Day 79: Blogging resistance backchat

Since I committed myself to write each day a blog post, I am throughout day thinking about when shall I write it. Would it be best to write it in the morning or in the evening or some time in between? And then there is also a question about what to write about and what language to write in.

I understand that there are many point that I need to transform but it is not very fun to do this process. I would rather do other things, like watching a movie or sleeping or taking a walk in the woods. There are many event in the day where I subconsciously emotionally react but the reactions are so small and so quick that I am not able to register. Meaning, I am at that time occupied with doing some activity where I do not feel like stopping it and writing down a not what I have reacted upon. But I will have to do that if I want to stop the reactions and be able to stay here all the time.

When I would want to do some writing, also my eyes become tired and I become sleepy. I noticed that there is a video interview about tired eyes in the Eqafe store and I plan to purchase it when my credit card will be functional again in order to learn what is the cause of that and how to prevent this. I admire some people that I have been talking with lately who are able to work and direct themselves and do not need a lot of sleep. I could reduce my sleep extensively but I need to motivate myself more. If one is motivate, it can hardly wait to wake up in the morning and continue the projects, however I am not very glad waking up in the morning and doing the activities I planned to execute. I will dig more in order to find out how to be more motivated and productive.

Day 78: Self-forgiveness on envy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel envy towards my friend instead of realizing that each feeling is my self-created energy of the mind, produced by thought of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that FaceBook post of new development of the product are the sign of succes and profit instead of realizing that one can never know the financial situation of someones business based on any post.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be spiteful and angry towards my friend since he threatened me last time we met instead of realizing that emotional reactions of someone are his own creation and responsibility and nothing to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be better than others and prosper more than others instead of realizing that we can only live here in this reality as equals, with everybody having their needs met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed not to give my friend a feedback about his product so he can improve it and fix the problems instead of realizing that feedbacks and communication is necessary for all to create better world as soon as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to give way to energy of good feelings and stay cozy while working on my own instead of realizing that geting over good feelings and collaborating with other as a team is the best way to achieve my goals of heaven on earth.

Day 77: My envy towards my close friends

Days from 74 to 76 are in my Slovenian blog

Today I noticed a post of my friend, more specifically, the business FaceBook page of my friend's product that he is being developing and marketing for past couple of years. When I noticed the post of the new model of the product, where he associated the natural resources of our country with his product, I became judgmental towards him.

My friend gave me once a sample of his product and I have been using it for a while. His product advertised as natural and environmentally friendly, however some of his components are not such. For example the product of his that I was using had a component that in time became more and more smelly and thus I stopped using it. Then I also do not like some other versions of his product where he also uses some artificial and oil-based material that smells.

And the last time that I met him in person was where I wanted to present his some new business opportunity and he then reacted with warning that he will not talk with me again if I do it again since I surely must know that he is very busy and focused only on development of his product. At that time when he threatened me, I somehow felt angry since he did not shared my point of view, but at the same time I also admired him for his dedication and focus on his product.

I want to be successful at my projects and after reading some books about people who were very successful, I found out that all were very emotional and end expressed their dissatisfaction when events would not turn out as expected outward very violently. However they would not project this energy onto others, but then focused on the potentials and engaged them. I on the other hand see myself as not very emotional or at least not outward expressive, but introversive character. I thus am afraid that I do not possess proper qualities to fulfill my projects properly.  

Day 73: Overcoming mind energetics

Since I moved in the new apartment and am again living single, some old patterns reappeared that sabotage my life and lower my success in achieving desired goals. I experience resistance to learning, I lack of self-discipline and I indulge in watching movies and also temptations of masturbating while watching port are becoming more and more seductive.

For example I have errands to do and then I start to think about everything that I would have to go through in order to accomplish them. I imagine things that I will have to do but I do do not like them very much and thus my mind becomes cloudy and I experience tiredness and sleepiness. However instead of focusing or resting in order to clarify things, I usually decide to watch some YouTube video. Sometimes this could be bunch of short funny videos or even movies that are about 2 ours long.

When watching movies I have a bad feeling due to thinking that I am vasting my time however I also feel good due to nice pictures, scenes, drama and action in the movies. It is my way of running from the reality, of reseting, however I understand that this is not the solution. Usually after finishing watching some cool movie, I again become sad that the movie already ended so I immediately pick another one and watch it until I feel satisfies enough and it is so late that I feel very bad and I finally decide to go to sleep.

Also since I moved I did not continue to read any book. I feel that reading books is too boring comparing to watching movies. There is no color, no movement and no sounds when reading a book and it is also annoying since the letters are so small and I have to turn pages. However I am learning that reading is essential for self-empowerment and self-realization. Leader are always readers. So if I want to achieve my goals, I will have to change my habits extensively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think about things that might happen in the future if I decide for certain project or job instead of breathing effectively, staying here and moving step by step and allowing myself the opportunity to see what will actually happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to when I experience tiredness to start watching movies or even masturbate instead of calming down, resting and focusing and then continue with thing that I have planned to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to stop reading instead of realizing that reading each day and expanding my vocabulary each day is very important for creating a habit of self-education and enlarging my ability to focus that will result in being more successful in all areas of my life.

Day 72: Managing priorities

In the past several days I participated in the evening class and I would thus wake up late in the morning. I planned to spend couple of ours per day to integrate the information that we learned and I wondered when would be the best time to do this.

In the morning when I woke up I felt like there is more than enough time left in day that I could do also some other errands however then time went by so quickly that I was left with just an hour of time to practice knowledge integration. So from now on I will do my practice first time in the morning and then only do other errand if enough time is left.

Day 71: Resistance to learning by hearth

I am taking a class where we are to learn some text by hearth. Firstly we are to learn some key phrases and then we learn some expanded text as addition to the key phrases. As long as I remembers, I have had a resistance to learning by hearth, especially numbers, like years and dates or PIN codes. It is not that I did not find myself incapable of remembering information but I lacked the motivation to remember.

For example at history class we were to remember a lot of year and dates in relation to some major world events. The resistance to learning such information was there since firstly I was not given any example how memorizing this kind of information will benefit my life and how I would be practically be able to use this information in my future years of life, and secondly because I was aware that basically everything that is taught in schools is a lie as the history is written by winners in wars, thus it shows only limited perspective on what happend and the whole school curriculum is used to create certain mentality of the citizens so that they are in sort of hypnosis, not being aware and thus also not caring about what currently exists in this world.

So now I am studying information that is from more reliable source and is in best interest of all the humanity but I still have this resistance and lack of motivation. The first fact that creates resistance in me is that we are learning information in English but later I will be mostly or only be using this information in our national Slovenian language. Thus I will have to then firstly translate the texts and then learn the Slovenian text by hearth. I don't know if I will later even again be practically using the English memorized information in real life so I find it kind a waste of time to lear it in English. 

The second point is that we are to learn and memorize text by hearth where every single word is very specific and important. I always had a resistance towards memorizing information by hearth, like poems in the primary school and mathematical equations and it was also due to lack of motivation. And generally, as many other peers experience, I had problems with learning due to ineffective schooling system where there were too much children in one class, the method of teaching was ineffective and we were all terrorized and threatened with low grades and punishments, so the whole schooling experience was very unpleasant and stressful.

Where I now have to learn new information, the learning environment is much more kind and supportive, however there is still a time pressure, conditioning and money pressure. It would be cool to learn if there would be no deadline and if I would live in a system where my survival would be unconditionally guaranteed. However I am taking this class due to money motivation and fear motivation and my success in the class will also result in my succes of being able to earn money and thus guarantee my survival in this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my past experiences of schooling to influence my new experience of learning instead of effectively breathing, staying here, focusing on the material and integrating it successfully. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be angry at class organizers who demand from me to learn information in English and not my local Slovenian language, instead of realizing that at this stage the learning of the knowledge involves participants from all parts of the world who also have different native languages and we all have to use the most used language which is English in order to communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to loose motivation to learn the information in English due to believing that I will not be able to apply it in my everyday life, instead of realizing that also if I learn something in foreign language, I can explain and translate information to anybody in real time and that learning this way is the only way where I can be supported and given experience of structured learning that I will then be able to share with others in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear that I will in the future forget the information that I will be spending hours to learn and that there must be more effective way of use of my time, instead of trusting myself and pushing through the resistance as I am at this time not able to motivate and direct myself effectively.

Day 70: Self-forgiveness on perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be the best of the group and thus compete with other peers for speed and high points instead of realizing that life is not about being better than other but about collaboration and mutual support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the feeling of fear of judgement which is in fact wanting to be perfect in the eyes of the others instead of realizing that each one of us is any time in certain level of integration of some knowledge or skill and comparing yourself to others is pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to quietly in my mind criticize others and comparing myself to others and then feeling good due to conclusion that I am much better at some skill than others instead of realizing that we all have different skills, history and physical predispositions thus believing that each one must have the same skills is crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being judged if I ask some question and thus exposing that I do not know something instead of realizing that I will only be able to learn if I ask questions about the things that I not know without worrying about what other people would thing about my question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed not to expand my vocabulary and stay at my current level of vocabulary and word definitions instead of realizing that the reality is vast and complex and that I will only be able to understand the world and myself by knowing new words that would allow me to ask questions and communicate clearly and precisely about what I would like to know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the mind energies of highs and lows to direct me instead of me directing myself and moving based on the principle.

Day 69: Fear of forgetfulness

Today I will start attending a seminar which will be quite intense. My biggest fear is that I will not be able to keep up with the peers, that I will not be able to commit all the information to memory and that I will forget the knowledge quickly.

I fear that I will be judged by the educator, that I will be evaluated and found not good enough and thus removed from the group. I am question what is the best method of learning and what works best for me. Ever since high school I have not been involved and any serous study. I researched a lot on my own, I am basically learning every day, but the learning has not been structured and automatized as the course that I will be attending. 

I do not like the pressure and being forced into learning certain information in certain time span equally with my other peers. I want freedom, feeling relaxed and having fun. However this kind of approach is also not very effective in terms of best use of my time. Self-motivation to learn is very difficult to build up so I am looking forwards to the systematic approach where I will learn more in less time.

Day 68: Sharing the washing machine

In the new small apartment I do not have a washing machine. The apartment I rent was advertised as equipped with all the necessary equipement, thus I also expected to have a washing machine. I asked the landlady about how will I be washing my laundry and we made and agreement that I will be allowed to use her washing machine until I would buy my own.

Today enough of laundry accumulated to fill one washing machine so I asked the landlady if she can wash it. This was also the last day after she would travel abroad for couple of days, so I wanted to make sure that the laundry would be done in time before she left. So she did allow me to go to her bathroom, I used my own washing powder and switched on the machine. After two hours she gave me a ring and told me that washing is completed. I went to pick the laundry and hanged it on the terrace in the middle of sunny Sunday.

I also discussed with my landlady how uneconomic it is for each apartment to have its own washing machine since at least I do not use it more that two hours per week thus it would be better if the whole house would have just one machine and we would share it. But we have became so used to individuality and separation that for the most of the people this would require too large change of the mindset. But let's face it, this kind of arrangement would be much better for all and also for the environment. 

We already started to share a lot of thing. For example, we have public transportation, public roads and other infrastructure and the latest city acquisition is the city bicycle sharing network. This is a nice step towards the realisation that we in fact do not need to poses things in order to use it. So in the future we just need to expand this concept as wide as possible and implement it at all points of our life. And the quickest way to make this true is by implementing the political solution of an Equal Money System.

Day 67: Uncertainty about the future

Days from 64 to 66 are in my Slovenian blog.

I planned to go around my new neighborhood in these days in order to know the people who live here and to introduce myself and my new services. I prepared a brochure with different sorts of services that I would offer, from babysitting, teaching computer skills, English language, to graphic and web design services all the way to trimming bushes and cleaning suages. But then I started to doubting about the impression that I would make and if it would not be best if I reduce the services to similar types and not be to vague. Also the rainy storms are appearing and this also prevented me to go around and nock on the doors of the neighbors.

Someone called me two days ago and expressed the interest to buy one of my computers that I am selling online. If I would make a sale in monday as predicted, I would get enough money to pay the rent in time and this possibility removed the worry about where I would come with enough money. However now I am worried if the person would loose interes and change his mind and then I would be in trouble. So until Monday I would not know for sure how things will develop.

Then on the Monday evening also some training starts and will be ongoing for several days thus I do not want to fill my schedule too much since I want to reserve enough time for learning. Thus I now decided to finish some additional ads for the stuff and stock that I want to sell. However I am not very fun of searching all the invoices and extracting the purchased price in order to set the sales price. I am not excited at all and feel very heavy and sleepy. This could also be the influence of the weather. Thus I occasionally escape by watching movies.

Well, I do make some progress, slowly but surely and expect that everything will turn out just fine. I plan to discipline myself more, change my thinking and behavior patterns however I feel great resistance. I am breathing a lot, sorting out financial papers and building my new dream-board and action plan.

Day 63: Settling into new apartment

I can not believe it. After boxes and boxes of stuff given away, I today still filled two large boxes of tuff that I will be giving away and I still have about 6 boxes of stock material in the previous apartment and the full bedroom and the full living room there. I moved from 100 square meter apartment to 30 square meters apartment so one third of the previous apartment. And I felt like previous apartment was not even half full of stuff. And I am also surprised about how much time I spend for moving. I imagined that couple of days will do but it is almost two weeks since the beginning of moving out.

I experience that everything I do takes much more time than in previous years. Everything moves so slow. The main problem is that I find it more difficult to earn money that in the past. I remember my perception about 5 years ago where I would have a feeling like I am not working at all, just having fun and spending much of my time for self-research, reading books and attending workshops. And money would simply come without any trouble. I had so much orders that I had to specialize. But then something changed and orders started to fall in numbers. Is this due to so called “financial crisis”, or is it something else?

Well previously my parents assisted me a lot financially. I just had to focus on my work and they would handle the business. They also helped me to get my own apartment so I had not a lot of fixed monthly costs. Thus I was able to work relatively little and earn a lot. They say “It is not how much you earn but how much you save that makes you rich”. And I see now this to be true. After selling my apartment I moved to big expensive apartment without effectively tracking my business finances. I imagined that it would be the same as before, especially since I moved to capital city where people have more money and are much more opened for business.

But unfortunately my expectations did not come true. It was an interesting bunch of circumstances that influenced the outcome. Firstly the study of psychology took much more time that I expected. Then the online store management did not turn out like I planned. Next the delivery of equipement for my photo studio took 7 instead of 1 month due to natural disasters in Japan and China. Also my ex girlfriend did not collaborate with me but decided for another high school and she also influenced me with her mind patterns of modest living without any big ambitions. And they say “You have attracted or created everything in your life” thus you must take self-responsibility for past events.

And so I do. Tomorrow I continue with sales activities of the stock from my online store, I have some other personal stuff for sale and I will use any opportunity to earn money. I could can do many things. From graphic design to photography, web design and development, even gardening. I remember how I in the beginning when I started my own business 13 years ago it was spring and I went around the neighborhood offering to trim bushes and trees. I am also able to do small home repairs and many more. I learn quickly and do my work in high quality. However wonder in to what level should I try different businesses and to what extent should I remain focused on the new direct sales business that I have been developing for the last 4 months? It would be strange if I would go tomorrow around my new neighborhood and offer to trim bushes and then visit them couple of weeks later in suit and tie trying to sell them some very different product. Or would they not mind at all? Well well see.

Day 62: I received the Knowledge

Today I received the so called Knowledge. This is a couple of techniques that Prem Rawat Maharaji is teaching and whoever accepts this Knowledge is must pledge not to reveal this techniques to anyone else and not to share its experiences with using the knowledge with anyone. So I will also not reveal what I have been taught but only discuss my backchat about his issue.

Now this Knowledge is about peace, about breath and it is to be practiced at least one hour per day in order to “give it a fair chance”. Since there are many of techniques for achieving peace and tranquility I wonder which one to use and what is the most effective? There is only 24 our in a day. And if one is sleeping for 8 hour per day, there is only 16 hours left. One hour is thus 1/16 or about 7% ob daily effective time. Also many of these peace techniques are part of the White Light deception and can seem very nice and peaceful, however it transform people to inactive state where sure the individuals who practice techniques become peaceful, however they also do not care about others and the consequences of their actions.

From my experiences it is quite easy to calm down, to take self-responsibility for your emotions. So becoming peaceful within is not something that can be a major goal for me. I am more interested in other aspects of this reality that are mostly unnoticed by New Age and spiritual aspirants. Thus I find Desteni I Process and Equal Money System as the most complete solutions to biring peace and abundance for all living beings. It is more important to specifically transform your thinking and behavior pattern with full awareness and self-responsibility and to change the world system by political means than simply doing some breathing and attention focusing techniques without practically changing anything. 

Day 61: Illusion of everything is OK

It is interesting, how many people that I spoke to would like to live quiet simple life, without caring for others. They say that others have their own karma and they need their own experiences in order to grow. And the bigger the life struggles, the bigger the motivation to change and improve life. This is mostly true, since some are like in a state of sleep and unaware of what is going on on this world until some big problem happens.

But can't here be another way? Why can not take care for each other in spite living a relative great life? The mind energies of good feelings and limited range of our human senses keeps us in the state of separation and not realizing the consequences of our actions. And so much distractions, like TV, radio, ads, magazines and other people who want attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be in state of contentment due to illusion of separation and resting and doing nothing much to change in this world and thus allowing the cycle of invisible abuse to continue.

I commit myself to constantly be aware of the real situation and motivate myself to move myself towards creating the world system where a dignified life for all will be guaranteed.

Day 60: Confusion about using the mind

In the past several years of self-discovery I have read a lot of books and digital content that describe how human function and how is bets to live and function on this world. There terminology used was the mind, consciousness, awareness, ascension, enlightenment, higher self, chakras, afterlife etc. Now when discovering Desteni material I was able to become more clear about some phenomena and structures about humans, however there are still many things that I am confused about.

There is specifici terminology used at one source that I am studying from and there is different terminology at the other source. Both sources are attractive for me since one is very revolutionary in terms of interdimensional research and the other is a source of practical information about how to be successful in the current system. From one perspective mind is not to be used but only the physical or the the physical mind. One is not to create energy of emotion and be energetically stable within however some suggets the use of emotional energy to focus and effectively create and move things in this reality. I will have to research more of the material available and engage in chats or forums in order to clarify this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think and be confused about things instead if asking people who have information and ability to clarify things.

I commit myself to when and as I have some question that I am not able to answer myself, I contact people who can assist me and thus come to clarity.

Day 58: First night in the new apartment

Today will be the first night that I will spend in the new apartment. I am physically exhausted and I will still need a couple of days to clean the old apartment and to put all the thing int place in the new apartment.

Day 57: So much stuff

Heavy lifting of the furniture was my main occupation today. I am moving to apartment that is on third of the current size, I have donated many of my furniture however there were still a lot of pieces left for transportation. The new neighbor assisted me and I rented a van for couple of hours. And I will still need to make at leas two trips with my car tomorrow in order to move the remaining stuff.

 

Day 56: Physical tiredness

Today I was moving to the new apartment. Me and my friend made two two trips, cleaned the new brought many heavy boxess full of stuff to the new location. I can not believe how much things I have and I will be giving or sellin out most of them. My whole body hurts and I am not in the mood of writing much, just a short report.

Day 55: Japan influence

Today I went to the city center and noticed a special exhibition in the mall display window that was dedicated to Japan. I observed the Kimono and Yukata dresses and I remember how many times I desired to be dressed like Japanese. Dresses like Yukata are very cozy and simple to wear, not like typical western clothes with belts. Also the Japanese footwear is much more healthier than western ones which suffocate the foot.

Why do we wear so unhealthy clothes that inflict pain to human physical body? I also was for some time at Hare Krishna movement and was also very excited about wearing typical Indian clothes like Dhoti. How can we claim to be the most civilized people and do not reflect the common sense by producing clothes that is nice to the body?

I invite everyone to think about this. Why wearing something juts to fit the society and culture? Why not producing clothes that best fit the body, that is functional and then only should we decide how to design it also to look cool. All is connected to money and to social brainwashing. I suggest to engage in the Desteni I Process online course and then to apply Equal Money System political agenda that would change our society into something where only the best clothes will be produced.

Day 54: Price attitude

Day 53 is in my Slovenian blog

Today I sold my other iPhone 4 that I used for a backup in case if my primary mobile phone device breaks. However I did not use it much, so now I decided to sell it. I created online ad on one of the major online service for selling previously owned goods in Slovenia. Just couple of minute after I placed the add, I started to receive phone calls, SMS messages and email from the people who were interested in buying my iPhone. I was amazed about how people had different approaches and what they put priority to.

My iPhone was 2 years old and I checked my competition by going through the rest of the ads for the iPhones. I found out that for my model of the phone the ads were 200 to 300 € for the device. Since my device was as new and without any physical damage, I decided to put the price of 240 €.

One of the first prospects was I younger boy who wanted to buy the phone for his girlfriend. He lived just a block away and wanted to buy the phone immediately but for the maximum price of 190 € which was not enough for me. 

However a couple of hours later I man in his forties called me and said that he would like to buy the phone for his wife if the device is really in such good condition as I stated in the ad. I confirmed and he came with his car from a city one hour of drive away and payed for the full price of 240 € that I offered.

What surprised me was that he explained why he decided to buy the phone from me. He said that he checked the ads and that he did not want to buy the phone that had too low price from since he associated lower price with the lower quality and worse condition of the phone. So he was willing to pay for a but more and to take one hour drive in order to get the better phone.

What alined with his statement is also that he was driving a good brand and model of the car so he was a very successful person. So one can see that the attitude towards others is very important since if you put the priority on the price and nothing more, that you resonate fear and you are not able to generate much income. However successful people put the priority on the quality and are able to generate enough money to buy products of good products.

What goes around come around. So let us all change our thinking patterns so that a dignified life for all will be the priority. Check out the Desteni I Process and the Equal Money System as the effective practical solution to achieve abundance for all humans, animals and plants on this planet.

Day 52: Renting contract signed

Finally! Today I signed the renting contract and I felt relieved since until a written agreement was made, I was not sure if the apartment that I picked out will be ok to move in. I already went to the local administrative office and changed my permanent address of living. However I will have to wait for couple of days before the current tenant moves out.

My ex girlfriend came to visit me and she will help me packing and moving out for couple of days. This is very nice of her and I appreciate this very much. She would like us to stay together, however an effective and supportive relationship constitutes more than just the I love you words and sex.

My father will also assit me financially in order to move to the new apartment and today we spoke on the phone for more that half of hour. He gave me a lecture and wanted to explain what I did with all the money from selling my apartment. But basically he did not want to know this. He just wanted to be right and to feel good.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to bring me in situation where my parents would need to assist me since I learned to be obedient and allow my parents to take care of me,

I commit myself to develop self-leadership skills and manage my finances well. I commit myself to stop listening to people who don't want me to change, who do not care for other living beings and build a network of people who care and support each other as equals.

Day 51: Moving out to new apartment

Yesterday I was about to sign a renting contract with owner of apartment and then he called me that he would not be able to giva his apartment for rent since he is not yet correctly recorded in the land register. So today I had to check again the rest of online real estate ads and make some additional calls. Some apartments were not available anymore, some people did not answer the call, some were too much outside the desired area, some were available only for students and some only for females, some had no photos attached, but after couple of hours of phone calles I finally found one that fits the price range, the location and the quality of interior.

I called the landlord and it was a polite older woman who answered. I asked if it is possible to look at the apartment in one hour and she confirmed. In about 20 minutes I arrived and it was a nice neighborhood of quite new houses. She accepted me nicely and showed me the interior. It was very nice, with new furniture, cool kitchen and cute bathroom. We immediately connected and after a couple of minutes of chat we were like old friends. Very different from my current landlord who does not care what I do as long as she gets the money. This is also why I want to move out since I do not want to give money to the person who does not respect me and what I do.

Now I have to prepare the renting agreement and tomorrow morning I expect to have it signed and then I will be fully focused on packing my staff and transporting it to the new location. Since I am moving to much smaller apartment with furniture already placed, I will be selling or giving out a lot of my current furniture. Some of my friends has been assisting me yesterday and today in the photo shoot of the biggest furniture peaces and I will prepare the online ads for them soon. I will have to think all the details about what things to keep and what not. This will be a cool cleaning project where I will get rid of a lot of stuff that I have stopped using due to change in my lifestyle and sort of business.

What I found strange is a great resistance towards activities of preparing the ads and packing things. The day after tomorrow a new tenant will come to look at my current apartment and I don't know if they would want to buy any of the furniture that I have. Also I don't know if I should keep some of the products that I was selling before or if I should sell them as soon as possible. Tomorrow my ex-girlfriend will come for a visit in order to assist me with packing. Moving to the new place is certainly a big step in everyone's life and this will be the sixth move in my life. However I will be having just one third of my current monthly costs and this will allow me to create more profit in order to invest in the development in my business. After the new projects will be fully running, then moving to bigger apartment or business office will be in play again.

Day 50: Results of social experiment

Today I want out in the public and continued to spak with unknown people. I acted confidents and I was able to connect with several people very well. It was kind of miracules situations. Some called it sinchronicity, some called it coincidence, some call it luck.

It is strange how one can change and be master of its behavior and how one is able to influence other based on self-direction. One can act as the powerless victim of current situation or one can take control of its emotions and behave as it chooses. And simply by changing the attitude, different opportunities are being activated and different results are the consequence of this behavior. 

Day 49: Social experiments

For the past couple of days I have been watching YouTube movies of some guys and group of guys who shoot movies like candid camera doing unexpected things to people and recording their responses. Some of them are also intended to teach what are effective and ineffective ways of picking up girls. This made me question myself what to do now after I split with my last girlfriend.

My past life was focused on doing things for the school, for the business, and I never really experienced a typical phase of intense dating and having sexual experiences with different women. I have been intimate with several women but those were like random events and mostly not consciously initiated from my side. I dated mostly girls that were ok, but none of them was not so attractive as some that I have observed in my life but was too scared to talk to.

I am now pushing me to overcome this fear of talking to girls I like by learning some effective approaches that some guys from YouTube demonstrated. It is all about being hones, confident and expressing power. The looks are not so much important as persistance and not showing any fear. Today I went on the streets for the first time and initiated conversation with different people. I did not stumble upon any very attractive girls due to some rainy storms however I created a friendship with five people that I never met before. I will continue experimenting tomorrow.

Day 48: The shortest blog post

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Day 47: A new promising Slovenian political party

Today I had a first meeting with a leader of the new Slovenian political party called Združeno Slovensko Ljudstvo (United Slovenian People). The conversation was very exciting and we exchanged personal experiences and ideas for 5 hours. From all the new political parties that were established recently, the leadership seem to best resonate with Desteni ideas and I see a great opportunity here in order to start engaging in the political activities in our country in order to gain experiences.

The political party was established as the answer to the problems around second biggest Slovenian city Maribor where political corruption has been exposed and escalated to the level of violent street protests. However it was realized that using force is not the best way to solve the problems. Thus some people got smart and decided for a political approach.

It was amazing to find out how terrible painful life experiences shaped the leader of the ZSL party, from domestic abuse of step father who was an alcoholic to traffic accidents, corruption on the working place and not getting payed for months, to exploitation from the side of his life partner and even a suicide attempt. Such events drive people to a state of fearlessness since they have nothing more to loose.

However in this case the ZSL leader is also a very smart and opened person who started to connect with people throughout the country, creating a intelligence network of informers in order to gather the material proof of corruption and abuse in politics for the future legal processes where are abusers will be put to justice. I appreciate this bravery and initiative since most of the people are just in a state of waiting for some miracle to happen.

It is a shame that our country has climbed the ladder of the most corrupt countries in the world and is now holding the corruption world record. It is estimated that a lot of peoples resources has been sold out to corporations and that a major privatisation even of water resources is being attempted. Workers have been threatened that they will loose their jobs if they engage in protest and thus street protest have diminished.

Our schooling system is raising up youth who take a rewards and bribery as something normal and this habit then escalates when they grow up and engage in the economic and political system. Basically no business is being done without offering some kind of money or some other king of compensation to participants. No one cares about the consequences as long they get their share. So we must start changing our habits and I suggest for everyone to engage in the Desteni I Process online course in order to purify all the accepted and allowed believes and definitions.

Day 45: Motivation research Day two

A fey years ago I experienced like things were moving fast and smoothly. However in last two years I feel like it takes much more time for projects to succeed. Like someone is pushing brakes on the system. People do not respond easily, there is a lot of mistrust, fear, anger, desperation. Or is it just me experiencing the reality this way and thus creating my experiences based on my own image? 

I would like to find out what is the true reality, however this is hard. There is so much false information, lies and deceptions everywhere. Corporations and governments control the media and information flow, they use politics and weapons to enforce law that best suits their self-interest. And if one is to stop all this, a high capacity of information processing is necessary, high self-discipline and awareness, communication skills, managements and organization knowledge, collaboration with other individuals and groups and it looks very challenging. Also money is needed. A lot of money. Money moves things and without money nothing moves. So how to get money?

Incomes and outcomes. Currently I have a lot of fix monthly bills our outcomes. I have to generate a lot of income to create profit. And only the profit is the money that I can then use to move things. However incomes in last few months were basically nothing. So I face a decision. I am not sure how soon and how much income I would be able to generate. Moving to smaller and cheaper apartment seems to be a smart move. Maybe this would also motivate me more. Now in big nice apartment I fell safe and relaxed. Too relaxed. Shall I motivate myself by deliberately lowering my living standars? Is that what I need? An experience that puts me in the position where I do not want to be in order to motivate myself sufficiently to become more active and focused on creating more income and thus also reducing my monthly outcomes? Perhaps.

They say one must squat low in order to jump high. It looks like I do not appreciate enough what I currently have. And I have trouble motivating myself. I am to lazy. It like the story where someone visited a friend and his dog was laying on the porch. While talking to friend, the guy would notice that the dog would grouch from time to time. He asked the friend what with the dog and the friend explained that the dog is laying on a nail. When he asked him why the dog does not move, friend relied that it does not hurt him enough. Maybe I am that dog. Maybe it does not hurt me enough to move. So how much pain and suffering do I need to change, to take action. And why can I not move without pain? This must change.

Day 44: Motivation research

Yesterday morning I made plans for the whole day, writing down exactly what I would do until I would go to sleep. I executed most of the plans as intended but in the evening instead of finishing the day with reading I watched two ward movies that are based on real events. And I also planned what I would do today, including waking up at 06:00 and then engaging in the business activities at 08:00 however due to falling to sleep only around 00:30, I extended my sleep for hour and a half. 

I wonder why war movies attract me so much. I like to watch documentaties about technology, especially big machines, powerful devices, fire, explosions, thunder and destruction. I do not want to harm others and I consider myself as a peaceful guy, however watching how other do heroic actions attracts me very much. I admire those who are fearless and do things for the greater cause, not considering the possibility of loosing their own lives. I also consider myself very fearless, for example I am not afraid of dark and I am not afraid of people that I meet for the first time. However I have a fear of heights and depths and I do not want to drown or to fall from a tall building. Then I also have fears of judgements of other people. So this is very strange how I generally am not afraid of going into action and doing things that others would find very dangerous, however I fear such intangible thing as is the few spoken words that represent opinions of others.

Then in regards writing blogs I decided to wrote at least one short blog per day since I realized that writing is very supporting for myself and that I can not escape from my own accepted and allowed thinking patterns even if I move to the another universe. So facing myself is something that I must do if I want to have peace of the mind and becoming an effective individual in this world. However I find the recommended form of doing self-forgiveness and self-commitment very limiting and robotic. I also become too restless to write ranting and raving and also self-forgiveness in the same blog post. Thus I recently restarted writing blogs by firstly doing ranting and raving in the first blog post and then continued with writing self-forgiveness and self-commitment statement the next day in the second blog post. However in the last couple ob blog posts I even did not wrote any of explicit self-forgiveness and self-commitments.

I find now more and more easy to express myself by writing and the words flow out of me very easily and fluidly. However I know that writing blogs also has I higher purpose and thus a specific structure is suggested. It is suggested to include at least one picture in order for blog to be effectively shared in the social networks, especially to the Pinterest where the content of the post is based on visual representations and thus picture or photo is mandatory. I decided each time to pick a relevant product from the Eqafe store and include the product image in my blog post and link it to the product in the store in order to promote the store. Then it is also recommended to select a few keywords from the blog post text and link it to the Eqafe products. However I did not do that since I did not want to spent additional time by selecting the world and products and thinking what products to include and doing the additional actions. I was afraid that additional activity will cost me too much time and that I will run out of time for doing my daily business activities and earn enough money.

However if I analyze my daily activities, I see that there are still couple of hours left in a day that I could use them for more productive activities. It is not that I do not have enough time, the problem is in lack of motivation in lack of self-movement, missing realization and habit of organizing my life. I was not thought in my family how to effectively manage life, not even in the school we were not taught how to mange personal finance and household, not how to do business and earn money effectively. I had to come up with ideas how things work by trial and error, by observing others and reading books. And I am now in the beginning of understanding what is necessary in order to be effective in life and manifest what I want.

I learned that in order to constantly be motivated, I have to have a goal, a target, a dream, a vision of things that you want to achieve, of kind of person that I want to become. And I constantly have to have this chief aim in front of your mental eyes. So if I ask myself what is my goal, I definitely want to live a better life, to improve this world, however I am generally in state of low esteem and, tiredness and sleepiness. I just want to rest, sleep, live a quiet simple life without much concerns, somewhere in the tropical island with a sandy beach, fresh air and crystal clear water, enjoying the sun, playing with dolphins and other animals in the junge.

However this is only and ideal life from the moves and today avery part of the world is influenced by money, by profit and this world is being destroyed for the interests of big companies. No one can hide to any part of the word and there are problems everywhere. The problems with pollution, the problems of stealing and other criminal activities. Poverty, greed and self-interest forces people to harm each other and destroy this planet. So there is no other way but to firstly change the mentality and expand the awareness of the whole world population in order to be able to live here without fearing each other.

Day 43: Masturbation research

After feeling blue yesterday, I today woke up still with a feeling of dizziness. I asked myself what to do in order to stabilize my inner pressure. I could go to doctors for diagnose and advise however I know how corrupt and ignorant our medical system is and that it can not be trusted. So I remembered how years ago I was able to calm myself down by doing meditation, more specifically pranayama or breathing exercised while sitting in the lotos position. Thus I sat down in the corner of my couch, closed my eyes and focused on breathing while not allowing any thought to distract my attention. Slowly I started to feel a relief and I felt like a burden would be lifted off me. Also the sky outside cleared and the sun started to shine.

Later when I returned home from doing door to door visits I got a desire to experience a feeling of orgasm again. I played with myself already in the shower this morning and researched how touching of different areas of my penis create different feelings. Especially the middle section of the penis head and the borders around penis mushroom cap are much more sensitive than the rest of the penis area.

While touching this erogene zones, I also noticed how these areas are energetically connected to my legs since whenever I would touch the head of the penis, appearance of the pleasant feeling would correlate with the feeling in my legs. This feeling in my legs was similar or identical to the feeling when I would be scared of something. It destabilized my legs and made them soft. So I assume that the energy for creating the feeling of orgasm is in a way produced from the leg area of the physical body.

In most cased in my past I would masturbate while watching movies from some porn web site. However I heard and realized that this kind of masturbation is in long term very destructive in terms of practical relationships and also promotes rape. So I committed myself to remove my addiction to porn and practice only the physical masturbation.

The quickest way for me to experience orgasm is watching move scenes where some guy would have sex with some girl that I find physically very attractive and I would then imagine that I am that guy in the movie having sex with that woman. The next quickest way is to masturbate without watching movie, but just imagining in my mind that I am having sex with some girl that I find attractive. So very shortly after engaging my imagination into masturbation I would be able to experience masturbation very easily.

However the consequences of this kind of masturbation was that after orgasm I would feel tired, sleepy and with a feeling of foggy mind. I found to be true that masturbation that involves imagination fuels the mind and thus suppresses who you are. The consequences are also that after one practices masturbation while watching movies or imagines sex in the mind, it creates a picture association with the feeling of orgasm. Consequently whenever one observes a sex scene in the movie, the photo of naked women in magazine or meets an attractive person in flesh, the desire and lust for orgasm immediately appears.

This kind of energy-picture association is very limiting and harmful for human relationship. It constantly distracts from collaborating and executing daily activities by producing thoughts about how to invite the person that you find attractive to have sex with you. One starts to project the feeling of orgasm onto another person since they have not researched and became aware where the energy of orgasm originates and how it is produced. However the energy of orgasm has nothing to do with other person since it is created by ones own physical body.

So today I also decided to continue the practical masturbation research in order to become more aware that I am fully responsible for the creation of orgasmic energy. I laid on the bed naked and started to rub my penis between my palms using oil. I would be careful not to use any imagination but just experience the feeling of physical touch thus I had my eyes open and directly observed what I was doing. After initial state of good feelings while touching, the pleasant feelings slowly dissipated and the feeling of touching my penis with my hands began to turn in unpleasant and more and more painful feelings.

This kind of experience is to be normal since rubbing the skin for a certain period of time is expected to become painful. However if using the mind, the sex system masks the pain with energy of good feelings until the orgasmic release and ejaculation. But even when using the mind, after orgasm, the penis starts to feel painful also. Thus rubbing and part of the skin of the body starts to destabilize molecular structure and destroys the physical and the body produces the feeling of pain in order to prevent the continuation of the activity before it is to late and the wound is created.

By fully being aware of ones physical actions while masturbating, one can clearly see that the orgasm can also be produced without any involvement of second party. Thus one takes full self-responsibility for the creation of orgasmic energy and does need anymore to seek, persuade, harass or even rape other being in order to experience the orgasm. Anyone at anytime can rub its body and create energy. So I will be researching the orgasm also in the future and I commit myself not to masturbate ever again by watching porn or engaging my imagination. 

Day 42: Blood pressure problem

Day 41 is in my Slovenian blog

Today was a Sunday and I had two in-home presentation scheduled, the first one before noon that took 2 hours and the second at noon and that took 3 hours. When I woke up, I felt strange with a sort of pressure in my head and my hearing was different. I was not able to hear lower tones, just high pitch sound. It was very funny to listen to my own voice.

I then stretched a bit, made a breakfast, read a chapter from a book about communication skills, shaved and showered myself. In the shower I directed a water jet into my ear in order to clear it however it was no change in the tone of the hearing sounds. I was also a bit dizzy, however I decided to execute the scheduled presentation.

I managed to do the presentations with excellence and I am very satisfied with myself. After the last presentation the feeling of dizziness increased. I returned home and made myself a dinner. I simple pasta did the job. Then I was thinking in my condition is sufficient to go out and do some additional door to door visits in order to collect some new contact information and arrange further meetings.

I decided that my condition is not very good and that my body needs a rest. I don't know exactly what seems to be the problem but it is probably related to the air and blood pressure. Today was a dark cloudy weather with some rains and this kind of weather influences me very much. Then there also all the financial obligations could be the cause for subconscious worries that result in increased or decreased blood pressure and a feeling of dizziness. I will see what my state and feeling will be tomorrow.

Day 40: Working all day

Today was the first day of working on the field before noon and in the afternoon. I visited the blocks in the center of the city firstly and then houses near center in order to compare both options. It turned out that visiting blocks or skyscrapers is physically less hard however the structure of the people is not very best for the product I am selling. About houses it also depends if the neighborhood is old or new. There simply is no way of locating where the best target group would live. It is all mixed up and like a lottery. Thus only persistance and quantity of activity will bring results. I am very tired now so today my writing will be a but shorter than usual.

Day 39: The new job breakthrough

In the previous five post of this blog I wrote about my challenges and resistances in regard to my new job as direct marketer who does house visits and in-home presentations. My mentor supported me with suggestion what is the best approach, what works and what not. Yesterday I printed the teaser cards and today was the first day that I used them. But before I was able to go out, I also needed a system of tracking which apartments I visited, and what were the results of the visit so I would not nock again on the doors of residents who were not interested and that I would be able to visit again those apartments where nobody was home at time of my visits. So I created a table that enables me to track all the necessary data. And for the finish I just had to think out how to create a composite folder that would hold the forms, cards and the table nice and simple which I was then able to construct just fine.

In the afternoon, when people returned from the jobs, I continued to visit the block neighborhood that I engaged a day before yesterday. I managed to collect the first couple of contacts that I will call by phone tomorrow and arrange a date for the presentation. However I realized the neighborhood that I picked was pretty poor and will not be the best target group of people for the product that I am selling. So the next step is to scout the city and find out where the more wealthy people live.

Today after thee hours of nocking on the doors and talking to the people I became very tired. I planned to work for four hours but I was not able do to increasing pain in my shoulders. And I also became sleepy and mentally tired. However after I returned home, I decided to run through the park and city center in order to release the stress. I see that running is a very beneficial exercise for me and that yesterday's exercise also very assisted in releasing tension in my back. So I did the same today and will be doing this every day also to get in the better condition that would enable me to do the job activities effectively.

I also managed today to solve some crucial issues with the suppliers of the basic necessities that threatened me to cancel the agreement and stop the delivery. Those points bothered me very much and I am glad that I was able to come with agreement. I am somehow glad for this experiences of lack of money and not being able to cover all the costs since this gave me the necessary motivation for creating a lifestyle where I would not have to experience this again. I am now raising from the ashes and plan to fly high. The whole day I constantly listen the education material from the prive success club that I am member in order to change my thinking and behavior patterns.

There are some small but powerful things that each must do in order to attract or better say create a big success. One must have a goal, a vison, a chief aim that drives him forward. Without a target you have nothing to aim at and thus nothing changes. And the most important of all is to think about this chief aim all the time, to have it constantly in your mind. One can achieve this by creating a visual accessory that represents this goal and place it on all the places where you will be able to see it all day. So you can place it in the bathroom, in the car, in your wallet. This is a very simple but powerful habit and basically no one use it since it ti so simple. Now it is my turn to discipline myself in making this practice a reality in my life and observe if there will be also a big change in my life due to this tool.

Day 38: Additional challenges in regards to the new job

This morning I also had a visitor to my office who very resonated with the projects and groups that I am involved with. He was very excited about all the potentials and wanted to know what is the next step. So I gave him some additional materials that he will be able to research. Then also I young boy returned some educational material that I lent to him a couple months ago and he said that the reason for the return delay was due to discovery of cancer at his family. Since he believed in the modern medicine I enlightened him about the lies, deceptions and the corruptions that is especially dominant in the pharmaceutical industry and suggested him to read the Natural Cures book. And the information that shocked me yesterday that our Slovenia country currently holds the world record in the level of corruption based on the research of Ernst & Young. However in spite of the extreme amount of the FaceBook post that criticize the elite who apparently completely robbed out our country, and talks about financial crisis, current level of unemployment is still only 12% and that means that 88% of people have jobs. So this is definitely a stimulating information that would motivate me in being more confident about my sales activities.

In spite of all my effort to clear all the accepted and allowed negative believes about how the world state is, about the lot of money being too much temptation for anyone to handle, it seems that the mental pressure accumulated in the middle of my spine and it gives me not yet painful, however unpleasant feeling that distracts my attention, especially when I go to bed. Today in the afternoon I finished some new promotional material and planned to go out and do some new house visits, however in spite of nice weather, I started to feel a little dizzy. I had to lay down into bed and rest. From time to time I also experience heart arrhythmia if I think about certain things. I guess I worry to much about how things could come out. In most cases I simply focus on my breath and forgive myself the thought and the pulse stabilizes. However today when lying in bed, I felt like the pressure would be to low and my hearth would stop beating. Maybe this is because sometimes I just want to give it all up. I ask myself why do I bother doing all this, is there really no life possible without worries. Can there really be no place on earth where people are nice, the food is in abundance, and all can simply enjoy and express themselves?

Yesterday I watched a documentary titled Slaves of Dubai that exposes terrible working conditions of about 2 million imported workers from India who were promised a good salary, however immediately after arrival to Dubai, their passports were taken, they now have to work in very harsh conditions for low salary and most of them have not been payed for several months. I also watched a few war movies in the past few days that made me think about how stupid we are since we have to fight each other. And today I watched a movie about the Canadian supersonic military jet Arrow that was terminated purely due the egotistic political interests. This movie made me think how big some are able to dream and how great thins are possible to achieve it he pople work together.

I went then out in late evening when it was already dark to run across city park and streets. I wanted to relieve the accumulated tension in my back. I was surprised about the quantity of young visitors in the park and then soon find out why since the music started to become louder and louder. There was some rock music band having a concert and thousands of people occupied the park. However I did not want this to distract me and continued with the running towards the city center.

So it is quite silly in some way observing my mental resistances. I could be very glad for all that I have received in my life. Some have nothing to eat and suffer pain, diseases and war. However some control multibillion projects and employ thousands of people. I am now to decide what I want out of my life. I want more, however I will have to change from within. I think that currently what stopps me from moving forward is my bad feeling about charging others. My believes that one has to work hard and suffer in order to get the money. My new business could bring me good money if I do the work correctly and I am in a way already lazy due to thinking that I will be able to earn a lot of money very easy. It is a moral thing where I ask myself what is fair and what not. Why can some have to suffer for a couple of dollars per day, and some can earn or win millions in no time? Where is justice, where is equality? Is it justifiable that those who do more responsible jobs are to earn more? Are those who have low income really fully responsible for their low income? I there a god who controls everything? Is there a law of karma, the low of attraction or creation? Breathe!

Day 37: Resistance to the new job finally overcamed

Today in the morning I had a meeting with a new interesting person who is also very in self-research and improvement. Two hours of conversation went by very quickly and I was to face again the next step of my sales activities. I was to restructure the presentation narrative and then also realign the presentation flip-chart graphics which I also did. I took me a lot of decision making how to design all the material for the best impact. In the afternoon when I was to go out and arrange in-house visits, the storm clouds accumulated and rain with thunder stoke from the skies.

At the same time as the storm raged, my mind lost its stability. A slight fear and dizziness appeared in my head and was disappointed due to estimation that I will not be able to execute the visits that I planned. I lied down on the bed and started to think about how long will it take me to even start the new job properly and when I would actually make the first sale. The whole process is takin so long, too long. I started to imagine how I will give myself another day to prepare myself even better for the presentation. I said to myself that tomorrow would be the day. However it turned out different.

After on hour of resting in the bed, my head became stable and the rain stopped. I still had about two or three hours left before in would become too late for the home visits. So I sad to myself that it would be the best to make some visits today and thus brake the ice even if I would achieve best results. Most important is to move forward and to gain as much practice as possible. So I dressed up, packed all the presentation and went on the road.

I targeted a small new neighborhood that I knew from before when I was searching for my own apartment in the town a year ago. I found the blocks very nice and expected a lot of young families to live there which is my target population. I started to ring the bells and made the talks. Many of them, about 70% were not even at home which is a usual percentage. I visited two blocks and then decided to stop for today. I did not manage to do any presentation, however I handed out couple of business cards and couple of people were willing to talk to me if I visit them at some other time which is also cool.

In the evening I had a chat with my mentor who evaluated my approach and corrected me for the better effect in the future. I realized how what I said created resistance in other people and what is best to be said in order to collect as much orders as possible. The main point in pre-presentation talks is not to give to much information, but just a little in order to create curiosity. I also met a girl who I found very attractive and now I am thinking if I should do anything to check if she is available and if I should try to  make a connection or if I should focus on business for now.

Anyway, I made progress and I am satisfied with my achievement. I will now push myself every day a step forward until I became excellent and very successful in sales. It is not just about money, what is cool about direct sales is that one develops communication skills and overcomes many fears and resistances that prevent oneself to fully express itself. Physically moving and making live conversation with others is an effective tool for self-realization. Thus I also suggest others to engage in sales activities and experience all the beneficial effects of direct marketing.