Day 210: Restarted writing

It has been almost 2 years since I last supported myself with writing and I see that things accumulated to the point where I need to look at my situation and make some resolutions. I did start with a blog post last year during the plandemic, however, I did not have enough motivation to finish it. One of the contributing factors for not writing sooner is that several months ago my laptop computer got damaged beyond repair so only my desktop computer is available now. I tried to write on it however being in a sitting or standing position is so unpleasant for me that I can not do proper self-reflection. I also tried writing using pen and paper however I found it similarly odd and ineffective. I now finally created a solution where I am in a similar relaxed position as using a laptop computer while using a desktop computer. So the things that I need to address are related to a drastic change in my professional career where I switched from working behind computers to doing manual jobs in people's gardens. In the summer of 2022, I started trimming hedges and I slowly transitioned to bigger trees. The new type of job came with many uncertainties and concerns. One of them was observing the capacity of my physical body to do manual work. While I considered that I gave myself enough rest between jobs I started to experience massive pain in my palm joints on both hands at the end of November.

Since besides the pain my joints also were not closing smoothly it was a very unpleasant feeling grabbing thing and I became worried that I permanently damage my fingers. Luckily after resting for the whole of December the pain slowly diminished and the functioning of the joints became normal again. Thus in January 2023 I slowly started to increase loads to my fingers and observed how they would respond. Sadly the pain came back after doing manual work only for a couple of days and persisted for up to two weeks. Such is the situation until now despite already making some dietary changes that should result in betterment. In February I did research about the causes of pain in small joints. What I found was the information explaining that humans after certain age produce 1% less collagen every year which is necessary for the regeneration of cartilage. So I started to take liquid collagen supplements in the form of ampoules every day that I purchased in a local cosmetics shop. Until now did not experience any noticeable improvement in my joints becoming more resilient so I searched for different options. A clerk at the city pharmacy recommended me some pills with glucosamine that should be more effective and I am looking forward to the effects.

Yesterday I also went to a holistic center called Planet of Health for overall body situation analysis. They are using a special method where at the same time a temperature is measured on the left and right side of your neck, from the left and right armpit and the belly button. After 3 minutes of measurement computer prints 4 pages of data where around 150 parameters are being evaluated. If levels are normal they are colored green, if they are too low, they are blue, and if levels are too high, they are colored red. Then the therapist explains the results in simple terms and makes some questions. The results showed that my blood is pretty good, and that division of my cells is very fact however that I am not digesting and eliminating very well. Also that the temperature in the lower part of my body is too high which also explains the manifestation of lower back pain a couple of weeks ago which is also the reason why I came for a diagnosis. After receiving also some other helpful feedback the therapist recommended starting using some of their products which were cold-pressed oils and high-quality essential oils. I got detailed instructions on how to apply those oils whether by ingesting them pure or mixed with water or rubbing them onto my skin on certain areas. Besides that, I also got extensive nutritional instructions that included a specific vegan diet. Starting today, I am now changing my eating habits to even healthier with the expectation that it will result in me being able to handle physical body strains much better.

However since I realized how the biggest contributing factor to inner imbalance and consequent pain is mind patterns, I am now going to look also into this dimension of my existence. So the general result of the plandemic for me was losing trust in the government even more and thus my willingness to obey laws diminished even further. It is not that I am breaking laws that I see beneficial for public order and safety however I do not have the will to study every single new law and follow it since I even do not possess the capacity to remember them all. Thus I find myself in a position of constant danger that someone would at any time charge me with breaking some law and they would take my money or possessions or put me in jail. As a result, the only effective defense I see is to have as little in my bank account and own as few things as possible. Thus I am here also limiting myself in terms of being able to work commercially so I have to find other ways of covering my needs.

Day 209: Too much on my shoulders

I have been making myself busy as far as I remember and I never get bored. In the initial years of my life, it was my parents who directed most of the things that I was doing, also because we had our own family business. Later I decided to break away and express myself as a professional creative in the field of visual communications. After relationship conflicts made me start reflecting on myself my priorities changed dramatically. In the last couple of decades, I have become more and more selective about what I do and what are the expected outflow consequences of my actions. I carefully decide how to spend every single moment of my life and do my best to contribute to changing this world into what is best for all life. However, a couple of weeks ago I started to feel pain in my shoulder area which is the indication that I fell out of my usual inner balance. So the purpose of this blog post is to gain awareness of what is going on inside of me and to make necessary corrections in order to regain inner harmony.

About a year ago I joined a global movement that resonated with me greatly. Amongst all of the organizations that discovered so far, I estimated that it has the potential to bring the biggest positive change to this world. So I decided to make myself useful in the best way I could considering my abilities. I started to develop a local chapter for that organization which involved the creation of a website and pages, channels, and groups on several social networks, developing a CRM system, and building a mailing list. A lot of work was also with translation from English to Slovenian language. That organization is producing daily news report videos in the length of around 15 minutes and to translate just one of them and to publish it on our website as an article and to then share it on the social networks, takes me around 6 hours. And there are also long Zoom videos that I translate and are from one to even two hours long which takes me a couple of days to translate.

Just in terms of translation, I wonder about the impact and the point of doing such work. It is hard for me to estimate how many Slovenians will benefit from my translations and how it would impact my nation in the long term. The population of our country is just around 2 million which is relatively small compared to some countries where our whole country would fit just in one district of one of their cities. This alone makes me wonder about the point of us having our own language and why do we not adopt English as our main language. In regards to this, some say that the Slovenian language is one of the oldest if not the oldest language on this planet, very similar to Sanskrit and that all the other continental languages developed from it. However, since we are all now communicating globally with increased speed, different languages have become points of separation. And those of us who are in non-English speaking countries have so much additional work to do and spend so much time just with translations that we have much less time to do other things. So just because some countries have implemented English as their main language, they can invest much more time in developing projects and can achieve more than others.

But there are also some benefits from doing translations. When reading, listening, or watching one integrates information just to a certain level. However if one is doing a translation of a body of information, they slow down, take information apart and assemble it again which results in the information being integrated and understood with much more detail and clarity. So while the translation is a time investment for me, I also personally benefit from that process and my awareness expands. Since there is so much information it is of course not possible for me to translate it all and I already experimented with creating a team of translators that would assist with that task. There were some members from or local chapter that volunteered to also do the translations however I took the responsibility of then checking the result of their work. However, the process of me reviewing the translations and performing the edits that I found necessary took me approximately the same amount of time like if I would do the translations myself.

The occurrence of pain in my shoulder area correlates with me being invited into a new translators group on Telegram where I would assist also with doing translation of the content on the new websites related to the global movement that I am now part of. So it looks like I have started to imagine how my workload would significantly increase and that it would definitely be over my capacity. And besides doing the translations, I am currently administrating our website, Facebook page, two Telegram groups, and a channel, writing new website content, doing the graphic design, programming of the online forms, maintaining the CRM system, managing email campaigns for hundreds of subscribers to our newsletters and translations, and many more. I am investing on average over 10 hours of productive work all 7 days of the week to move things forward and it looks like I am doing 95% of all the work in our local chapter group. I have invited others to assist and to take on any of the things that are required to be done but not many responded. Not only that but some even expressed their concern that I am trying to take over our local chapter and use it for my personal benefits which is definitely not true. 

Other chapter members are holding onto many different excuses and justify why they do only as much or nothing as demonstrated so far. Some are busy with their regular jobs and family, some think that our mission is just to wait for the funding from the new global monetary system and then only engage in developing projects, some have concerns and doubts that the movement is legit and that what has been promised will actually be manifested. I cannot blame them since even I in the past joined many groups and movements that promised a lot and delivered a little. There are so many scams going on and we are in times where we are hearing almost nothing but lies on a daily basis from all the mainstream media. So I understand that many have trust issues and struggle with motivation to be part of some group and collaborate productively. Well from my perspective it is the responsibility of every individual to check all the available information, to make use of their intuition, and then decide whom to trust and whom not. I am ready for even the most trustworthy movement that I join to at some point fall apart and to eventually be exposed as deception. However, it makes more sense to me to at least contribute something to things that I currently see as most valid instead of wanting the proof and warranty that things are 100% reliable and that nothing can go wrong. They say a doubt can sink a ship so all the members need to maintain a high level of trust in order to be able to focus on what matters and move towards the goal.

Following the initial ranting and raving, I now progress towards the writing of the specific self-correction statements which I then speak out loud in order to shatter the crystallized mind patterns in my shoulder area that started to create friction and consequent pain in my human physical body tissue:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on doing the translations by myself due to the belief that there is very little hope of finding high-quality translators to do the volunteer work instead of systematically working every day to find them. I realize that whatever my mind is creating as an excuse in order to keep me in the same pattern is pure self-deception. I commit myself to when and as I have a translation project to complete and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Better to do the translation by yourself since all the good translators are already very busy with translating other things and you will not succeed to get them on board as volunteers so best to wait until you will start becoming financed.” to stop and breathe. I then move myself every single day in order to send inquiries to translators and see how they will actually respond.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend most of my time on the local chapter development projects tasks execution due to my enjoyment in combining my skill of graphic design, website development, and English language instead of developing skills of project management and delegating tasks to others. I realize that I am moving towards projects becoming larger and more complex so it is necessary to work on team building since it is not possible to do everything by myself. When and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just do as much as you can do by yourself and wait for others to find their own motivation to join the team and let them equally take initiative in researching what needs to be done and then work on tasks independently.” to stop and breathe. I then move out of my comfort zone of not wanting to communicate much with others, invest time in exciting others for the projects and direct them towards the practical development of the projects.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define translations of uncensored news as a very important component for the organic growth of our mailing list and to mostly focus on sharing translation teasers on online social networks. I realize that there are more effective ways of expanding the email subscription base since a relatively small percentage of all the social network group members have subscribed so far. I commit myself to when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just keep sharing the translation teasers on social networks and trust the fate that the right people will join.” to stop and breathe. I then slow down and take time to research best practices of how to create a big mailing list and measure the effects in order to find out what works best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the technology as a buffer between myself and other people due to seeing others as not taking responsibility for their mental processes to the level of becoming able to communicate with me as one and equal. I realize that I am allowing my past traumatic experiences of being bullied and treated unfairly by others to hold me back from connecting with people on a more personal level. I commit myself to when and as I am considering working with others and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Rather communicate with the others via social networks and emails so that you can quickly block anyone that has become possessed by the polarised patterns of thinking.” to stop and breathe. I then decide to develop a more intimate relationship with people and maintain the high self-trust that I will be able to direct the communication by empowering others to align themselves with the principle of what is best for all.

For all who want to learn how to support themselves with writing, I suggest starting walking the

DIP Lite free online course.

And here are some links to supportive audios from Eqafe related to this blogs post that I also suggest you listen to:

Biting off More than You can Chew

Under pressure

My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak

Who am I as Control

Developing Communication and Expanding Relationships

Everything Must Be Just So

Avoiding People

Lead as an Example in Your Business

Physical Communication

Day 208: Female attraction and me

I have already written a lot about my relationship with females. And the pain in my right testicle that reoccurred yesterday after a very long time is showing me that it is time to look deeply into this point again. I can already conclude that the reaction of the body is the result of my increased communication with three women in recent days. That triggered a lot of thinking about the possibilities of a relationship with any of them and how would it influence my life. In such relationships, I find things that attract me and things that I do not like. And it is also about the prediction of how my life would change according to my observation of other people that entered relationships and experiences in my past relationships with women. The major decision here is whether to have kids or not at my current age and the habit of living alone.

The first thing is that I do not have a strong desire and mission to be a father in terms of having my own human offspring. I could say that the primary reason for that is that I do not identify myself very much with the physical body that I am incarnated in. While some consider their own children as part or extension of themselves, I see kids pretty much as separate beings. I see how kids in the first months and years after they are born need a lot of attention and would redirect the attention from what I am currently doing. And since I am making myself as useful as possible to make this world the best place for all I wonder if having children would significantly decrease my ability to function in such ways. So currently I am functioning more from a position of a holly father meaning that I treat every living being in existence as one and equal, as part of me or as my children. So from the position of awareness that all that can exists is me, I am primarily a father to my creation as one and equal. From that perspective, I have no desire or need to replicate myself even more or to create additional parts of myself in separation from myself. I enjoy solitude and simple life where I can rest and relax any time I desire. So I see any relationship with a woman as something that would create a disturbance of my peaceful life.

Some would argue that it is important for every real man to create a family. Some try to show how it is possible to be a father to human children and at the same time create a relationship with own children from the perspective of oneness and equality. Yet I see that this is only possible if there are certain preconditions existing, where one has a certain kind of mind, ability, and motivation to be a good provider. And also the environment with a lot of economic opportunities plays a role in that. So my current position and location, my past, my structural resonance, my physical environment, and also the current global pandemic are far from ideal parameters for me to engage in a role of a human father. I however am active at a project that is expected to manifest a system that will remove the lack of any basic necessities and then I would definitely reconsider experiencing myself in raising a human child.

There certainly are temptations in regards to women since I am experiencing myself in a male human body that has been programmed to respond to the opposite sex. Sensations such as the experience of orgasm and physical touch definitely create thoughts and imaginations of how it would be if I had sex with a woman again. However, I also see how any sexual act with a female would then create a bond that deepens with every additional sexual act. That can then trigger things as possessive relationship, jealousy and all kinds of drama that I definitely do not want. So I would certainly be up for a relationship with a woman that treats me as one an equal, that is emotionally stable, that possesses a high level of common sense, and that fully trusts me and never suspects me of anything that I actually have not done.  Interestingly I have not met such a woman yet and all that cross my path are far from such ideal.

But then since all are part of me and if I see some woman in a struggle, I of course definitely want to assist her the best way I can.  This especially goes for the females that live in my physical proximity and that are my good friends and colleagues. I understand their struggles and support them with listening, counseling, and coaching. With any of those females, I imagine how a relationship with them would be since some have engaged in a conscious relationship with men for the purpose of supporting each other to grow and expand. However after being in two relationships that later three years, I know how slowly people change, and if both are not fully committed to removing all points of separation, the conflicts occur on a regular basis. So I definitely do not want to compromise myself again by entering into a relationship with a woman that just wants to stay as she is, unless if she has already sufficiently become whole and gained high self-awareness.

From how I understand that women function they are much more emotional and internalize all experiences, especially sex. After all their bodies play the role of soil where new life grows. Men are much freer since they just eject seed and there is no much consequence of sex on their physical bodies. However, the woman can become pregnant which results in a massive bodily transformation that takes 9 months, and then they are also responsible to feed the baby with their milk for months and years. So it is logical that women treat sexual intercourse much differently than men. They also had to suffer monthly menstruation pain and bleeding and have constantly count the number of remaining eggs. And I see that women have also a stronger drive to experience themselves as birthing and raising babies.

In an ideal world, I would definitely like to see a system implemented that would secure the safety of survival and excellent health for women and men so that both parents could fully dedicate themselves to raise kids at least for the first key 7 years of their offspring childhood. It is definitely my vision and mission to create such a world and hopefully, it will happen sooner than later. Actually, my desire is for all living beings to co-exist in harmony and abundance. However, I am aware that I am just one of the billions of beings in existence and that I have a limited capacity of transforming this world into the best place for all. So in order to make the best use of my abilities and to leverage all my potentials with utmost effect, I must carefully select what to focus on.

I have assisted the women that I have been in an intimate relationship with, women that I became friends with, and women that live and have lived in my close proximity. I spent a lot of time talking with them on the phone and during long walks and all of them did make some progress. And I also gained new perspectives by listening to their struggles and attempts to break free from their addictions and obsessions. However, all had so strong and deep patterns that it was impossible for me to imagine being with them in a long-term relationship. I realized that I would compromise myself if I would persist in wanting to save them regardless of the costs. I discovered that also I have a lot of limiting points to transform within myself and that the most important thing is to take enough time in order to work on my own personal process of transformation.

Within this, the main challenge for me is defining my relationship to my male human physical body. Because I see how it wants to express itself sexually and produce offspring. The question is how to make a deal with it in order for it not to feel sexually suppressed and to make it consider all the perspectives that my decisions are based on. And I also need to question to what extent limiting my sexual intercourses with women is based on my suppression of myself as a being and to what level I am justifying my current limitations as an excuse for my decision to live a life of solitude and dedication to a higher purpose. It definitely is a challenge to actually make any decision about anything since once a decision is made, a new outflow of events for the whole existence is being set.

Thus it all boils down to a question of how much to care about anything in existence. One extreme is to care about everything and everyone and to be careful not to even kill the tiniest insect if possible. And the other extreme is to not give a fuck about anything considering that existence is a constant interchange of creation and destruction. So there would be no use to create an attachment to anything physical since it will eventually be destroyed. And since I somehow have entered this physical human body and I am not able to simply leave it and go somewhere else, I am faced with decisions on how to best endure until its expiry date. It is a strange game that I as the creator, creation and the created am playing with myself however it looks like that there is no way out but to take full self-responsibility for what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to ignore the sexual attraction of my human physical body towards the females and to not direct it towards setting a clear and exact relationship between my body and the bodies of the females. I realize that there is no such thing as a wrong or right decision and that there are only consequences and the turmoil of not being decisive instead of directing every single part of myself based on the principle of what is best for all life. I commit myself to when and as I am faced with many options to take enough time to compare what might the outflow of events be and then to make an informed decision without looking back ever again or worrying that I made a wrong turn.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when and as I see a female physical body to blame it as responsible for the creation of the attraction due to projection of my own sexual desires and addiction to the orgasmic sexual experience. I realize that women are equal beings that face their own challenges related to their own body and sexual system that can be equally triggered by me as a male and they could equally blame me for simply just existing as a male. I commit myself to when and as I meet any human regardless the sex and my mind would analyze them as potential sexual partners, to stop and breathe. I rather consider them as one and equal with all their conditions that are connected to their human and non-human experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to blame destiny for bringing a specific type of woman into my proximity and to see the woman mostly as a burden for men since men need to provide for them at least during the sensitive months of pregnancy and early childhood of the newborn kids. I realize that such a perspective is a projection of my own inability to better provide for myself and to generate more money. I commit myself to improve my self-care so that I would be able to comfortably potentially enter into a relationship with a woman without having to worry about money issues. 

Suggested related educational Eqafe audios:
Relationship Success Support with Agreements
The Difference Between Male and Female Emotions
The Manifested Dimensions of Conflict
The Emotional and Feeling Body System
Sex and Relationships in Existence
The Relationship between Sexuality and Money

Day 207: The independent yet united

In the last two months, I have discovered two big international groups that I identified as well organized and with solutions prepared on the scale of the whole planet Earth. One is called the AllatRa with a vision to transform the current consumer society into a creative society via the voting platform for direct democracy. And the other group is called the Life Force which has its own social network app, weekly Zoom reports, and international media network. They report about the most important events in regards to war against the Deep State and the woman who is ahead of the Ground Command is also in charge of the Global Trust that will finance the international Restoration Plan. They are also much more aligned with the Desteni group that I have been a part of for the last ten years and also talk about the ancient enslavement of the human race by the Annunaki with Anu, Enki, Enlil, and Marduk on the top of the pyramid. So I was facing a decision on how much of my time to dedicate to research and participation in each of those groups and their projects. And I also had to decide what information from each of these groups to share in other groups in order for the members of all these groups to benefit from all the available information and knowledge.

What I would like to see is for the members of all the groups that really want to make this world the best for all to unite and work as one. Because we equally share the same reality, the same planet, and use the same global money system. Primarily what I see as the most important is to learn how the mind works and how to transcend it in order to become a responsible human being. Here the Desteni group is leading the way with the Eqafe online educational library and the Desteni I Process online courses. Yet the Life Force group with Kim Ann Goguen as the new comptroller of the global money system is the group that is providing the digital infrastructure for the international collaboration on the local restoration project and all the necessary funds to realize it. And there are many who do not care to be part of any of these groups and rely on building their own businesses and a financial support system within the current global monetary system. 

So there are two extremes when in the first case one is wonderfully obsessed with a single idea and is completely blind to anything else that exists out there. And the other extreme is spreading yourself thin by researching everything, jumping from one group to another, not really participating in any solution, and disempowering yourself by feeling small and lost. When I look at myself I consider being somewhere in the balanced middle of the two extremes. I had periods where I was very into first and periods where I was in the second extreme and that was not good for me. I was in several cases completely dedicated to a single project in order to produce large benefits and I did have high successes however it sooner or later ended due to influences that I was not able to control. I had to make peace with the fact that things in this reality are unpredictable and that it is best not to have a strong attachment to anything in this world. Thus I like to live a more independent life where I experience a high level of freedom and also be united by collaborating with others on the projects that are best for all life.

I see the potentials of how I can additionally change in order to remove my current weaknesses and build up the current strengths. When living and working alone at my apartment I enjoy the protection from the cold, from the noise, and from the nasty people. Yet I see that eventually, I need to interact with other humans, sometimes even face to face, and here I see how my vocal expression still result in undesired results and misunderstandings. Partially due to a relatively small vocabulary and this is why I am consistent with using a special vocabulary building tool on a daily basis and why I am also working as a professional distributor for that tool. And the other reason for the volition of my core being not being translated into appropriate words and sentences is due to persisting inherited mind patterns of separation. And this is why I am also constantly working on stopping, analyzing, and replacing the remaining tendencies that are connected to pure self-interest.

Suggested related Eqafe educational audios to listen:
The Dependence of Independency
My life of Co-Dependency
Asking for & Accepting Help
The Balance of Entertainment and Self-Learning
Secret Information

Day 206: Divide and conquer

In recent weeks I have lost my motivation to do my business activities where doing in-house presentations to families with kids is a part of the sales process. I succeeded with executing initial online promotions in order to generate new leads however scheduling presentations was more difficult. And actually closing sales proved to be even more challenging. Government restrictions, enforcement of wearing masks, social distancing, having to stay in own municipality and curfew definitely created a lot of obstacles also for my business. And when the kindergartens and schools closed and parents were faced with taking full responsibility to raise and educate their kids at their homes, that created immense stress to most of the families. Many parents lost their jobs, many had insufficient experience with using computers and there were also some who did not have a proper computer at all. So the general attitude of families about my offer to visit them and present a new learning technology to them was procrastination and postponement, Some seriously believed that me visiting them would present a real danger of spreading the virus. All this made me also to spend some time doing research about what is going on in the world and when to expect an improvement in the social and economic situation. 

What I discovered are many perspectives on the agenda behind the government enforcement of restrictions and mass media reports about statistics that have been proven false. There is enough evidence for a conclusion that we are witnessing a massive power struggle on a global scale. Beings who previously controlled humanity are gone and the remaining pyramid of their collaborators is trying to maintain their previous position and influence. Some have a goal to execute as many people as possible and enslave the rest since they see humans as worthless eaters. And there is a plan of eugenics to selectively improve the human race using genetics or also creating synthetic bodies that will serve as an immortal vessel for the consciousness. Movies are presenting us with the wildest possible scenarios of events and the functioning of society on this planet and beyond. There are warning about artificial intelligence taking over and the possibility of erasing all humanity together. 

Learning about all various potentials of threats one is facing a decision on what to do in order to prevent the unwanted outflow of events and how to create a desired future. Many are in the position of very little global influence while some are in powerful positions and able to leverage their actions with immediate effect on billions of people. I am happy to discover that the global system, including banking, has been taken over by a very intelligent woman who has the best interest in mind for humans and other living beings. And that she is now preventing the use of financial resources that the Deep State has used to bribe the world governments and individuals in manifesting international feardemic. It is predicted that soon funds will be available for the global Restoration Plan where this planet can be turned into the best place to live and thrive. Each individual can now decide what role to play in this period of transition from a linear economy of consumerism to the circular economy of creative expression.

What we must do to create a better world is to stop everything that separates us. Starting with turning off the media channels that are dividing us with the claim of an invisible common enemy that is out there and that only by injecting some substance in our physical bodies it can be defeated. Yet the only true enemy that has ever existed is within us and has become us. It is manifested as our mind as the voice within that is turning us against each other. It is the thoughts that value some parts of this reality as something more or something less and thus create inequality. It is the emotional reactions that blind and possesses us until we become zombies that destruct everything within and around us. It is a desire to experience the energy that evolves into addictions, driving us into creating all sorts of friction in all possible ways. And thus while we are the one what is the problem, we are equally the solution.

In this age of information overflow, one must decide how much time to spend doing research and expanding the frame of reference in order to gain the best situational awareness possible so that their actions will result in consequences that are best for all. And this is quite a tricky operation due to all the fake and opposing information that are hard or even impossible to cross-reference. Also just doing the research can be a distraction and addiction to itself that we can use as an excuse to neglect our own lives and personal process of change. Thus the safest way of investing own time is perfecting self by walking free online course like DIP Lite for example. A balanced way of facing outer and inner challenges is the best way. The current world is a result of collective past decisions and if we want to manifest a better reality, each one of us must change our thinking and behavior patterns. The more individuals will work on self-transformation, the quicker will be the change in the physical living conditions of the global society.

Related recommended educational audios at Eqafe website:

The Decision of Division
Distractions
Escaping Yourself
It is TIME to Change
Filing our Minds, Finding Ourselves
Media Hypnotism
How Information Processing Disempowers
Secret Information
Mental Hoarder

Information Transfer
Wanting to KNOW Before You Start

Day 205: Dangers of the Martyr Complex

The natural process in life is expanding, pushing the envelope, increasing our awareness, abilities, and capacities. Sometimes one can push themselves too much and from the starting point of the ego which then reflects in form of pain and whatnot. And this has also been my recent experience where I allowed myself to be enveloped by the Martyr Complex. Doing best for all is a trick mission that can quickly slip into a self-victimization character. When being in a group where the vision is to remove all points of separation from existence, the task can feel daunting, human life-span short and that then translates into great urgency and time pressure. Taking self-responsibility of all of the existence requires a decision about how to make the best use of available time to manifest the change out there while maintaining a balance in personal life so that personal power is not being compromised.

I am glad to be part of a group with the vision of improving the living situation on this planet for all living beings equally. And that I am a distributor of new educational technology that has the potential of empowering its users and making them more aware and capable of responsible living here in harmony and abundance. It is a great satisfaction to be part of individuals that impact society positively. At the weekly online meeting, our leaders motivate us with mission statements, visions, and executions plans. The objective is to create urgency and make us move towards at least reaching a minimum weekly goal. Some individuals are capable of moving themselves effectively since they have transcended the resistance to a sufficient level. However many are still in the beginning stage of the process and still influenced by emotions. So it is not easy to come with a universal approach that would be effective for all group members at their different location points.

I have been conditioned in the past by living and working in the environment of my parents into being someone that requires to be moved by others using emotions. However, I have been walking not the path towards achieving self-movement for many years and made significant progress. Nevertheless, I have to be careful about the emotional pressures of others in order not to sacrifice myself too much and fall and consequently fall out of balance. I learned that one is able to help others effectively only if one has helped itself first and gained proper stability and capacity. A balance in personal life on all levels is suggested to be achieved and maintained at all times before one attempts to engage in the transformation of the global system. That includes establishing sufficient and regular money income, developing their own vocabulary, increasing processing speed, and gaining emotional stability. 

While working myself on these points I have noticed many resistances to change. In terms of sleeping duration, I learned that humans require only 4-6 hours of sleep per night. With that information, I have started to go to bed with a self-commitment to go out of bed immediately when I wake up naturally or after no more than 6 hours of sleep. I have experienced waking up after sleeping only 4 hours and recently I woke up after just one and a half hours. Yet whenever I would wake up and see how much time it only passed since I fell into sleep, my mind would immediately start creating doubt that I am rested enough. It created thought of fear that this can not be and that brain damage could develop if I allow myself to sleep so little. I do additional 15-minute naps during the day however my mind would calculate all the naps and add it to the total time of a daily sleep in order to reach the sum of 8-hour daily norm. During every nap, it created intense dreams that resulted in mental tiredness and decisions to continue with snoozing several times in a row. And I have become deeply disappointed about that.

Additionally, I also relapsed into watching short videos before I decided to take a nap. For example, after I would work with a computer for a couple of hours, I would go to my bed to take a rest. However, instead of just setting a timer on my smartphone for the alarm to wake me after 15 minutes, I got enticed with watching short movie clips. My mind has been justifying that I would relax even more if I watch some comedy gags or movie trailers that are no more than 3 minutes long. However, after I would watch the first one, I would not get enough kick out of it, and since YouTube is a master of offering clips that would interest you the most, I would continue with watching the second one, and then the third one and so one. So instead of only 15 minutes of planned rest, I would spend up to half an hour, sometimes even more, before the actual nap. And there would even be cases when I would watch some clips after the nap. It is like the mind would drive me into spending an equal amount of time that I saved by sleeping less with indulging in entertainment and thus showing me that sleeping less does not pay off. This is of course also something that I want to fix in order to decrease the wasting of time.

Now besides the pain in the neck and in the lower back, there is also a third pain that started to occur. It felt like it originated in the middle of the back and branched very narrowly across the left side of my back. It would shoot whenever I would work with the vocabulary building software that I am a distributor of in cases where I would make a mistake at typing the word from a default integrated word list wrongly. So it was a very specific pain connected to a very specific action which I found very interesting. I concluded that this was a consequence of self-judgment within anger, connected to the character of self-perfectionist. And shortly after I realized that and became aware of this point of limitations, the pain started to decrease and does not come up anymore.

I am now also in the process of listening to the supportive Eqafe audios that I listed at the end of my previous last two posts of this blog. I was able to relate to the explanation of a stiff neck to be a consequence of feeling trapped in a situation where I do not see any exit from and that I do not see any way back from where I currently am. From one perspective this actually is an existential fact since we all currently are experiencing a manifested consequence of our previous decisions and we can not go back into the past to manifest a different present reality. However, what we are able to start making better decisions at this moment that will manifest a better world in the future. And also after realizing that fact one can not go back to not realizing it. So from one point there actually is no way back and the only direction we are able to move is forward and in terms of awareness towards increasing its size.

I see the need to change how I handle mind resistances and the application of breaks. Napping seems to be the activity where I give power to the mind. So I am looking to reduce or replace them with some other activity. I learned that mental tiredness is best remediated by some kind of physical activity. So I will be experimenting with walking, running, exercising, and some other activities in order to make the most of each day.

Related educational audios from Eqafe to listen to:
Stuck
Unlocking Yourself
From Overwhelmed to Breakthrough
A Martyr for my Brother
Stuck in Absolutes
Bringing Yourself Down when Others are Down
Compromise and Commitment
Routine Sets me Free
Space, Environment, Routine, & Self Definition

Day 204: Directing myself to do what matters

There has been a major shift in my starting point, priorities, and focus. What I realized is that so far I have been doing activities where I would in the eyes of others look busy, diligent, and organized. That means that I have been doing a lot of documentary photos of all the events that I attended and other things that happened in my life. I would then spend a lot of time to download the photos from my phone, edit them in the most professional way, renamed and organized the files, and then upload them to my Facebook profile. I found great pleasure in taking pictures, making them perfect and sharing them with others so that they can also get some useful information and for them to have a reference for what I have been doing. Years ago when I worked as a professional photographer others paid me to do the shooting and editing, however in recent years I took pictures only for my personal interest. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that continuing the old habit like this is something that I am wasting my potentials by and that I am not adding much value to this world. It was mostly about presenting myself to others in order to play a certain character and to receive recognition from them. Now I have changed this point in terms of restraining myself from taking photos of every single thing that attracts my attention. And if I take some photos for the sake of documenting some event for the possibility of having to prove to others that it happened, I simply download the photos to my computer and keep them in a raw unedited form.

The next point that I looked at was the time I spend on social media, attending hangouts, participating in some groups, and watching movies. I noticed how quickly I get drawn to watching something, especially in form of moving pictures which creates a certain feeling of satisfaction by discovering something new. And how participation in social groups makes me feel noticed, accepted, valued, and part of something that will make a difference in this world. Yet the amount of digital content and online groups is increasing every second so I had to prioritize my involvement in order to make the best use of my limited time. I decided to increase the focus on my business of distributing new learning technology and using it also myself on a daily basis to increase my capacity for processing information and increasing the quality and quantity of my vocabulary. So I defined my mission to perfect myself by developing the skills of communication and influencing others and also showing others how they can do the same in order for as many people in this word to become highly capable and responsible in order to bring forth a world that is best for all life.

In recent weeks after using the said learning technology regularly for at least 2 hours per day, I noticed a substantial increase in my focus, clarity, determination, will, and bravery. What also started to happen is that I would wake up naturally after sleeping only around 4 hours. Initially, my mind would immediately produce a thought convincing me that humans need around 8 hours of sleep so I made myself continue sleeping for the additional 4 hours. However, I learned before that the human physical body requires only around 4 hours to rest, and the additional time of sleeping only results in the mind regenerating itself and thus gaining more power to distract and suppress us. And I also learned how the words leaders and the most successful people sleep very little, some even just 2 hours and then doing short naps during the day. So I decided also to get out of the bed immediately after I would wake up naturally, no matter what duration of my sleep has been. I have been experimenting with different ways of taking charge of my physical body and to actually get out of bed and fully wake up. It has been challenging to get out of such an appealing comfort zone like a warm cozy bed and I was not always fully successful. However, I am pushing myself to cut down the time of my sleep to as little as possible in order to have more time in a day to be productive.

What I also noticed is how often I check the time and to what extent I allow it to influence me. When doing business and collaborating with others time certainly is a factor that needs to be considered. We do measure time in days which are then sliced into hours and minutes. Thus some consider time as their most valuable asset since each of our lives only so many years and we can achieve in one lifetime only so much. Many successful people use the time management system where every single activity is being scheduled in slots as small as a couple of minutes. While I was doing creative work time was not so much of an issue since the deadlines were quite long and the main objective was to come with a unique creative solution that was not so much valued in the time spend to produce it but in effect that it produced. And this is why I had resistance to organize my life based on time. Even with sleeping, I noticed how by just looking at a clock I am already giving my mind the information in order to calculate the duration of my sleep and based on then create a feeling of being rested enough or needing some more sleep instead of me communicating with my physical body and directly seeing it had rested sufficiently. So in the morning I now refrain from checking the time immediately. And when I create my first daily log entry I am careful about my mind not to create any comparison and estimation if I have slept enough or not.

An additional point was developing a habit and support system of following up with people and directing them in the long-term in order to achieve a specific objective. Previously I defined myself as an introvert, I did creative jobs where I needed a quiet and peaceful environment in order to concentrate on designing and programming with computers uninterrupted for hours. And now my mission is to influence and change others which means frequent and persistent communication with many individuals which is the exact opposite of what I have been used to do. This again pushes me intensely out of my comfort zone and creates a lot of resistance. It makes me have to decide about many more things that are far less predictable since every mind of other humans is a world of its own. I have to evaluate every individual on many levels and then decide when in by which means, using what word and exposing them to which information would result in directing them towards increasing their awareness, self-responsibility, and capacity. Each person is with a unique history of experience that shapes them and on at different location points. And it takes many years for everyone to grow and expand into an exemplary human being. So I am developing and applying a system of making a lot of notes in regards to every individual that I communicate with and then to follow-up with them on a regular basis.

Now what I have to be careful about all of this is to maintain a balance of self-care and care for others in order not to lose my personal power. The manifestation of pain at points in my spine is a reminder that I have gone too far from the track. Recently some pain has manifested in my lower back. And even a more prominent pain manifested in my neck. The contributing factors for this can be the increased time spent calling people on the phone in a standing position where the weight of my hands creates much more pull comparing to my usual way of working in a sitting or partially lying position. However, I am familiar also with the back neck point structural resonance. It explains how the pain in that area is connected to the ability to change things and stand up for yourself. And I am able to track back the start of pain developing in that area especially when some older lady that just became my Facebook friend called me via Messenger video and started to engage in an extensive and long conversation without consideration of my time and what I was doing. I find a direct unannounced video call not very considerate and intrusive and it was a new experience that I had to respond to.

While my objective is to increase communication with other people I am making sure to be as considerate as possible. So when I call somebody on the phone, I immediately ask them how they are, where they are, and what they are doing. This gives them the opportunity to explain if it is a good time to speak and enables me to decide if I should continue the conversation and for how long. Other people usually do not call me with exception of my father who calls me on the phone a few times per month. And usually, he wants me to immediately or very soon to do some design work for him end eventually pays me for that. However, when others call me I can not tell so sure what they want from me, for how long they want to speak to me, and what would be the result of communication. I see how I prefer for any call to be scheduled with me in advance by firstly contacting me via social media or text messaging which is less intrusive and does not disturb my own schedule. While previously I had my phone turned on all the time, I am now also turning it off completely when I need to focus on something like writing this blog post.

Here are some related suggested educational Eqafe audios for listening:
Stiff Neck
Stiff Neck Practical Support
Pain and Process
The History and Purpose of Sleep
Do Beings on the Other Side Sleep
Mental Tiredness vs. Physical Tiredness
Mind Asleep, Mind Awake
Why do I Wake Up in a Mood?
Do You Only Rest When You Sleep?
Mind Feeding Routines Feeding Mind