins and malicious systems in the stomach and now it was turn to remove it out of the body. After vomiting the fluid, since it was the third day of fasting, and I have been drinking nothing but water and tea, I returned to the bed and continued to rest. Slowly the temperature started to fall and the vertigo disappears.

In the afternoon I worked on my desktop PC in order to fix some tax errors that I made. I was to return some amount of money to several companies that payed my bills, since it was theirs duty to pay the income tax in my behalf. It took me about three hours to execute all the online bank transactions and to prepare mail for the clients. It was about 6pm when I took the mail to the post office and then I went to my ex-apartment in order to continue with emptying the rooms. So far I was able to empty all the furniture and now I needed to dismantle the furniture and store it temporary in the basement until I move to Ljubljana after I return from Africa. Slowly I dismantled the bedroom, the sofa and office table, and then I carried it, together with bamboo furniture from the counseling office, that did not need any dismantling, into basement. When I would empty one room, I would deep-clean the carpet with the Vorwerk vacuum cleaner and the cleaning powder so the new owners would move into perfectly tidy apartment. While moving the furniture I learned that if I use all my strength to push something, I would immediately get dizzy, so I became very careful not to exaggerate. Occasionally I took a glass of water, and I noticed that in spite of long work, my head became more and more clear. It was exactly midnight when I finished transporting all the furniture to basement and deep-cleaned the largest room and the bedroom. Now I only need to came once again in order to deep-clean the living room and to wash the kitchen and all the windows.

When I returned to my father's apartment, I changed the mattress with the harder one that I brought from my ex-apartment. I slept very well and inspire of 6 hours recent hard physical work, I woke up at 4am, so only after 4 hours of sleep, which surprised me very much. My head was very clear, so I picked up the notebook and checked up messages and played the new Desteni videos. I noticed that the new http://www.demonology.co.za web site and the http://www.youtube.com/demonsdaily YouTube channel has been launched that will provide proper support regarding demons and demon possessions, which I find very cool.

I then watched national TV daily news recording and there were two major points. One indicated large riots in the Egypt and it seems that the people all over the world are getting tired of suppression and slavery. There were also some cleanups in our country, since the news reported of some judge that took bribery and they managed to collect sufficient evidence in order to convict him. There is a lot of corruption in our country, but if someone makes any report, it is mainly disregarded, since the elite stick together and support each other. Thus some major removal of all the current public employees will be needed in order to stop driving our country towards bankruptcy.

After four hours of working with computer in the bed, at 7am I decided to continue resting. I rested for about two hours and started at 9am started writing this blog. I still have very clear and stable head and I wish this state to continue. In spite of sweating a lot these days, I did not take a shower or had a shave for four days. Usually I feel very uncomfortable after I sweat, and pimples quickly appear due to greasy clogged skin. But now my skin was clear, no pimples and I did not smell bad at all. However I am going to shave and take a shower right after I finish this blog post, since at noon, we are having dinner to celebrate my father's 60th birthday. He told me, that the dinner will be on Sunday, but yesterday evening he told me, that he made a mistake and that the dinner will take place today, on Saturday. I am looking forward to meet close relatives, I already met my brother and his family two days ago, but today also the half-sister and her partner will come, which I did not see for more than a year. I expect that everyone will have a lot of questions about my plans regarding moving to different location and traveling to Desteni farm, so it could be very interesting.
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2011 - Finally moved out to my father's place, who became 60 years old

Today I finally moved out of my apartment since the phone company disconnected the internet and this will be the first night that I will spent in the top apartment at my father's house. I also received the confirmation letter that my bank debts were payed, so I managed to open personal and business accounts and apply for the credit card at the new bank. I also settled yearly car obligations by paying the road tax, car insurance and the highway fee.

Yesterday I decided to start fasting, since small occasional vertigos started to bother me more and more frequently. I wanted to give my body a break in order to rest and clean itself from the toxins. So for the last two days I have been only drinking water and tea and I can say that it supports me a lot at keeping my head clear and stable. I plan to continue to fast for two more days, and I will stop on Saturday since my father has invited me for family dinner in order to celebrate his 60th birthday.

But since exact birthday anniversary of my father is today, my brother with his wife and two daughters came to visit my father while I was came down to the living room. My brother gave him the iPhone4 for the present and then all three of us men went down to the workshop and spent more than three hours synchronizing the information and updating software, also on his iPad. Then my father gave his iPhone3 to brother's oldest daughter and his other multimedia phone to the younger daughter. The oldest daughter became so excited that she started to cry extensively out of joy and happiness.

There is also a big furry gray cat here at father's place that came to his house a few months ago. It had one leg injured and we do not know exactly what was it's story. It is quite frightened and does not like to be stroked for a long time, nor does it allow to be lifted or held. Its fur is very thick and when stoking it, the static electricity starts to build up and sparks manifest between the fingers and its fur. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why does it not like to be caressed, since sparks feel like a sting of the needle. My father also does not allow it to enter the house, so it had to be outside, even in the winter. But I like the cat to come inside, so it came to my apartment, I gave it something to eat end drink and then we both rested on the bedroom.

I did not notice any significant emotional reaction today within myself, so I am very satisfied with how I handled interactions with numerous people, live and on the internet. I was able to be here present and breathe effectively. Let us see, how this trend continues.
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2011 - Our country Slovenia soon facing bankruptcy

I have been watching a video recording of a lecture titled "Financial distress of Slovenia", where Zoran Dernovšek, independent financial counselor, who also studied international finances, presented disturbing financial information regarding our country. He showed the trend of our Slovenia country rapidly going into large debts in order to provide enough money to pay off all public servants and provide for retired citizens. This trend started months ago, when government started to bail out two of our largest banks. If one is to include all hidden taxes, we are the world record holder as the highest taxed nation, with total of 70-80% tax rate. Thus he predicts total bankruptcy of our country in just 6-8 months!

So far I have been concerned only for USA, since I have followed reports from Russia Today TV show and Lyndon LaRouche financial predictions, but I have never imagined that our country would also suffer total financial collapse. Zoran explained that the leadership and court system of our country is very corrupt, that the civil service is far too big for our nation of 2 million people, and that with proper management, our country could prosper just fine only with 10% tax rate.

He indicated that there is not enough critical mass of people currently in order to overthrow the people who are on the leading and decisive positions in our political and social system, and that national bankruptcy is inevitable unless some change in current trends happens. In the scenario of financial collapse, we are to receive help from EU financial rescue officials that would come and clean our government management. This would be a tuff step to take, but Zoran does not see any other solution.

Alarming times are obvious ahead of us, and no one can predict exactly what is going to happen. Thus I want to introduce the solution of Equal Money System to as many people as possible, especially to those who have the power of influence in the current position. I am looking forward for the book on Equal Money that is expected to be released in the following few months, as the support and guidance for the people who see the great need to change the current money, economic, political and social system.
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2011 - Bought new photo equipment, met new interesting people

Yesterday morning I have been busy packing and moving out of my apartment and I managed to make two rides with my car, fully filled with the stuff. In the afternoon I went to Kranj city where I met with the real estate agent, and we went to the public notary to authenticate the selling contract for my apartment. I then visited Kompas tourist agency since the visa application form that I have found on the web was not the correct version. So I had to write down all the information again in a just slightly different form that was five pages long, and then they faxed it to the South African Embassy in Vienna.

Then I continued my ride to our capital city Ljubljana, where I planned to purchase photo equipment. I was there last time two months ago when I assisted my neighbor to pick the proper camera for his personal use, and he also rented me his equipment a few times afterwards for my professional use. But since I am going to South Africa and then move to new apartment in Ljubljana, I will be no longer able to rent his equipment from him anymore due to long distances. So this time it was my turn to buy some entry-level camera for my basic needs. While driving there and back I was speaking self-forgiveness out loud whenever I noticed any movement of my mind, which assisted me to be fully present in my car and focus on the traffic.

I have been using Nikon brand professional equipment until I sold it two years ago. When I have been picking the camera for my friend, we decided to go for a middle price-range Canon camera that was able to also take full HD movies. But one month ago a new model of Nikon SLR camera was released that also enables to shoot in full HD, so I tested it and compared it with the Canon model. It was smaller and cheaper than Canon, with great ergonomics, so I decided to go with Nikon. I bought a set with a body and two zoom lenses that cover from 18 to 300 mm range, the most powerful external Nikon flash, a monopod, one backpack, one beltpack and some other small accessories. This will cover my needs to make some photos in Africa and also to execute professional photography and video projects.

While driving back home, I stopped again in Kranj, where I was invited to participate in discussion with group of people who also want to improve this world. This time I was only in role of listener and observer, and I expect the next time to have the opportunity to introduce them with the Desteni solutions. The place was very cold and the air was filled with cigaret and marijuana smoke, so it was not very enjoyable for me. But since I was not there for my personal pleasure, I endured in expectation with future results in connecting people that would like to make this world a better place.

When I arrived home, I checked my email and FaceBook and started to reply to messages. When I got to the message where someone was asking me about how can one be sure if everything that Desteni is saying is nothing but the truth, I experienced like someone would push me swiftly in my head from left side and moved me right for a few centimeters and this resulted in immediate strong vertigo. Up to this time, the vertigo appeared more gradually, but this time was like a immediate strong hit. I lied down on the sofa and started to rest in order for vertigo to go away as usual. Slowly I started to feel very sick in the stomach and I also experienced pressure and gas in my intestines. I considered this also to be a result of daily stress and very quickly eating tho sandwiches that I bought on the gas station, that were heated in the microwave and eaten fast on the parking spot before I went to the group discussion. So I decided to go on a toilet and empty my stomach and intestines by vomiting and taking a shit. A then went to bed, since it was already very late.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to observe and admire the looks of some girl and wanting to be her boyfriend and having sex with her, instead of realizing the attraction to someones looks is resonantly triggered by the mind, and is based on the programming of the sex system that locks and enslaves you in relationship and distracts you from grasping and taking the full responsibility for the whole reality in this world.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel ashamed when having vertigo and writing about it in my blog, since I want to be perfect and flawless Destonian and by my example represent the effectiveness of Desteni tools, instead of realizing that Desteni as organization has nothing to do with me personally, that only I am responsible for myself, that I can not control my physical body, and that I need to trust my body to do whatever it decides it is necessary in order to remove all the toxins and become stable again.

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2011 - Continuing with moving out, spreading the message of Desteni

Today I have been busy packing my stuff in order to move out of my apartment, and I have been also very active in communicating with a lot of new friends on the FaceBook. Many have found the new Desteni videos that I promptly post on by FaceBook wall every day very inspiring, so I sent them additional information and links to Desteni web sites and YouTube channels. Of course there were also some who wanted to hold onto their own opinions, so we ended the chat very quickly.

I am noticing improved emotional stability, and this is probably the result of extensively speaking self-forgiveness sentences out loud yesterday. I have been able to write long explanation messages to friends who wanted to know more about Desteni with a lot of patience. And I have learned that commenting to the love and light bullshit posts of some friends is very counterproductive. The people simply do not like others to disturb their illusion of good feelings. So I am sticking to posting the Desteni stuff only on my wall and other Desteni group walls and communicate only with those who will like the videos, vlogs and blogs.
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2011 - Curing cancer effectively with sodium bicarbonate and iodine

Today I have watched a two hour footage of lecture of Primož Verbič who is the president of SVOOD - Slovenian Society for Freedom of Choice. He had a speech in the Youth Cultural Center in Škofja Loka, where I am also to have a speech about my experiences with Desteni on 9. February 2011. He proved that vaccination is not only ineffective and that can also cause death, thus the doctors who enforce vaccination should be charged of murder.

Then I stumbled upon one video that some of my friend on FaceBook shared a YouTube video with Croatian subtitles on his wall and it held an information about Italian medical doctor Tullio Simoncini, who has been researching cancer for many years. In the footage of his lecture he claimed that cancer is the result of human body defense when Candida fungus starts to spread due to disrupted body acidity. He proved that cancer can be cured effectively simply if it gets in touch with sodium bicarbonate. And the skin cancer can be fully cured just with the iodine solution. All the information in shared in many languages, including Slovenian, on his web site > http://www.curenaturalicancro.com

Since the mother of my friend, who lives in the same building, is working on the Slovenian Oncology Hospital, I called her and shared the interesting information with her. Not long after I started to share her this information, she stopped me and said that she does not believe the information on the internet and that she trusts her colleagues that collect the most advanced knowledge on the many top world medical conferences. She did not bother to check the information for herself, and reacted simply out of ego end self-interest. This response of hers did not come as a great surprise, since I already shared her some useful information once and she proved that she does not give a fuck about patients, as long as she gets her big monthly paycheck. I gave her another try, but she exposed herself again as totally ignorant and irresponsible person.

As the lecture about vaccination and treating cancer exposed, there is a great resistance from the medical corporations, they make a great effort to discredit the free-thinking scientist, send annoying journalist and ridicule the discoveries in the media. Of course, simply because the new methods are not lucrative, but very cheap or free, so corporations and medical industry can not profit from patients anymore. And the doctors who spent a huge amount of money to get their medical diploma are not able to charge for their precious advices anymore. The whole medicine is corrupt, and it is the current money system that is holding everyone in the position of self-interest and greed. Thus this problem can not be fixed with small corrections, it will take a whole new system with the different values in order for all to break free from this slavery of banking terrorism. We need the Equal Money System that will support all life as one and equal and bring heaven on earth in the effective and practical way.
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2011 - Message to the girl who is madly in love with me and the vertigo

Herewith I am going to expose my thoughts related to the girl who came to visit me all the way from other side of our country and stayed here for period of five days in order to also help me with packing and moving out from my apartment that I sold recently. But before I continue, I will note another vertigo that I experienced this morning.

For the past several days I have been staying up until 2am and then waking up around 8am, so I slept for 6 hours per night. In these days I was also very active with using computer, especially FaceBook, where I very intensively started to befriend all the people who I recognized as ones with potential to stand up for equality. All this actions were very focus intensive and I had to weight up who to ask for friendship and who not. This morning when I was in bed, and the alarm started to ring, I continued with sleeping. I noticed that subconsciously I started to think about something very intensely. I felt how this mind activity started to compound and build pressure in my head and the vertigo emerged. I started to sweat extensively, like getting fever, and I felt that my body is dehydrated and that if I would drink a glass of water, I would get ok. So I stood up and went in the bathroom while still experiencing the vertigo. Firstly I wanted to take a piss and shit, but while I was sitting on the toilet, the vertigo became so strong that I turned around and vomited. Since I had an empty stomach, only a bit of saliva came out of me. Then I took s few sips of water from the tap and returned to bed. After two hours of resting the vertigo went away completely and I was able to stand up and continue with my daily activities.

Now back to the main subject. It has been now around two weeks since the girl who spent five days with me went home. What is strange, is that she also experienced strong vertigo when she came home for a period of few days. And she has been calling me and sending me SMS messages daily, sometimes several time per day. She is telling that she is in love with me and that only once she loved a man so strong like me, that she is missing me and wants to be with me and hug me, and do whatever I would want her to do, and that she would go to the end of the world with me, and that I am so sweet and delicious that she wants to bite me and eat me alive, that I have stolen her hearth and soul, that she is going to love me even if I would be fat, old and ugly, that she is crying all the time and experiences a great pain in the chests since she is missing me so much, that my ears, nose and belly are so adorable, and that she would also shave her hair for me and follow me to Africa or to any place on this world, and that she wants to spend every single moment with me.

While some man would feel flattered by compliments like this, be thankful and accept the woman who is so dedicated, I response very different to this kind of words and actions. I invited this girl to visit me again since I required some help with packing stuff and moving out of my apartment, and since I liked the way how we interacted when she came to visit me for the first time. Now, when she came to visit me for the second time, the first thing what we did was having sex, since we both needed to release the energy that compounded in few weeks after the first visit. Then I planned for us to pack as many stuff as possible, but how the following few days actually resulted, was in having sex twice per day and hanging together without doing anything regarding packing stuff. It was only the fourth day when we finally got fed with each other and started to dismantle some furniture and fill the cardboard boxes with closed and shoes and similar stuff.

I enjoyed this experience, but I also became a bit tired of all this sticking together. I was not able to focus an writing blogs or watching Desteni videos and I was not able to be alone and enjoy the peace and silence. But what bothered me the most was that this girl did not care about my Desteni process, and was only interested in me as my physical body and personality. Although she has been in the process of self-realization by reading many spiritual book, she was not interested in the tools of writing herself to freedom and self-forgiveness. I explained her that her definitions of me and projections of her feelings of love are unacceptable and that I am only willing to be in an agreement with someone as one end equal with me, so we can support each other in the process of removing all the mind bullshit and take full responsibility of every single thought, feeling and emotions. I explain to her this every time when she calls me, but she does not take it seriously, she only smiles and wants to be funny and cute.

Yesterday she said that I may tell her directly if I do not want her to call me again, and I confirmed, since I wanted her to take time to cool down, but after few minutes, she called me again and said that she is unable to do that. So all this is indicating extreme mind possession, but since being in love is in our society so acceptable, she is not aware about the seriousness of her allowed and accepted anergy possession. I still respond to every single phone call of hers, since I do not mind if anyone calls me from time to time. There are some attributes regarding her physical body that I do not find very attractive, like that she is several years order than me, that the skin in her face looks very tired and that she has extensive deep blue circles around her eyes, that indicates some kind of strong inner imbalance. I also do not like long hair, since it is impractical and bothers the intimate physical interaction. I find her slender body quite attractive and her voice is very tender, soft and caring. But even if she would be younger than me, with perfect face skin and short hair, I would still not want to be with someone that is totally possessed with me.

I like to be alone, since I need peace in order to focus on my process of self-realization, support others and contribute to the solutions like Equal Money System that would provide for all living beings on this world equally and restore the balance. So I am only willing to accept someone that is equally inspired by Desteni and will join me as a part of the group who speaks and walks as one in order to impact this world effectively and bring the heaven on earth as soon as possible.
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2011 - How physical supports me with itching and vertigo in detail

I have been raised up to become a good brave boy that my parents could be proud of. My mother worked as a midwife and my father was firstly a chimney sweeper, than a head of a air cleaning unit in the steel factory and then he finally started his own business. In the beginning we produced innovative products for steel industry and when recession started, we transformed into visual communications family business. With my younger brother I was helping to produce stuff and services since elementary school and we were not allowed to go out since we could end in the bad company.

During the years of working, I had to obey my father and do what he wanted me to, so I learned to suppress my emotions. This suppression started to manifest on my physical body as the itching region of the skin around my genitals. Firstly I did not know what the reason was, so I went to a doctor who prescribed the treatment with some ointment. This did not help, so I researched alternative medicine and visited several different Chinese and Ayurvedic specialist, but nothing helped. Then after years of the research and experiences, I recognized that there is nothing out there that can help me, since the cause of the problem is within me. I noticed that the pinching itching sensations manifested every time when I had certain kind of thoughts and emotional reactions. When I met Desteni in october 2009, I became familiar with the tools of self-forgiveness and advanced tools of mind constructs that supported me in defusing this emotional reactions. I have noticed, that within last year, I have gradually became more and more stable, the itching diminished extensively, and also the general skin condition improved significantly.

A few years ago I also started to experience vertigos. Several times a year I got so sudden strong vertigo with nausea that I vomited, but this lasted just one day. But a few months ago, I got I massive vertigo that diminished slowly only after one week. This happened after spending a weekend with some girl and then she returned home monday morning. I started to research what could be the cause of the vertigos. Some small vertigos also started to manifest suddenly during the day and I noticed that it appeared after certain form of thinking or mind patterns. I became very attentive about what I was thinking the moment before the vertigo appeared. Most of this small ones went away after I lied down on the sofa and took a short nap for half an hour or so. But I am noticing that I have become more and more sensitive to certain mind patterns and that I had to become more careful about what I am thinking. I could say that the physical has starting to become more and more demanding and that the tolerance level of my unequal thinking has reduced.

Now I have been researching what kind of mind patterns result in what kind of physical support and I came to the following conclusion. The support of itching is related to the mind patterns of anger, intolerance and rushing, thus also the skin developed a rash. It can also be described as the the production of hot energy that burns and disintegrates my skin. Thus I need to cool down my emotions, forgive myself and breathe effectively. And the support of vertigo is related to different kind of mind patterns, like over achiever, superiority and is linked also to emotions like envy and arrogance, wanting to become something more, higher, reaching the sky, thus my head stopped me with the vertigo in order to lower myself down to the equal level with others. The sensation when thinking this kind of mind patterns is like some kind of heavy fog or pickling and tingling feeling that compounds and expands and occupies my whole head. And when I start breathing effectively, my head becomes clear and table again.

So I need constantly to pay attention to my mind patterns and not allowing any anger or envy in order to avoid sensation of itching or vertigo and constantly breathe effectively. I am very thankful to physical for this support, since it mirrors my actions very clearly and supports me on the path to self-realization.
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2011 - Got money from selling apartment, bought ticket to Desteni farm

After two days of delay, the buyer of my apartment finally wired me the money, thus my apartment definitely got a new owner. So for the past few day, I have been very busy with paying all the past bills, delayed taxes, closing bank credits, ordering passport, preparing the visa application, making flight reservation and Desteni Farm holiday booking. Today I plan to open the bank account at new bank, since I had bad experiences with my current bank, and I will have to wait only two weeks in order to get credit card, and not two months as my current bank demands. I also have to pay commission to the real estate agency and check if all the taxes are payed in accordance to our laws. By Saturday I plan to move out of apartment completely and temporary settle at my father's upper flat. I then plan to update my computer graphic design software, buy a camera and start to produce vlogs and blogs more regularly.
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2011 - Considering farming in order to relieve my butt

It has been now almost one year since I started Structural Resonance Alignment Training. When it was firstly introduced, there was no detailed description of what it would include and how will the lessons be structured, so I was not able to predict how will it influence my life. I pictured it as being only a deep study and guidance on tools like self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. So I was quite surprised when we started with muscle-communication, which was totally mind-blowing and I still get amazed every time when using it. Then the mind constructs lessons started and I saw how deep and detailed analysis of our mind patterns can be. And filling response sheets with information about what our unconscious mind networks exist as was also quite a challenge. In spite of great resistance that I had with pulling out all of information, I was able to push myself and do all the homework in time, so I am quit satisfied with myself.

However it was not until six months after beginning of my SRAT study when I realized that extensive blogging and vlogging would also have to become major part of my life. It would be far more convenient for me if I could continue with my current style of life, doing my business and enjoying whatever I would like to do throughout the day. I expected that my SRAT tutor would only give me some goal-oriented assignments and when I would finish them, I would have no more obligations in regards to the process. But slowly I started to realize that Desteni process is not about executing specific assignments, but about birthing yourself as life from the physical and living the message of oneness and equality and doing what is best for all in every single breath. This means to become constantly stable inside and to direct yourself not as energy, but as the principle. Just understanding this concept is very challenging and to actually become life that stands the test of time, is an hard-to-imagine achievement.

The way how my parents raised me and influenced me, especially my father, was to obey him and do exactly what he wants and to not what he does not want. So I became used to move myself only if there was some other impulse, meaning, if other people would instruct or order me to do something. I have became obedient worker without self-will, bravely executing orders of others, and when I finished the job, I stopped moving. And I am still looking forward for someone to direct me, to give me some assignment, and if there is no impulse from outside, I became lazy.

If there is nothing specific that someone wants me to do, I go into low-esteem mode, researching, enjoying and resting. In some way, I have abdicated my self-will, so I find hard to direct myself when I am alone. In that occasions I allow my mind to move me. If I do not know what to do, I lye down on the sofa and take a nap. While resting, I start to think and then I come to idea what would be cool to do next. Then I wake up and start moving myself towards execution that idea. Most of ideas that I come up with are oriented towards research, self-realization and making this world a better place, but they do not have significant impact. The thing I enjoy the most is watching and sharing Desteni videos and other information. I like befriending people who want to discover themselves and invite them to research Desteni. But there are also stuff that I do not like as much, since they involve reading texts and removing mind-fucks.

As a DIP recruiter, I am also receiving ITD lessons so I can get acquainted with the process that ITD student are walking in order to be a proper buddy to my recruits in the future. I have noticed that the second lesson includes suggestion to blog every single day. While I have decided to blog more frequent a few months ago, the initial information about the minimum amount of blog posts for the beginners was about one post per month. That seemed to me too infrequent, so I was very surprised when I heard about daily blogging for the ITD students. As a future buddy, I wanted to be equal to the ITD students, so I read all the lessons and re-watched the suggested videos, but now I am also faced with the challenge to blog daily. While I compared myself to other Destonians from Slovenia who blogged just a few times per month, I have been very satisfied with my achievement of blogging several times per week. But now, when ITD students from Slovenia started to blog daily, I have lost my lead. Thus I will have to push myself even more to catch up with the rest of the group.

But no problem, if others can do it, I can do it also. Well it is not so hard for me to write myself out mentally, but it is the physical that is making me problems. I mean the physical pain system and the gravity are making me hard to blog. Since every blog takes from one to two hours to write, I need my body to be still in order to hit the keyboard on the screen accurately and write what I have on my mind. But after some time of not moving my physical body, the force of gravity starts to press on my skin and muscles which results in increasing pain that redirects my attention from writing. Thus I need to stop writing, move my body and then continue. Since I spend a lot of time sitting and using computer already for my business, research and entertainment need, having to blog daily means to increase the amount of time while sitting and using computer even more. So my butt suffers extremely and extensively and the nasty and painfully boils start to appear on the skin of my ass.

I see the computer as a very useful tool to communicate with lots of people regardless of their locations, and it also tool that I use to create graphic design, execute pre-press, and retouch photos as part of my business services. If I add watching videos for education and entertainments, I can conclude that I am using computer for most of my day. I have no problems with my eyes while watching for so long, it is only the buttocks that takes all the stress. So I consider changing my professional services into something that would result in more physical activities and would not include using computer. Thus owning and working on some far is a very attractive Idea. It would bring me the opportunity to ground and earth me much better and to be in touch with other living beings, since now I am mostly separated from natural environment, spending all day in my apartment. So when I return from the holidays on the Desteni farm, I will check the available options of buying a small farm somewhere in our country or joining some group that already owns and lives on the farm.
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2011 - Zeitgeist Moving Forward - Movie review

Today was the world premiere of the third Zeitgeist movie titled "Moving Forward". I reserved the ticket a few weeks ago, since I am in touch and following the activities of the Zeitgeist Movement in Slovenia. The screening took place in several major town in our country, and I went to Kranj, which is closest town to my place. The movie started at 6pm and it was over 2,5 hour long. I went to watch the movie with expectations, like the title suggested, that Zeitgeist had moved forward, made some new steps, so I wanted to see what new solutions would bring the movie in order to manifest the idea of moneyless society and round cities with resource-based economy.

The movie started with some explanation that addictions and violence are not genetically caused, but are the result of social environment. Interviews with several experts were part of the movie in order to underline every conclusion. Then the part of how money is currently created and all the related frauds have been pictured. The atmosphere became more and more intense with the introduction of dramatic music and scenes that predicted mass riots. Then the music changed in touchingly guitar solo and the clips of solution in form of resource based society and sustainable round cities was introduced. This part was so touching that I had to push myself and breathe very deep and fast in order not to cry because of joyful feelings.

There was some part in the movie that pointed equality as the crucial factor in gaining peoples satisfaction and prosperity. Some talk was also in regards to forgiveness and that it should be not used, but I did not understood everything that was said due to very small subtitles. And also feelings and emotions have been mentions, since the lack of money is not the cause of the stress, but the bad feeling because of not having it. However the role of equality point and power of feelings and emotions was not presented as the major factor. And only the physical brain has been presented as origin of human behavior, totally disregarding non-physical dimensions.

The whole planet has been presented purely as the location of human resources, on hand purely for the exploitation of the human kind. There was no mentioning of the rest of the species, like animals and plants, focusing only on the metals and minerals as the building elements for the devices that will bring us pleasure. The robotic automation and computers were praised as the solution to relieve humans from unwanted jobs. The produced goods would be build at highest quality standards to last as long as possible. And the purpose and joy of the humans is suppose to be in creating things.

At the end was the breaking point where pressure compounded and the human crowd and the police force were to face and hit each other. Then some man from the office called the chief of police and then it took of his helmet and dropped it on the floor. And on the side of the civilians, some businessman threw his suitcase full of money in the air so it smashed on the floor, broke open and the money fell on the ground. Then slowly the rest of the crowd followed and they all trashed their bags of money, as they realized that they do not need it anymore, and all became very blissful and joyful.

So this are all the major points of the movie that remained in my memory. I can say that the movie was a great disappointed, since I expected to hear about some new and practical solution about how to fix this world. It was a disgrace that animals and plants have been totally ignored as being, not worth of inclusion in the equality equation. The movie gave the man all the right to exploit the whole planet just for his own pleasure, introducing sustainable economy not from the point of accepting every living being as one and equal, but as the superior and dominant species, worth of ruling this planet. No actions were to be made in order to remove human ego, and the responsibility of individuals for their thought, feelings and emotions was not taken into consideration.

The idea of the introduction of the resource based economy was based on the imagination of human as species coming from outer space to this planet, that was not yet inhabited. We were to look at the whole planet and see the similarity between the ecosystem and the connectedness of the internal organs of human body, thus we were to treat the planet as a whole balanced system. And the idea of ending all problems of this world was based on the spontaneous moment, when we would all collectively miraculously come at the same time to enlightenment and realization that we do not need the money anymore, would get rid of it in a single moment, and then we would live happily ever after.

I saw no actual difference between this movie and the previous ones. The same points were propagated as before, only the script was a bit different, more structured and clear. So Zeitgeist is Moving Forward, by staying on the same spot. No actual practical solutions how to make the transition from current money system to no money system. No deep understanding of how mind-conscious system is enslaving and possessing us by producing thoughts, feelings and emotions, and no realization about how each of us is responsible for everything that we allow and accept and that there is no other solutions but self-forgiveness. Zeitgeist has the vision, but their vision is the continuation of human elitism end technological superiority, without understanding of all the point and dimensions that exist and create this reality.

However I introduced myself to the girl who was a head of the screening and I asked her if there will be any discussion afterward. She told me, that it will take place in two weeks and all the Zeitgeist members from Slovenia that would like to contribute, will be invited. I gave her my contacts and said that I would like to introduce the solutions of Desteni, but I do not know it they will actually want to hear, since I already shared information to some of the members, but they did not express much interest yet. But she told me, that every suggestion is welcome and that she is totally open for anyone who has got some useful idea. So I plan to share Desteni solutions at the group discussion, and maybe I will meet her even before the meeting and explain her my experiences face to face.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a feeling of superiority while introducing Desteni to the girl, chief of screening, instead of realizing that she is equal to me, and that Desteni message needs to be lived by not allowing any energetic possession.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to become angry and then suppress this feeling while listening to some illusional claims in the Zeitgeist movie and thus manifesting itching on the skin, instead of realizing that I need to stop all judgements, breathe effectively, listen without any emotional reactions and then communicate the solutions that are best for all with complete inner stability as life.

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2011 - Contract closed, climbed the hill, researched sexual intimacy

Today I went to real estate agency and signed a contract with the couple who decided to buy my apartment. All went well and I should receive money to my bank account next Monday. Thus I have pushed the preparations for holidays on the Desteni farm and visited travel agency who also organized travel to South African football world cup a few months ago and got all the information what steps will I need to take.

Firstly I went to photographer that took the pictures for the documents. Then I went to local administrative unit and ordered the making of passport since I do not have one yet and it will take about one week to receive it. Then I wil need to bring the passport to the travel agency and the agency will sent it, together with the written invitation from the farm and my financial information, to the South African Embassy in Vienna. The embassy will check my information, print the visa in the passport and send back the passport in about 10 days period. Meanwhile I need to book the plain tickets since they are cheaper if you book them as soon as possible. If everything will go well, on 10. February 2011 I will be on my plane to the other side of the globe.

While I was busy with the formalities, my girlfriend has been staying alone at my apartment. When I returned back, she has been again all over me and we went all the way. We had a long sex while she was on the top all the time, and I let her do all the moving. I wanted to know how she experiences it, what she is feeling, but she told me not to disturb her, since she wants to focus on the feeling. It is interesting that usually she talks all the time, but now she was not willing to share any information. I enjoyed very much but I also wanted to understand what she feels, since I also explained her yesterday how I experience sex and what kind of touch is for me pleasant and which is unpleasant. So far she only explained that she is usually experiencing several small orgasms and after she gets the big one, she is not in the mood to continue anymore. I found this information interesting, since as I read about woman's orgasm, that they are able to experience it sequential one after another without desire to stop at some point. So this has been something new to me.

Then we got out and climbed the local hill and the girl complained how her legs are all soft and rubber like. But we managed to reach the peak successfully and had a nice cup of tea at the farm of Mrs Milka. It was already pretty dark while we were heading down the hill. Since my father called me to immediately come to his office and do some small project on the computer, we stopped bye at his place and I introduced him with my girlfriend. After I finished the job, we went home, had shower and I had something to eat. Then she went to bed and I finally got some peaceful time in order to watch the new daily Desteni videos and start writing this blog.

In regards to this girl visiting me, I noticed that I had trouble with finding the sufficient time to do all the stuff that I usually do when I am alone. She constantly needs my attention, touches, caresses and kisses me all the time and talks and makes questions non-stop, even if I watch some video. She explained how she desires touching, since she has been divorced for may years, her son has already grown up and does not allow her to hug him anymore, so the way she compensated her feeling of loneliness in recent time was by frequently hugging her teddy-bear. No wonder why she is so lustful, since now I have become her bear and I am much more appropriate to cuttle and beyond. Tomorrow we are going to start packing stuff to move myself out and I am looking forward to the experience of this joined project.

Spending time with this girl has been a opportunity to put myself on the test. While she physically moved and talked, I was careful about any of my emotional reactions. I pushed myself to breathe effectively and remain here, not to have any expectations and tried to communicate with her effectively. I can not say that I had none reactions whatsoever, but still I am satisfied that I have become much stable than like a was few months ago. The Desteni tools of self-forgiveness and Structural Resonance Alignment Training has definitely improved my emotional stability extensively and I expect to go even further by walking my process in the future.
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2011 - Sold apartment, girlfriend visited, holidays at Desteni farm

I have found a buyer for my new apartment after only three weeks of advertising. Some young couple has came to look at apartment past Sunday and tomorrow we are to sign a contract, so I will be out of my apartment by the end of January. I am satisfied with the price we agreed upon and in following days I will be busy with packing and moving out. Until I find a new apartment in Ljubljana, I will be staying at my fathers place for a while.

Since I will get quite a lot of money from selling the apartment, I will be able to pay all my debts and invest in new projects. I have considered to use this opportunity also to visit the Desteni farm for one month of SRA mandatory practical training. I have sent the mail to the farm, but got the answer that visit to the farm is no longer mandatory in order to complete SRA training, and the only way to visit the far from now on is to buy a holidays on the farm. I have decided to go to the farm anyway in order to get the practical experience and to meet all the people on the farm in flesh.

I have also contacted Ministry for Foreign Affairs of our Republic of Slovenia and asked what I need in order to travel to South Africa. They said that I will need a visa and that I have to contact South African Embassy in Berlin. I have wrote an email to embassy in Berlin but they replied that I need to contact the embassy in Vienna. I have forwarded the email to the address that Berlin embassy gave but the mail has been refused since the user is over quota. I have also checked the link to the web site to the embassy in Vienna and the URL had only default content of the domain host. I have reported to Berlin embassy that infos of Vienna embassy is not valid and I am expecting come valid answer.

Today I also got a visit from a girl that visited me about three weeks ago and has been calling and me and sending me SMS messages almost every day since then. She is quite "in love" or should I say obsessed with me, and we became intimate just a few moments after she came to my place. It was cool al this hugging and kissing and the body warmth, but it also disrupted my usual daily rhythm, since I am used to live alone. She just could not have enough of me, thus I had problems concentrating to the things that I planned to do for today. So I started the conversation to express my expectations and wishes in order to get done everything what I planned to do. She also came for the reason of helping me to pack and move out of the apartment, so I am glad that she came bye.

But since the girl has been all over me, I saw the need of coming to an agreement of how our relationship is going to be. In the past weeks she has become very familiar with the fact that I am walking the Desteni process of self-realization and I invited her also to start writing blog. She started to write journal three weeks ago in order to bring it for me to read and support her with effective self-forgiveness. But since she has forgotten to bring the journal, I have suggested her to write several pages while she is staying at my place so I can show her how to benefit from writing herself to freedom. Thus while I am now typing this blog post, she is busy writing her stuff manually to the notebook. Now I am going to check her writing and give her some directions and then we are going to bed, since she is very tired.
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2011 - Sound Money - The gold standard is not the solution

I have watched some very interesting videos today that speak about money and current world economic crisis. Stansberry & Associates Research Institute released a very controversial presentation video that in very great detail explains how USA is slowly but surely drifting into hyperinflation. The starting point of the video is to gain subscribers for the institute reports that promise very useful and practical information about how to protect your assets and even get profit from the incoming money collapse. One of the suggestions is to buy as many gold and silver, however they talk also about something, called "The worlds most valuble asset in the time of crisis" that is far more valuable than precious metals and that also the elite is investing in this asset. They have correctly predicted already the 2008 crisis and they offer three months of no-questions-asked money-back guarantee for the yearly subscriptions that is very affordable. I have become very curious what this "Worlds most valuble asset in the time of crisis" is, but my credit card is currently blocked, so I can not check this out. Maybe some other of you guys could check and report back.

The other awesome video that I watched is titled The Rise of Sound Money. In this video some guy shortly explains how money was and is currently created and why is the current money system not healthy. This lecture is one of the rare ones that goes beyond idea of returning to the gold standard, since if everyone would start buying silver or gold, the world would very quickly run out of it, and that the bankers have already bought all the available gold, so this idea has no common sense. I have checked the YouTube channel where video has been uploaded to, and discovered the web sites Stop The Robbery, The End All Disease and World Hemp Revolution. There is also the FaceBook page StopTheRobbery - Accelerating Human Evolution and then I also searched and found out that the name of the guy is Mark David. I invited him to become my friends and he immediately confirmed. Then I sent him a message with the short description of Desteni and the links to web sites and suggested him to research and share the information. He replied that he is very glad of making this kind of connections and that he will take a look. He is currently preparing the video where he will "drop the full equation of what he believes to be the most efficient manner to change our world into an everyday paradise and that he will include a proposition directly the Rockefeller family, Rothschilds, Morgan's, and any other families who are part of the NWO plan as well." So I am looking forward for the release of the video with his proposition.

The bottom line is that I have also been considering to buy the gold and silver with the money from selling my apartment. From the economic perspective and based on predictions that the price of this two metals will skyrocket, I could make a small fortune by that. But this way I would become one of those who care only for self-interest and would also contribute to the increase of the price and shortage of the metals that are practically needed to produce electronic components. This is certainly not the solution that is best for all. Basing money on the value of gold and silver can not solve the problems of this world. If the value of things is relative to rarity, meaning that the things that are in less quantity have the highest value, and the things that are in abundance are the cheapest, this is still the system that perpetuates greed, scarcity and destroys life. We need to change our principles and create the system that would support life at all costs. Thus the life is what must be appreciated the most, the life has to have the highest value. Things have to be valued parallel to the level of how they support life. And this is what Equal Money System is all about. Thus I suggest everyone to research it and contribute the ideas of how this life-supportive system can be practically manifested within the legal and political boundaries of each of our countries.
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2011 - My chat experience with founder of Wikileaks Slovenia

Today I have had a Skype audio chat with a guy from Slovenia who I met on FaceBook and is managing some Slovenian environmental FaceBook group. I have checked his profile and noticed that he is also involved in the Wikileaks project. So I contacted him and we talked about our backgrounds and current activities. He explained that he is preparing Wikileaks Slovenia project that would expose all the corruption that journalism and police do not want to expose due to lack of will or fear or corruption. Besides exposing the crimes, there is also plan to prosecute those crimes and punish the people who abuse other people and steal large amount of money in more or less legal ways.

I saw here the opportunity to join the forces in bringing the better world, so I wanted to introduce Desteni and the solutions to this guy. After he introduced himself it was my turn to share my background and then I asked him some questions in order to see how he understands the root cause of current world imbalance and what is his idea of fixing the situation. He explained that what is needed is to move to non-profit model of organizations and the way to manifest this model is through the introduction of proper legislation. When I asked him about how he understands the driving force of greed, he answered that this is not his line of job and that he does not care.

I noticed that he became very restless, he constantly interrupted me and started to explain what are his plans and what he needs, how he is totally broke and how sometimes works up to 20 hours per day and that many people from different fields are contacting him daily and wanting to talk to him. He became more and more upset, talking and talking, and did not want to give me the opportunity to explain what are my intentions. I tried to explain that at Desteni we share the same goals of making this world a better place, and that there is course for self-realization and Equal Money System prepared as the effective practical solutions to achieve this goals.

After I explained him that I am interested in cooperation, he said that he does not care about what other people do and that he is only willing to find out how can we help him at the Wikileaks project. He was not willing to even check the Desteni stuff for himself. When I asked him if he is interested in gaining the bigger picture about how and why this world exists the way it is, he replied that the way how general science explains this existence is sufficient for him and that he is only willing to focus on legal approach of fixing this reality. I asked him is he is aware that during our conversation he emotionally reacted and projected his past experiences and I suggested to support himself at understanding how the mind and emotions work with the tools of Desteni, but he did not want to listen.

I explained that I did not wanted to speak with him only to support his project and that my interest is cooperation and the solutions that are best for all, thus we both need to be opened, listen to each other equally and research what solutions are the best. Since he constantly interrupted me, with justification that this is simple the way his personality is, and did not want to listen to what I had to say, I told him that I am not interested in continuing this conversation, that I do not have respect for the people who only want to protect their own interest and then I said good bye.

This was another example of the people who are not really interested in equality and stopping their egos, but just positioned themselves at some activist role and blindly follow what they believe is right, just to feel good and special, which is as much elitism and self-interest as of the people that they are supposedly fighting against. The root cause of evil in this world is self, and the self needs to take the full responsibility of everything that exists, become one with all existence by applying self-forgiveness and then only is one able to change this reality to what is best for all, based not on feelings, emotions, judgements and projections, but on the principle of equality and with inner stability as all as one and equal.
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2011 - My chat experience with founder of Wikileaks Slovenia

Today I have had a Skype audio chat with a guy from Slovenia who I met on FaceBook and is managing some Slovenian environmental FaceBook group. I have checked his profile and noticed that he is also involved in the Wikileaks project. So I contacted him and we talked about our backgrounds and current activities. He explained that he is preparing Wikileaks Slovenia project that would expose all the corruption that journalism and police do not want to expose due to lack of will or fear or corruption. Besides exposing the crimes, there is also plan to prosecute those crimes and punish the people who abuse other people and steal large amount of money in more or less legal ways.

I saw here the opportunity to join the forces in bringing the better world, so I wanted to introduce Desteni and the solutions to this guy. After he introduced himself it was my turn to share my background and then I asked him some questions in order to see how he understands the root cause of current world imbalance and what is his idea of fixing the situation. He explained that what is needed is to move to non-profit model of organizations and the way to manifest this model is through the introduction of proper legislation. When I asked him about how he understands the driving force of greed, he answered that this is not his line of job and that he does not care.

I noticed that he became very restless, he constantly interrupted me and started to explain what are his plans and what he needs, how he is totally broke and how sometimes works up to 20 hours per day and that many people from different fields are contacting him daily and wanting to talk to him. He became more and more upset, talking and talking, and did not want to give me the opportunity to explain what are my intentions. I tried to explain that at Desteni we share the same goals of making this world a better place, and that there is course for self-realization and Equal Money System prepared as the effective practical solutions to achieve this goals.

After I explained him that I am interested in cooperation, he said that he does not care about what other people do and that he is only willing to find out how can we help him at the Wikileaks project. He was not willing to even check the Desteni stuff for himself. When I asked him if he is interested in gaining the bigger picture about how and why this world exists the way it is, he replied that the way how general science explains this existence is sufficient for him and that he is only willing to focus on legal approach of fixing this reality. I asked him is he is aware that during our conversation he emotionally reacted and projected his past experiences and I suggested to support himself at understanding how the mind and emotions work with the tools of Desteni, but he did not want to listen.

I explained that I did not wanted to speak with him only to support his project and that my interest is cooperation and the solutions that are best for all, thus we both need to be opened, listen to each other equally and research what solutions are the best. Since he constantly interrupted me, with justification that this is simple the way his personality is, and did not want to listen to what I had to say, I told him that I am not interested in continuing this conversation, that I do not have respect for the people who only want to protect their own interest and then I said good bye.

This was another example of the people who are not really interested in equality and stopping their egos, but just positioned themselves at some activist role and blindly follow what they believe is right, just to feel good and special, which is as much elitism and self-interest as of the people that they are supposedly fighting against. The root cause of evil in this world is self, and the self needs to take the full responsibility of everything that exists, become one with all existence by applying self-forgiveness and then only is one able to change this reality to what is best for all, based not on feelings, emotions, judgements and projections, but on the principle of equality and with inner stability as all as one and equal.
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2011 - Exposing secret mind related to submissive personality

This blog post is the extra support for the point that I stopped in the moment a few moments ago and started to expose and defuse verbally. I experienced the tiny skin irritation while I was listening some Desteni video and meanwhile browsed my Record of participation spreadsheet. While my eyes flew over the line where I had a description of the TV show that I watched yesterday, the line of secret mind events happened.

Yesterday I started to note also all of non-Destonian videos and texts that I process, in order for others to be more informed about all the aspects of my Desteni related participation during the day. One of the videos that I watched yesterday was our weekly national television political report called "Globus". I record three pieces of information when I log every blog post or video that I watch, namely the author/source/channel name, the video/post title and the URL. While copy/pasting the name of the TV show to my spreadsheet, I have put myself in the shoes of the person who might watched the show and understood it as not being informative enough in order for the person to gain perspective what the show is about and if it is related to Desteni process. Thus I have added to the name of the show "Globus" also the description in the brackets "(National TV weekly international political news report)".

Now when my eyes caught this description line, there was a reaction. I immediately stopped with listening the Desteni video and decided without mercy to track back "the devil". The first thought behind the emotional reaction that I brought here was that others might interpret my detailed description of TV show as self-praise, thus they will judge me and not accept me. When I went step further in order to expose why would I want to be afraid of this, I found out the desire to be accepted by others. I wanted to prove to others that I am worth of acceptance since I have become such an exemplary Destonian, giving all the best to follow the guidelines of Desteni administration, so I also research the political system by watching the political shows. But the origin of this desire is the fear that I will not be accepted by the Desteni group, that is based on Definition that Desteni group as something more, that is based on my self-accepted believe.

The basic reason for all this is in lack of self-trust due to accepted and allowed personality patterns that I accepted in the past years of my life. Since my father is a choleric dictator, I learned that the best way of me getting what I want (money, things that I desired), and to avoid what I do not want (emotional and physical violence from my father), was to suppress myself, to be quiet and to do what my father wanted me to do. And the same relationship exist even today between me and my father. I still visit him and work for him a few times per week and he still expects me to read his mind and to do exactly what he wants and exactly the way he imagines, without using many words to describe what he wants. Thus this personality pattern is also evident while participating at Desteni. I try not to comment much, not to express myself fully, since I do not want any reactions from others.

But all the fear of being judged from others is based in lack of self-trust. I allowed myself to compromise and abuse myself for many years, allowing personal opinions of others to become the sacred truth and thus learned not to stand up for what I perceived is right/best for all. I have allowed injustice/imbalance/inequality in order to survive in this system where the winner takes it all, where the one that is more powerful destroys all those that are week, if they do not become the slaves of the powerful. Thus I need to align my starting point of creating the Record of participation from wanting to prove to others that I am worth of acceptance and to protecting my current personality/ego, into practical recording in order to equally share the information and support others in the process of exposing what we have become as the systems.

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and compromise myself by allowing force and energy of others to direct my life and to become a slave, instead of unconditionally directing myself in alignment with all life as one and equal.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on support of others, developing the need to hear opinions of others and to seek approval of my actions, instead of relying on myself in total honesty, trusting myself unconditionally and do what is best for all.
   
   
3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the level of my self-expression, fearing what others might think of me, instead of realizing that if I act in total self-trust, it is not important what others think, since when I am one with all life and support all life, the emotional reactions of others are based on their ego/mind/systems that are not life and are thus agains life and are not worth of being regarded.
   
   
4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as insignificant being who has no power in this word, that I need to be born in certain blood line or rich family with influential connections, instead of realizing that when I stand as equal and one with all life, there is no system/energy/force that is more powerful than me, since I support all the existence and all the existence supports me back equally.
   
   
5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for the systems to rule this word and to destroy the life, taking the feelings and emotions as the energetic reward for becoming the obedient slave/battery/engine of the systems, instead of realizing that the systems do not consider life as one and equal, they only protect their self-interest, wanting more and more energy and thus bringing creation out of balance, thus they need to be removed/aligned with the principle of equality in order for balance/heaven on earth to be restored.

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2011 - No more mercy in regards to my mind-fucks!

I decided to do more blogs in order to defuse as many subconscious reactive mind patterns, since I have noticed that my mind produces a lot of thoughts that I have been unable to stop by focusing on breathing. I remember to be more successful a few months ago, but now it is like I have accepted thinking as something normal. Due to occasional vertigo and dreams with great hight and and deep water, I have understood it like I have been pushing myself over capacity, trying to compare myself to others who are doing more blogs and vlogs and participate on the forums and making comments much more extensively. I also do not push myself with sleeping less anymore and will focus on that point later, after I feel that I am prepared to go step further. Regardless of how I want to progress much faster, I can not go over capacity of my physical.

I have done almost one blog per day, sometimes also two blogs per day in this holiday time, when I had not much other work to do. However whenever I do my blog, it takes around one hour to finish. First to write it, then check for spelling a few times, and finally share it on several different locations. I have concluded that writing blogs is the only effective way to defuse my mind patterns, since it is the tool where I am able to slow myself down successfully and expose all the points of my secret mind. In regards to this, writing is surely unparalleled tool, however I can only defuse small amount of point within one blog post.

I have noticed, how during the day, hundreds of small emotional reactions are triggered. For each reaction I feel a tiny itch, like a sting of a needle on the skin around my genitals. This reactions are so small and fast that I disregard them and continue with what I do at that moment. I consider them as something very tiny, too small to be worth of paying attention to. But there are numerous reactions like this during the day that compound more and more. Especially when I am exposed to some disturbing event, like watching some report of movie about how fucked up this current reality is, my skin around genitals becomes very itch and I feel the unbearable urge to scratch the skin. After I do the blogs, the condition normalizes, but if I do not blog for a few days, the condition gets worse.

Now I have been considering what to do to deal with this reactions more effectively. I wanted to write a blog post for every single small reaction, but then I would write all my day long, which is not doable, since other things also need my attention. Thus I will also do self-forgiveness verbally. Whenever I will feel the sting-like sensation, I will stop doing whatever I do and ask myself what thought are behind this reaction and I will speak self-forgiveness out loud. If I will not be able to see the secret thoughts, I will immediately start writing in order to bring my thoughts here with the more effective tool and then defuse the patterns.

NO MORE MERCY!
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2011 - About one man who impressed me a lot in past several years

There is one man who I also dreamed about yesterday and who impressed me a lot with his approach, but who is also running away from open contact with me lately. This man has a certain qualities that I admire a lot, however he has also made some actions that I am not a great fun of.

This man is in his fifties, has a house near our city swimming pool with large and robust forged iron fence around, a large slimy dog and about thirty years old son. He has been a manager of our local swimming club, who is the most successful in our country and the selector of our national swimming team. He has also competed in swimming when he was young and his son is also involved in swimming as a teacher. He moved to our region from other part of our country, which is know by its vineyards and a lot more calm people than here, where we all rush, compete and envy to each others.

We started to cooperate in business manner about five years ago and I have become official graphic designer and photographer for the local swimming club and I also shot events and made a lot of designs for the national swimming team and international swimming events, organized by the National Swimming Association of Slovenia. He is a great manager and organizer, he trusted me and gave me a full freedom to express myself as graphic designer and photographer, and there was never the problem regarding money. All my invoices have been payed in time and by the sum of money made, he was one of, if not the largest of my customers. He was very skilled at raising money from different sponsors that I also included and promoted in my design works for the club.

But a few years ago he stopped the orders. This was also the time when I decided to slowly redirect my services to psychological services. I found out that he started to order designs at some of the design student who was also the active member of the swimming club. I found out that this decision was made in order for the club to save money, since her designs were more cheaper, but also lesser quality. However the quality of her work was good enough for the club, and the club also wanted to support her since she was an active member of the club. I was disappointed about stopping working for the club, also since I was not directly explained about that decision, they have cut me off like I became useless for them.

This guy, the manager of the club at that time, decided to run for the mayor office and also became the mayor of our city a few months ago. He really does know how to impress people, how to please them, is good at handling money, making connections and providing the progress. He never deletes anyone from his phone address book and is able to direct attention effectively in order to reach the goals. His campaign was great, he made himself available for anyone in person, had a nice web site and published special editions of the newspaper, to present his program and himself as a reliable and capable person. But there are also some points that he did not excel at the way I expected.

The first point was his cold attitude of cutting me off the swimming club without giving a try to even speak to me one word about it. Then while he was at the pre-elections stand, we talked and he complained how his eyesight is getting worse. I explained him that this is due some mind patterns that he holds to and that prevents him to see the full picture. I suggested him that he invites me to his place, so I can introduce him the Desteni solutions of self-realization and also the political solutions that are very important to understand if he really wants to support all the people as one and equal while playing the role of a mayor. He gave me his word that he will invite me even before elections, but he did not fulfill his promise. I then sent him an email and have also visited the office of the mayor after he was elected, but he did not invite me for a meeting yet.

So this man has been at some points a role model for me, since he was a very successful at his job, was able to raise money, payed all the bills in time and appreciated the work I did. However he is very goal-oriented, supported competition and elitism, and was not able to be really intimately and opened share himself with others. His communication was very narrow oriented, only to have the effect in fulfilling his self-interest. Of course he also provided for others, but only for those, who he saw as a part of his equation to assist him at reaching his goals. I am sure he will also be successful at his function as a mayor, but his narrow view and limited understanding of himself and the world will prevent him from taking care of all the living being equally, so he will be facing many difficulties and will unconsciously do a lot of harm to others if he does not decide to become totally self-honest and start to see the bigger picture.

In my dreams he came to me, very high spirited, ordered my photography services and telling me that my photos will be awesome fantastic, that people will be amazed when they will see them and that we will perform a fantastic show for the people. He came with great enthusiasm and trust, believed in me and my professional abilities, knew how to raise my spirit, how to inspire me and present me a picture of delightful future, so I could feel very good and was looking forward to engage and produce excellent photos. But regardless of his positive attitude, I knew deep inside that there is something wrong, that I am not able to communicate with him as one and equal, since whenever I started some conversation that was outside his field of interest, he would not be able to pay attention to what I was saying, looking around and trying to escape away from me.

Thus I have recognized that his as a faker, who does not really give a damn about what is best for all. I have imagined how I would be able to support him to perform his political function with consideration of the needs of every single living being on this planet, but he decided not to listen to me. He proved that he can not be trusted and that there is no point of loosing any more time by trying to arrange a meeting with him. This is why I have decided to enter the politics also myself, since it is hard to find someone who is completely self-hones and is willing to listen. Many have large ego issues and are failing to make the necessary change that would stop this system of abuse in this world. Slowly but surely, I will do my best to be the one that can be trusted completely and to work for the benefit of all life equally.

1. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be fooled by nice word of others, feeling good when they would praise me and my work, instead of realizing that those people are masters of emotional manipulation and that their starting point is only self-interest.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that becoming rich is the goal that I also need to achieve and that money is the result of being committed and obliging person, instead of realizing that money in this system is the result of deceiving and exploiting others, and that what matters in self-honesty at all times, since we are all inter-connected, a part of one reality and in the long run, all can be provided only if we cooperate and share all the resources equally.
   
   
3. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself the feeling of resentment after I lost my swimming club business, since I also changed my suppliers many times without explaining them why. What I must do is let go of all my past, any single attachment to my work, remain here in breath and maintain awareness that the change is the only constant in this reality and that I need to accept it the way it is, without any expectations of how reality must be.
   
   
4. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to admire any person, defining it as something more than myself and producing the feeling of adoration, instead of realizing that I am equal to any person, that I can also achieve any goal if I want to, and that what it counts is not what goals anyone achieves, but what is the person as the living being, how it is aligned with the principle of equality and how it supports all life as one and equal.

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